Say Goodbye To More Bullshit That Advertisers Need You To Say Goodbye To!

 

Goodbye! Goodbye! 👋 Goodbye! Goodbye!

Random Shit That Looks Like Ninja Turtles

 And... cowabunga!

Spotted Online

You know video game consoles are getting expensive when they offer low APR financing. Sheesh.

UAG

Pathmark Your Calendars

This one appears to have been a bad moms' party in the baby aisle:

Here Are Your Job Numbers For April 25, 2019

Hello

This is the temp Hal. I've been fuckin asked to fuckin remind the whole office that fuckin timesheets are due at the end of the day and shit. And you all need to use the latest fuckin job #s or else nobody gets fuckin paid. But I do because the temp agency pays me regardless LOL 🖕

Anyway, here are the job numbers to use. Hal out:

58576: Sybian training

21094: Proving you weren't fondling the Resusci-Annie

50034: Sharing your peach cobbler recipe

91990: Teaching the younger folk how to skank

68931: Revealing spoilers for "The Sixth Sense"

77515: Gaslighting the nation

37912: Searching "feet' on Pornhub

022175: Shitting you

19281: Badmouthing cabbage as a substitute for kale

00313: Doin' the Mess Around per Ray Charles's instructions

52219: Wingin' it at speed dating

39997: Interrupting your daughter's makeup tutorial

83136: Sucking it up

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract changes, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix starting this year:

• The Fake Housewives of Nonproblem Bitchville

• Ray Donovan, Uber Driver

• Game show: "Is That My Finger?"

• All About Sullust, the Outer Rim Planet in the Star Wars Universe

• Project Runaway Tank

• So You Think You Can Collate

• Shitbird Dance Party

• Hé Hau (the upscale French version of Hee Haw)

The following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• Project Manager Wars

• Oversensitive Real Estate Dandies

• Extreme Ophthalmology

• Flip That Slum Property!

• Honey Boo Boo: On Parole

• Egon Spengler: Before He Was a Ghostbuster

• Cabbage

The EADJ Fashion RoundUp: Ladies Only Edition

Craving attention? Then step out in this overly stripe-y ensemble like a UPC symbol begging to be scanned!

Redheads always look great in green, unless it's a puffy patchwork coat that looks like the hot air balloon from "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen."

Sorry, ladies only this entry. Move along, Doug. Move along.

I wanted to snap this horrific green and blue outfit worn by an older woman at a Broadway show, but the usher quickly stopped me. Goddammit.

Nothing says "REDRUM" like a loose fitting top with the sinister rug pattern from "The Shining's" Overlook Hotel.

Don't give a shit? Then proudly wear these diamond pattern leggings with a clashing bag and Han Solo boots. It says "LIKE I GIVE A FUCK" from all the way across the strip mall parking lot!

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

"Bachelor Number 5, if I were a wheelbarrow and you were a gardener, what would you do to me?"

Boogie Loc instantly regretted wearing the 150 lb medallion with his name and album title on it.

"A giant crying man standing right behind me. Yeah, right!"

See, this is what happens when you try to make soup without reading the instructions.

See, this is what happens when you take the art class in shading but skip anatomy.

"Why do we need to say grace? I'm right here."

"PAY TRIBUTE TO THIS RECESS' REIGNING TETHERBALL CHAMPION"

At first I was bummed that this was just the shot of some guy's head. Then I realized it was a tarantula crawling back there! Then I looked closer and realized it was just some guy's head again.

This album cover just made Neil Degrasse Tyson's head implode.

From Bilton Mradley, The Makers Of "Famished Famished Hippopotami" and "BattlingShips"

Introducing "4 In A Row," the Tic-Tac-Toe game that's nothing like Tic-Tac-Toe but a lot like another unnamed game by another, more successful manufacturer who charges twice as much!

"4 In A Row" plays just like Tic-Tac-Toe, but instead of three in a row, you need to get four in a row, and instead of a Tic-Tac-Toe board, you have this vertical rack where you drop checkers down in slots. It's like Connect Four, except for poor people. 

Pretty stealthy, bro!

"4 In A Row," by Bilton Mradley. Look for it at Big Lots, Rite Aid or at the toy section of any Pennsylvania Turnpike rest stop!

Oh Say Can You Pathmark

"Excuse me, which aisle are the dumbbells in?"

"They would be Aisle 14, next to Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice."