Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"Where is that vase... Ah, screw it. Never mind."

"Oh no! It's right over there but the budget dictates that it's invisible! And now there are three of them!"

"So what did you do this weekend?"

"Not much."

"Hey! Which one of you jurors pooped in the juror box?!"

"They're getting away with the treasure! Let's go!"

"No, I have to get dressed!"

"THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT. LET'S GO."

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"Okay, I bought a thousand copies of 'Brewster's Millions'. How much was that?"

"I'm back, Dad! Wait, you didn't even notice I was gone?! 🙁"

"Wait, where's my horse? THOSE LITTLE FUCKERS!"

"Me, Jane. You, white man in jungle trying to co-opt primate culture for likes."

"F"

"You want to hire the Iceman? Yeah, I'll ice anybody you need me to ice, for the right price. You're not a cop, are you? Because icing somebody means killing, which is illegal."

"Barney, I think we're about to have a pointless, wacky foot chase around the castle and end up in exactly the same spot!"

"This pillow you got from D.C. is so delightfully soft! The feathers are so bouncy! What was the secret, you say?"

"I know what you're gonna say. I get it all the time. But yeah, I am not him. I admit, my name is similar. So don't even make a joke about it and start talking funny."

"Привет!"

EADJ Just Wants To Say Hi

Hey there. No, don't get up– we weren't going to stay for long. Just wanted to drop in and say hello and make sure you're doing okay. No, you're not in trouble. There is no major formal reason why we're here. We just wanted to check that you were still enjoying this blog after 16 years of this. We know we've had some good enduring segments and others that either fell to the wayside or were just shitty to begin with LOL.

Yeah. But we're glad you still hanging around for some reason. You look great, btw.

SUBMITTED!

On my lunch break, I took the film I found in one of the cameras (from the previous blog entry) to CVS for developing.



She said the film would be ready tomorrow at noon. I left my real phone number, but in case the photos turned out to be fucking bizarro or highly illegal, I left an alias:

False Alarm. *Whew*

An urgent report Friday had announced that Joel did NOT eat dick the previous day. After consulting various sources and celebrity blogs, we can safely say with certainty that that report was incorrect. Joel had in fact eaten 87 dicks on Thursday. That's an 87 dick disparity. Last time we consult the Drudge Report.

At a press conference held at a food court in a Richmond, Virginia mall, EADJ spokesperson Dwight Flannagan expressed both relief and anger. "While I am glad to hear that Joel has continued to eat the dicks he so dearly loves, I am angered at the inconsistency we have shown in reporting his dick-eating. I hereby resign as spokesperson of Eat A Dick, Joel. Thank you."

The press conference was met with shrugs from reporters and bystanders, who were pretty sure Dwight Flannagan was a fictional person, just like Sue McCloskey.

(pictured above, Brad proves time and again that he is indeed a treasure)

SHORTER FATTER VERSION- BLACK & WHITE UPDATE

(The ongoing saga of the elusive Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson continues. This entry is by guest writer Joe Nudelman (don't laugh), who graciously provided us with his take on the recent dearth of SFVOSP sightings. This entry is in black and white to hearken back to the romantic days of film noir.)

The shorter and fatter version of our beloved (term used loosely) Scott Peterson has proven to be quite elusive, and therefore much more cunning than might have otherwise been assumed. He has been spotted, both rarely and briefly, in the lobby in the general vicinity of the elevators. One can only assume due to the subjects’ stout stature that he frequents such fine eating establishments as Sbarro and Dunkin’ Donuts. Both businesses are within short range of the elevators, and could prove to be prime locales to camp in hopes of catching a glimpse of the ‘Shorter & Fatter Scott Peterson’.

It is my personal theory that the Shorter & Fatter Scott Peterson (above) has proven quite difficult to spot for several reasons. If you take note to this side-by-side comparison between the ‘human’ Scott Peterson and the ever elusive Shorter & Stouter Scott Peterson (below), you will note the bulbous belly area, accompanied by his short stature, likely due to a stunted and primitive physical development, create a much more animalistic appearance than that of Scott Peterson.

Therefore, it is my conclusion that this ‘man’ is not a man at all. But in fact, that which we’ve all come to know as the 'Shorter & Fatter Scott Peterson' is more of a sub-human primitive creature. He is likely more of a distant relative of the fantastical Sasquatch, known to many as ‘Big Foot’. I would, however, be more inclined to infer that this sub-humanoid creature is more, in essence, a ‘Little Foot’. I say that not simply because the film The Land Before Time is great and should be referenced more often; but as a result of the Shorter & Fatter Scott Peterson’s lack of height. Seeing as this is a creature of the wild that we are dealing with here, and what with winter and her blisteringly cruel elements in full effect; in all likelihood, the beast is hibernating. He is simply waiting for Spring to have sprung before emerging from the cave that is his garden apartment, and attempting to function in our scary go-go world. – Joe Nudelman