Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched 2021

"GOOD MORNING. YOU WERE GREAT."

"Fuck you. Wheee!"

"I can't believe I'm starring in a movie with a decrepit, dried up husk of a corpse. And Lou Ferrigno."

"Is this your card?"

"OH MY GOD, THAT'S MY PANCREAS! AAAHHHHHH!"

(kills guy)

"I guess he wasn't in charge. Get it?"

"You know, I feel so dirty when they start talkin' cute. I wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot."

"This is taking forever, Fame!"

"What are you talking about, Frezell? This shit is fast!"

"Jesus, I knew the falcon could sing. I just didn't realize the lyrics would be explicit Miami booty lyrics."

"Remind me not to take the word of a killer." (shoots goat, valet and propane tank)

Porn Has Ruined Me

Pictured below: A thumbnail on a stock image site makes me do a double take because I thought it was pornographic. IT WAS HER ARM.

Which Can, Erickson? (Special Marvel's Avengers Edition)

Click to enlarge:

Who is pooping at The Driskill Hotel in Austin, TX?

Who is pooping at the Philadelphia Airport (this is an easy guess)?

Who is pooping at the Old Courthouse in St. Louis?

Who is pooping at DBGB in New York?

Who is pooping at Son Of A Gun in L.A.?

Who is pooping at the Martini Ranch in Chicago (another easy guess- martinis)?

Answers assemble, tomorrow!

EADJ ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: What If Andrew Gall Had Never Met Megan?

The following is an entry by the Andrew Gall from parallel universe #68456E, wherein he never meets his fiancée Megan M in Chicago:

Hi guys! It's me, Andrew. I guess a lot of you have been wondering what I've been up to lately since we all worked together at CK. Well, since getting laid off that place after we lost the Kia account, I had been keeping myself busy by working at That's Our Bag, working the register, restocking the window, stuff like that.

On weeknights, I've been pretty social– a group of cool guys I know from the gym have formed a World of Warcraft guild, and we call ourselves "OMG Crew," you know, like "Oh My God" crew? LOL! (that means "Laugh Out Loud")



Work-wise, I've been doing pretty well. The Manager Monica lets me sell on the floor now instead of merely answering the phone or restocking the back. But that also means I have to dress in khakis instead of shorts. A worthy tradeoff for a .10 per hour raise!


Speaking of money, I've been saving up for a Playstation 3 for some time now. I've already bought a controller and some game called "DragonForce," which I hear is pretty great in battle mode. My neighbor Keith has promised to let me borrow his blue ray Jenna Jameson porn so I can watch some on the DVD player. Maybe in a few months!

Who Farted? NBC Monday Lineup Styley

The networks love posting huge photos of their primetime lineups at Grand Central Station. Their little way of showing you what you're missing at home while you wait for the train.

Heroes has lots of cast members. So any poster of the show is going to show at least 15 of them. This always makes for a lively game of "Who Farted?" So let's meet the players:


Little boy who can control all electronics and mysterious, protective Dad of cheerleader. Both look accusatory without a speck of self-consciousness. Probably not them.

Asian Art Garfunkel looking distracted and hopeful, with just a hint of a smile. It's not a stretch that it could be him.


Intense, mind-reading cop. The furrowed brow, the pursed lips– yeah, this is the frontrunner for sure.


Hot blonde playing boring hot blonde with boring powers. She's looking suspicious, but that might be just her eyebrow pluck job.


Dreamy Indian dude looking trance-like and delirious. A solid (or gaseous) contender! Ha ha! You see what I did there?


Two bobbleheads looking in different directions as if they didn't fart, but you suspect they probably did. Hiro should be whistling, too.


Overall Who Farted Factor: 9 out of 10. Lots of suspects, with a satisfying resolution. (sung) Unlike the shooow...

Most Likely Fart Suspect: I'm going to have to go with the intense cop. He used his mind powers to cloud (pardon the pun) the judgment of the others, so that they're looking everywhere but at him.


**BONUS ROUND**


The players: Hot long-haired brunette, dude that I could've sworn was Anthony Michael Hall, and hot bob-haired brunette.

"Who farted" factor: 3 out of 10. Blame it on the poor composition or the poor acting, but there's not a lot of intrigue here.

Most likely fart suspect: The long-haired one. She used the wall behind her to deflect the cloud over to the bridge. Nice bank shot.

**EDITOR'S UPDATE** The caption that reads "Ali Landry" should actually read Ali Larter. EADJ regrets the error, although you'd probably understand the mix-up, because they're both boneriffic.