A Word on Gen Z Horror Movies

The release of technology-based horror movies is always interesting. The creators of these offerings seem to want to tap into some kind of anxiety related to what I think is pretty innocuous.

Examples of past successes: "The Ring", the phone in "Scream", "The Blair Witch Project", "M3GAN", and "Paranormal Activity".

Maybe it's an attempt to relate to the kids, to maybe tell classic boogeyman stories but through your phone or iPad.

Maybe it's some young producers making fun of old technology?

It could be tapping into the anxiety of fast-evolving technology that leaves a person feeling powerless and lost.

Perhaps the booming seller's real estate market makes it impossible to imagine a deserted haunted house nearby?

Whatever the reason, these tech-based horror stories are hit or miss. Mostly miss.

If they really want to tap into scary technology, I would suggest something involving A.I. or Boston Dynamics robots. That shit is terrifying.

*Logging off*

Happy New Year From Eat A Dick Joel!

Gamepad Terrier is looking forward to a year where he can possibly maybe meet with friends again!

Charging Cord says good riddance to a miserable 2020.

Pastry Box has gotten sloppy drunk already. BRING ON 2021!1!!!

The ProofrEADJer: Mid November Edition

 

Things To Watch Out For When Buying a Justice League-Branded Pen

Zack Snyder's mediocre Justice League movie has come and gone, but its merchandising slug trail remains. But if you're keen on purchasing a Justice League 888 Infinite Collection pen from the Swiss  company Caran d’Ache, you're in luck. But here are some pros and cons of buying one of these expensive writing tools ($9.99/each):

Hero Pen: The Flash

Pros: Pop the button, and the nib instantly appears!

Cons: Runs out of ink fast

Hero Pen: Superman

Pros: Almost indestructible

Cons: Quits after three movies

Hero Pen: Wonder Woman

Pros: Survives for decades

Cons: Doesn't have pockets to store

Hero Pen: Aquaman

Pros: Waterproof

Cons: Pointless

Hero Pen: Batman

Pros: Writes nice and dark

Cons: Cannot physically draw a smiley face

Hero Pen: Cyborg

Pros: Lots of working mechanical parts

Cons: Cries like a mangled teenager

Previously On Unitex...

Two doctors. Two different care approaches.

He's chief surgeon of cardiology. She's head of orthopedic surgery. They don't always see eye to eye. In fact, when they're together, it's always...

HEAD TO HEAD, Tuesdays 9/8 C on CBS.

Episode 1: "Pilot"

Dr. Latimer takes issue with Dr. Cahoney's use of a controversial, experimental procedure. The patient survives, but only because Latimer intervenes with a ladle.

Episode 2: "Alliances Forged"

Dr. Cahoney's team of residents are barred from Latimer's cardiology ward. They pose as terminally ill children to gain access and rub it in Latimer's stupid face!

Episode 3: "Series Finale"

Dr. Latimer and Dr. Cahoney can't hide their three-episode-long romance from their co-workers and get unceremoniously fired. They are quickly replaced by a variety show with breakdancers and ventriloquists.

Here Are Your Timesheets For This Week

Greetings, all. This is Gordon from corporate.

No, none of you are in trouble, but it been brought to my attention that this office has been slightly behind the cycle in doing timesheets. Now, being the fiscal bulldog that I am, I had to contact you all directly to stress the importance of DOING YOUR FUCKING TIMESHEETS EVERYDAY. Projects due in an hour? Stop and do your timesheet anyway. Late for a hot date night with your husband? Who cares. Do your timesheet. Building on fire? You can do your timesheets from your phone. Really, there is NO EXCUSE.

Here are this week's timesheets, which I expect you all to fill out by EOD (especially you, Myers):

447553: Pumping up the jam

302404: Filling your laugh lines with cocaine

009261: Taking a kid to Build A Bear Workshop and not buying anything

920427: Slam dunkin' hoes

210749: Inventing and developing the toothpaste jelly donut

820455: Binge watching all 63 seasons of "All My Children"

397576: Honking all over this chick's funbags

631223: Returning Ann Taylor Loft merchandise at a regular Ann Taylor store

342855: Pausing your shit fit for a coffee run

111111: Realizing that making a "duck bill" with Pringles in your mouth is not unique

577321: Finding someplace to unload your Better Than Ezra CDs

492003: Saving Lois Lane for the fucking umpteenth time

The Pathmark of the Beast

A Very Hardworking Entry

Take a look at the following photo.

