Showing posts with label balcony jumpers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label balcony jumpers. Show all posts

Thursday, May 15, 2025

Highlights From Last Week's Consumer Electronics Show


CES 2025 in Las Vegas has come to a close. Here are the most interesting exhibitors from last week's Consumer Electronics Show:


• A portable sticker printer that only prints the word SCAG

• An old flip phone from 1998 that still has Spice Girl Geri Halliwell's number in it

• Samsung's new foldable TV for people who want to fold their TV for some reason

• A home version of a boba tea maker that also takes forever

• Bathroom scale that displays your weight and warns if you've been watching too much Fox News for one day

Monday, January 13, 2025

The Curious Product Shots of Basement Shelving on Amazon

I was in the market for some sturdy shelving for the basement and looked on Amazon. What I found wasn't so much helpful as it was odd.


Quite a few shelving units had an attractive woman standing next to the shelving unit to assumedly show scale. But these women were dressed for a Vegas bachelorette party or a bitcoin commercial, not for stacking laundry detergent.


I mean, I get it. Maybe most basement shelf purchasers are men. So sure, let's hook them with a gussied up busty blonde and then let their dick make the purchasing decisions. 


I guess the alternative is showing some young dude jumping midair. And now I don't know if the shelving is huge or that guy is tiny as a 4th grader. You can't win!

Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Skims Lingerie is Not Just a Lingerie Company. It's an Outreach Program for Supermodels

Earlier this year Kim Kardashian launched an ad campaign for her Skims lingerie line, featuring a reunion of former Victoria's Secret models: Candace Swanepoel, Heidi Klum, Tyra Banks, and Alessandra Ambrosio. The former 'Angels' expressed gratitude and relief after being laid off in recent years by Victoria Secret in a new push to feature "regular-looking" models. The reality star with the giant ass said she hopes to make lingerie purchases based on unrealistic body images fashionable again.




Editor's full disclosure: I myself am fat.

Monday, April 4, 2022

Let's Rest Our Gangrenous Leg On Top of the EADJ Mail Sack!

 Submitted by Pat Ng: 

"It doesn’t seem like the winning team practices workplace safety."




Thursday, January 13, 2022

More Available But Stupid Porn Stage Names


"Sup. Wait, hold up, hoss. You can't walk onto set and start fucking until you get yourself a porn name. My buddy Huzz has some available porn names in that bucket over by the window, and you can help yourself. But be warned, my dude– they're mostly shitty and embarrassing. Like the movies themselves.


Him


B. Nana Sling


Rodrigo Skidmarks


Banging Chad


Ollie Wantsistocuddle


Randy Sumbitch



Her


Mona Clonal Antibodies


Polly Urethane


Cher N. Sharealike


Maxine Out Yourcreditcards


Pegging Youhard


Belle Bivdevoe

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Emily RANTS, or... Wait, What Was This Segment Called Again? Oh, Yeah. EMILY VENTS 4

Editor's Note: Emily has plenty of opportunity to be outraged about anything else going on in the world but has opted to continue picking apart Potbelly's Instagram feed, as is her absolute right. 



Jingle jingle, here comes the shittiest snowman you’ve ever seen, so no, I’ll pass.  The face is pants-on-head retarded including that wet piece of industrial brown paper towel featured as “backwoods learning disability hair.” #justfuckmyshitup 


“What if we were to style the soup so that it would simulate drinking pubes?”  “I got this, fam.” At least when you eventually put your wet earmuffs back on you won’t be able to hear any more terrible copy. 


This one continues to make me particularly angry.  Hey, here’s some wadded up paper bags with a cookie haphazardly glued on (not for human consumption).  Oh and hey – I included some coffee grounds in a filter because with this thoughtful gift, I’m clearly staying for breakfast.  You don’t even need to know what I look like.  #anon


Happy Valentines Day, from your favorite scissoring sandwiches. 



Oh cool, guys.  A 45-billion old dino patty.  Dry cracks and all.  Do you have a pamphlet in case I need more tiny pieces of skin hanging from the roof of my mouth?  Snicker-Don’t. 


5 second rule.


Met your true love with the Trash ‘n Coffee Grounds Bouquet?  Now join your life with your one and only with our Sweaty Outdoor Wedding Meat Bouquets.  Adult Nuptials Diaper not included. 


Shameless equity stealing from a polar opposite day of social cause.  #missingthepointentirely (thanks, Estoye)


And here is some Bonus Content for both of you E.V. readers: A profile of Potbelly's Social Media Director, Sharon Tubbs! (authored by Emily Kane)


Sharon Tubbs
VP, Social Media Content Specialist, Potbelly Corporation

Sharon joined the Potbelly team in 2014, brought on by the need to define a voice and visual style for Potbelly in the social media space that reflects core Potbelly values and is flexible enough to be continually topical to the Facebook community year round.  Her Potbelly content pillars New-New, Education, Food Personification, Current Events and Distinctive Styling have inspired messaging streams that have significantly increased engagement, affinity and acquisition measures since implemented.  Her “Bag Bouquet” post in February 2017 gained particular traction among the online audience, and she’s particularly well known for her social post verbiage puns which she implements with discretion as part of her Surprise & Delight messaging strategy.

Sharon came to Potbelly after 9 years with Dress Barn (Ascena Retail Group, Inc.), where she successfully launched the brand’s first website in 2006.  Prior to that, Sharon held the position as Innovation Design Director for Broderbund’s ClickArt division, expanding their portfolio of boxed DVD offerings via Holiday and Christian collections. Both launches increased HH penetration by way of broadened consumer relevancy.

On a more personal note, Sharon has a long-term seat on the board of directors for the Save the Manatee Club and has a running side project on etsy that offers more conservative bachelorette party products for sale.  Sharon works from home in Orlando, FL with her budgie “Chirps” and her two ferrets, “Randy” and “Simon.”  

Friday, October 5, 2012

Twitter's Least Used Hash Tags, Week of October 1


Here are this week's most underused Twitter hash tags (feel free to use on your own Tweets):


#diarrhearules
#thesearscatalogfrom1985
#coldplaymakesmecry
#honorkillingstonight
#masturbatingwithacdspindle
#bostonmarketdelicious
#radaroreillyscock
#fingerholes
#pleasedontfollowme
#sexingupmybrother
#borscht
#scottstappfollower
#))<>((