The Avengers: Age of Forced Corporate Tie-Ins

To coincide with the recent release of Marvel's "Avengers: Age of Ultron," Subway announced a "Simple $6 Menu," assigning a different sandwich to each of Earth's Mightiest Heroes (no hero/hero pun there? Shame). Here is the menu:

HEY! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY! I'M TAKING A PICTURE HERE! Stupid sandwich artist. Here is the menu:

And here are the tenuous connections that we can draw from superhero to sandwich:

Excels- (burp) -ior!

A Program Note

Since starting this stupid blog in 2006, through multiple job changes, a wedding, the birth of a child, and the cancellation of "Heroes," I have seen fit to consistently post every single weekday -even through holidays- without fail. That is, until yesterday, when Blogger dropped the ball and kept me from posting something for Thursday and Friday.


But it's back live. So as you were.

Heroes, Episode 3

Yawn.

Heroes, Episode 2

Brynn and Joanne continue to one-up NBC when it comes to script writing for "Heroes."

Heroes: The Brynn & Joanne Special Edition

Here's footage of Brynn & Joanne playing dolly with some Heroes action figures, which if you ask me, is far superior to the actual series.

Sublime Nonsense #7

"Tonight, on a very special Halloween Episode of Sublime Nonsense..."


Larry K is getting as prolific as that pervert who does those Love Is cartoons with the naked children.

YAY! ACTION FIGURES!

(pictured above, the strange manufacturer's decision to give all "Heroes" action figures their own messenger bags)

Who Farted? NBC Monday Lineup Styley

The networks love posting huge photos of their primetime lineups at Grand Central Station. Their little way of showing you what you're missing at home while you wait for the train.

Heroes has lots of cast members. So any poster of the show is going to show at least 15 of them. This always makes for a lively game of "Who Farted?" So let's meet the players:


Little boy who can control all electronics and mysterious, protective Dad of cheerleader. Both look accusatory without a speck of self-consciousness. Probably not them.

Asian Art Garfunkel looking distracted and hopeful, with just a hint of a smile. It's not a stretch that it could be him.


Intense, mind-reading cop. The furrowed brow, the pursed lips– yeah, this is the frontrunner for sure.


Hot blonde playing boring hot blonde with boring powers. She's looking suspicious, but that might be just her eyebrow pluck job.


Dreamy Indian dude looking trance-like and delirious. A solid (or gaseous) contender! Ha ha! You see what I did there?


Two bobbleheads looking in different directions as if they didn't fart, but you suspect they probably did. Hiro should be whistling, too.


Overall Who Farted Factor: 9 out of 10. Lots of suspects, with a satisfying resolution. (sung) Unlike the shooow...

Most Likely Fart Suspect: I'm going to have to go with the intense cop. He used his mind powers to cloud (pardon the pun) the judgment of the others, so that they're looking everywhere but at him.


**BONUS ROUND**


The players: Hot long-haired brunette, dude that I could've sworn was Anthony Michael Hall, and hot bob-haired brunette.

"Who farted" factor: 3 out of 10. Blame it on the poor composition or the poor acting, but there's not a lot of intrigue here.

Most likely fart suspect: The long-haired one. She used the wall behind her to deflect the cloud over to the bridge. Nice bank shot.

**EDITOR'S UPDATE** The caption that reads "Ali Landry" should actually read Ali Larter. EADJ regrets the error, although you'd probably understand the mix-up, because they're both boneriffic.

CC=200!

The following 200TH ENTRY at Eat a Dick Joel has been submitted by longtime contributor Andrew Gall:

As guest writer and frequent reader, I marvel at where we’ve gone, where we’ve been, and where we’re going. When I saw one of the first posts featuring Ray Kunst watching Star-Trek reruns in the kitchen, I knew we were in for something special. Did it have anything to do with Joel eating dick? It’s debatable. But one thing’s for sure: Joel’s eaten a lot of dick. And no matter how we’ve managed to report it, it’s happened. From that fat woman on the escalator to Tianna’s robbery to Threading The Needle, Dick has been consumed multiple times over. And that, my friends, is a legacy worth celebrating. And one that I will continue to read about many times on a daily basis.

NOTE: Some of you may ask why Joel didn't write the 200th commemorative entry. Well, it pretty much slipped our minds. We'll ask him to write the 300th entry next month. Whatever.

Happy 200th, Joel. Here's to 54,988,467,122,852,109,843,656,013,334 more dicks for you to eat!

Here's To Not Separating Bullshit From Work

A big shout-out goes to Todd C for bringing up the Eat a Dick Joel blog in an internal Yellow Pages meeting.

Up next: Todd dropping EADJ's name in the Thursday client meeting in Denver. With clients there. Clients.

Eat This, Joel

(pictured above, the Unfortunate Logo of the Month: Jack Link doesn't realize his logo looks like a naked black dude from the waist down)