This photo demonstrates the very real danger of wearing stripes when in a cross walk. That poor guy almost gets killed. So this could be considered (a) an EADJ fashion entry, right?

But look. That guy kind of resembles our own Andrew Gall.

So that also qualifies this as (b) a doppelganger entry.

Now, zoom over to the right a little bit. What is that next to the mailbox?

"Stack Of Mail Bins was so lonely."

See, now we've also got ourselves (c) a things-with-faces entry!

Holy crap, I had no idea a photo I'd take would be such a gamechanging genre-bender!

UAG

Concrete Was Scared By A Goose.

Concrete was scared by a goose.


Manhole cap did nothing to help him.


Potpourri burner was appalled.


Elevator corner was angry.


Hand dryer didn't give a shit.


Dog sweater didn't understand what the big deal was.


Slippers yelled at him for not being brave enough.


Loaf of bread fell asleep.


Then next thing you know, concrete got scared by a crane.

Stickin' It To Tha Man, Dawg

Spotted at a hip-hop music festival: three dudes tag a recycling bin. Really.


A recycling bin.


Really.

Blackberry Face

Blackberry Face affects 1 in 30 Blackberry users.


What is Blackberry Face?
Blackberry Face is an expression similar to Sturgeon Face, except it appears during moments of intense concentration, rather than when saying, "Not bad, but could be better." The mouth is turned down, the chin protrudes a little, and the user starts to resemble Jim Backus from "Gilligan's Island" or one of those statues on Easter Island. (They're both island-related; what could that mean?)


Should people stop using Blackberrys?
Absolutely. But not to avoid having Blackberry Face. People should stop using smartphones in general because it makes them look like total tools when they're friends are trying to have a serious conversation with them. Are you even listening to me, Gail?



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Severe Weather Report

An overnight snowstorm bringing up to 14" of snow has caused the offices of EADJ to close today. Please stand by while we shovel the entrance and make our way back into our blogging headquarters.

Tracklists! Tracklists! Tracklists!

Here's the tracklist to the High School Musical soundtrack:

1) Start of Something New
2) Get'cha Head In the Game
3) What I've Been Looking For
4) What I've Been Looking For (Reprise)
5) Stick To the Status Quo
6) When There Was Me and You
7) Bop To the Top
8) Breaking Free
9) We're All In This Together
10) I Can't Take My Eyes Off of You


Here's the tracklist to the High School Musical 2 soundtrack:

1) What Time Is It
2) Fabulous
3) Work This Out
4) You Are the Music In Me
5) I Don't Dance
6) You Are the Music In Me (Sharpay Version)
7) Gotta Go My Own Way
8) Bet On It
9) Everyday
10) All For One
11) Humuhumunukunukuapua'a


Here's the tracklist to the High School Musical 3 soundtrack:

1) Now Or Never
2) Right Here, Right Now
3) I Want It All
4) Can I Have This Dance
5) A Night To Remember
6) Just Wanna Be With You
7) The Boys Are Back
8) Walk Away
9) Scream
10) Senior Year Spring Musical
11) We're All In This Together (Graduation Mix)
12) High School Musical
13) Just Getting Started


Here's the SNEAK PEEK tracklist to High School Musical 4, which coincidentally is also the same tracklist for "Onset of Putrefaction" by the death metal band Necrophagist:

1) Foul Body Autopsy
2) To Breathe In a Casket
3) Mutilate the Stillborn
4) Intestinal Incubation
5) Culinary Hyperversity
6) Advanced Corpse Tumor
7) Extreme Unction
8) Fermented Offal Discharge
9) Dismembered Self-Immolation
10) Pseudopathological Vivisection