Meanwhile, At the Gaslight Brewery & Restaurant...

"Okay, Mel, I'll see you later."

"Wait, where do you think you're going?"

"I just finished my shift, Dan. I'm clocking out."

"No, you said you'd work a double today, remember?"

"Uh, no Dan. I never said that."

"You did. Thursday, September 19, you said you'd work a double shift to make up for your absence on the 4th."

"No no no. I would've put that in the calendar weeks in advance. I have a..."

"You SAID you'd put it in the calendar, too, but I guess you forgot to. Still, you have to work this double since you promised. Better get those apps to tables 5 and 8."

"What is happening here? You're saying I verbally promised to work when I never do that? Then this calendar which clearly doesn't have me on after 6pm is wrong for the very first time?"

"Table 5 has the artichoke dip and 8 gets the chicken skewers. Chop chop."

(mutters) "This fucking place, man."

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Chumming The Slopes With More "Avalanche Shark" Taglines

Yet more unwanted taglines for a movie whose time never came:

Cold, man. That's cold.

The Joel Angel Project: Magic Trick #2

Yes, it took only 559 days, but Joel finally has a second magic trick video to offer for the Joel Angel Project. This being a stopgap, apparently:

"Okay, I'm doing two more videos, first of all. They take forever because I'm busy, and new iMovie frustrates me to no end, THIS video took a week of my just trying to figure out how to edit right. I miss old iMovie. I understood old iMovie.  Second, yes, that's a handlebar mustache--my poker pro mustache. I've since shaved it."

Execution: 6

Presentation: 3

Criss Angel Factor: 0. This is actually not a Criss Angel trick but a David Blaine Street Magic trick:



***Edit:***

Okay, Criss Angel actually HAS done this particular trick, too:



Secret Behind The Trick: A complex series of cables, pulleys and counterweights.

And by the way, Joel is right. The new version of iMovie does suck royally.

At this rate, we look forward to Joel's next videos on February 15, 2015 and August 27, 2016.

The Joel Angel Project: Nonupdate

An anonymous EADJ reader left a comment on yesterday's post, wondering where a second magic trick from Joel will be posted, seeing how it's almost the end of the year, and the last time Joel posted a trick was on January 24.

Well, dear reader, your guess is as good as mine. Although we averted the Mayan end of the world, we are all nearing the deadline for the government's "fiscal cliff" discussions and EADJ's Joel Angel Project. Hopefully President Obama and the Congressional Republicans can come to the agreement that Joel needs to post another goddamned magic trick posthaste, since we're only days away from disaster.

The Joel Angel Project Update

Just over a full month ago, we sent Joel a package of Criss Angel Mindfreak magic tricks for him to learn and perform on video for us. The other day we IM'd Joel to check on whether he's ready to show something or whether he's too busy scarfing down cock to perform a Criss Angel trick (which, when you think about it, are probably the same thing).


Here's proof that we mailed the package to Joel on 11/21/11:

Coming Soon: The Joel Angel Project

I was farting around my local Walgreens (yes, the same one where I found that excellent manager's photo), when I happened upon the "As Seen On TV" section of the store: Snuggies, Sobakawa pillows, and Slap Chops were all available for sale for the holidays.



All of it looking pretty standard and familiar, until I caught sight of a box full of douchey AWESOME:


Criss Angel's Mindfreak Platinum Magic Kit. YES, PLEASE. But I didn't buy this for myself. I intend to mail this to our eponymous friend Joel and give him two weeks to learn and perform one of these Mindfreak tricks on video. I asked Joel, and he's totally down with the idea.






I'm mailing Joel this stupid box next week. Here's hoping he freaks our mind whilst eating our dicks.

Mailwar: Returning Fire

On June 6, we covered a bizarre package sent to this editor from Mig Ponce– a pair of Laura Branigan pens. So naturally, we had to respond by logging onto LauraBraniganOnline.com and purchasing something for Mig. So we found that they sell "Classic Signature Logo" CD cases, a tribute to the days in the 80's when people owned something called "compact discs."

Hoping to skip the piddly tit-for-tat nature of these type of things, we ordered THREE of them for Mig.


And it's good to see that they arrived safely:

Mailwar: A First Shot is Fired

I got a strange package in the mail the other week. Since I order crap from ThinkGeek and Bloodshot Records occasionally, I didn't think of it.


But then I opened it. Did I order a watch?


Pens? I didn't...what the?!


Son of a bitch.

Description:
"This smooth-writing, retractable plastic pen features contemporary styling, with a metallic burgundy barrel accented by silver tip and clip top. The silver imprint features Laura's name and autograph, her official website, as well as the legacy phrase. An inexpensive pen for daily use, or to have on hand to pass out to friends or to pique someone's interest in Laura! Medium point, black ink."




I know exactly who sent this to me. MIG PONCE. Some of you who went to my bachelor party know of his legend. There are even quite a few people who know his name but are convinced that he doesn't even exist.


Well, this will NOT STAND. I must retaliate. Luckily, Mig left a RETURN ADDRESS! I will mail him something stupid very soon. I'll keep you posted as to whether the package will be Laura Branigan-related or not. I already have some ideas.

UAG

And Now For Some Unsolicited Magic!

Over at edit, Nathan regales the lunch crowd with some impromptu magic.


The Quicktime really doesn't do justice to the excitement of watching this trick in person while you're trying to eat your lunch.

No Comment.

An IM convo with Andrew:

Sublime Nonsense #7

"Tonight, on a very special Halloween Episode of Sublime Nonsense..."


Larry K is getting as prolific as that pervert who does those Love Is cartoons with the naked children.

Meanwhile, During Another Conference Call...

Smecial Dreams Entry: Taxicab Confessions

Tom W describes a dream he had in a cab. Not that the dream's in a cab; he's in a cab telling about the dream he had, which was not in a cab.





p.s. "Heroes of Might and Magic 2?!"