Upcoming Exhibits at the Annual Consumer Electronics Show

CES takes place in Pueblo, Colorado next month. Here are the featured booths and products to check out:

• an Ebookshelf

• some complicated DJ equipment that makes it look like you're doing something

• a humidifier for your wife's privates

• an A.I. controlled Roomba that clicks its teeth at how messy you are

• live music by the Boston Dynamic Stagediving and Moshing Robots

• fiber optic butt plugs

• digital ham

Random Shit That Looks Like Ninja Turtles

 And... cowabunga!

More Missed Connections From A Dog Park

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the confused Setter licking where your balls used to be

Me: the demure Afghan pretending not to notice you notice me

When our eyes connected, it was like magic. I could feel a whole world of possibility between us up until my master told me it was time to go. I had pooped already anyway!

You: the Jack Russell mix with the smell of cat on you

Me: the shedding (sorry!) Samoyed

I was panting not only because I was hot but because YOU WERE. Where'd you get that physique? It wasn't from running around this cramped, 1/4 acre dog run. Look me up!

You: the mutt with the ball

Me: the purebred Rottweiler with BALLS

You looked like you were into playing games. I am, too. I like fetch, tag, and burying my bone, IF you catch my meaning! Wink wink. But seriously, let's fuck.

Coming Soon to EADJ: Unwanted Shitty Taglines For Yet Another Shitty Shark Movie

Although "Gonna need a bigger board" is sufficiently shitty already. Stay tuned.

The ProofrEADJer: First of May Edition

And these three from that viral used car video:

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Icewear Vezzo sat quietly in his tent and prayed that the bear would take what he wanted and just go away.

Later that afternoon, Lil Flash murdered Yosemite Sam, butchered Foghorn Legcorn and put Sylvester and Tweety to death in a kennel.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. NATURE'S OWN GRANOLA.

Young Delphi's Groucho Marx impression was spot on, even though no one from his generation got the reference.

KD Young Cocky. WORST LAB PARTNER EVER.

None of the Peanuts are getting murdered. I'll allow it.

Janet Jackson discovered that wads of cash could hide her mustache.

New Segment: Todd Crisman Wants You To KNOW

Hey! Todd Crisman wants you to KNOW that EADJ has a new segment called Todd Crisman Wants You To KNOW!


Also, not ALL PLASTIC IS RECYCLABLE! Get it through your head, Pinbot!

A Random IM from Andrew

The Magic of Camouflage

Over Christmas break, J'Net and I visited my parents' house in D.C.

But seeing how my parents had just gotten back from Manila some days before, added to the fact that both are retired, they just didn't have time to clean up. So Mom just threw a tablecloth over the boxes and random shit on the dining room table.

And you know what? J'Net and I were none the wiser!

EADJ Retail Hell!

This week, EADJ fixes its lens on the rich, vibrant culture that is retail. From merchandise to casual and lunchtime dining, we will assess, examine, judge, condemn, and sexually assault.


First up, a café in Midtown. It's just another middling Cosi-wannabe that doesn't offer anything new, but what EADJ found interesting was that the manager had set up his office smack dab in the middle of the dining area.


I'm guessing there was no room in the back to set up a proper desk, but it seems odd that they would actually take space away from customers to run the stupid place. Dumbbbbbbbb.


Adding to the dumbness is how enormous the food preparation area is. One guy working the register doesn't need a train car-sized counter to make a skim latte. Knock that boy down and throw your dumb Dell Computer back there, you dumb dummies.


Not pictured on the far wall (to the left of J'Net) were a few refrigerated displays and another serving counter for sandwiches and salads, separated by a huge OPEN FLOOR. So there's obviously some wasted space, but Sir Dumbalot Mullet Cockhorse Buttnugget decided to put his disorganized managing style in full public display. Kudos, good sir!

YAY! ACTION FIGURES!

(pictured above, the strange manufacturer's decision to give all "Heroes" action figures their own messenger bags)

A Bit of Fun

Music: "Bedroom Music" by Best Fwends

Dick is Why I'm Hot

Finding new ways to eat dick is always challenging. Especially free dick. But earlier this week Joel devised a plan to do just that.

Joel took a job at a Costco in Palo Alto as a "sampler," one of those clerks who hand out free samples of Go-Gurt® or Cracklin' Oat Bran® to shoppers. But Joel was smart enough to set his station up by the dog food pallettes in the back, allowing him to offer "a little extra" with every sample to male shoppers.

With only three days into his new job, Joel has successfully eaten 87 dicks gratis. He's not moving product so much as consuming it, if you catch our meaning, wah wah wah. Way to go, Joel!

(pictured above, Herr Crisman wishes everyone "Bis Morgen DDR" from a German television station in the 70's)