The Latest Successful Crowdfund Projects on Kickstarter

Kickstarter has announced its latest round of greenlit enterpreneurial projects. Backers of these projects can look forward to not getting ripped off:

• a hands free toilet that wipes your ass with scorching lasers

• an album by a washed up pop singer covering traditional Irish folk songs although the singer isn't remotely Irish

• a t-shirt that says I'M JUST THE BAR BACK for bar backs at bars

• an ice tray that makes specially shaped cubes that slip out of your hands and onto the kitchen floor (No wait, they all do that)

• crunchy mouthwash

• breast milk spumoni

• a helpful NYC map that shows all the sidewalks where you'd get arrested if you took a dump

Screensaver Themes You Probably Forgot About

Screensavers were popular in the 90s during the boom of personal and office computers. The belief was that these screensaver programs would help "save" computer screens from burning out by giving them something constantly moving instead of a steady signal. One popular screensaver theme was After Dark's Flying Toasters (pictured). Here now are some other screensaver themes you may have forgotten:

• Dean Cain flexing his Superman muscles

• Rotating "Seaquest DSV" logo

• Super-complex animation of 3 ribbons weaving and unweaving

• Kim Basinger strip solitaire

• Scrolling lyrics of "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia

• Dancing baby bloody footprints

• Animated text from John Grisham's "The Chamber"

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To HBO Max This Month

 Every so often, HBO Max renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to the streaming service this month:

• Prescription Road Show: How Much Is This Stolen Medicine Worth?

• Documentary: SKORTS: A Cultural Touchstone

• Fresh Prince From Bel Air Reboot Reboot

• Paul Giamatti Does Dramatic Readings of Safe Meat Handling Brochures

Here are the shows and movies that HBO Max is removing from their lineup this month:

• Lord of the Rings: Fellowship Of the No Wait It's a Game of Thrones Show

• Alternative Sopranos Series Where Tony Runs a Successful Dry Cleaners Business

• Succession/Billions Crossover Event

• Problematic Looney Tunes Cartoons From Back When They Were Funny

Don't Mess With The Bull, Young Man. You'll Get The Racist Appliances

New Corporate ID Makeovers For 2015

With a new year comes new corporate rebranding efforts and identity updates. Here now are the most recent ID changes within the Fortune 500:

CosbyCo is now Roof-E Enterprises.

DC Comics is now Marvel 2 (or Marvel, Too!)

Ticketmaster had a simple name and logo update.

UPS also had a simple name and logo update.

And E! Channel decided to get honest.

EADJ Fashion Roundup, Autumn Look Book Edition

Let's see what the beautiful people are wearing this fall.

When traveling, a mustard and jade ensemble can be topped off with a pink toilet cushion around your neck for that international striped gelato look. Bra straps be damned!

These two ladies were all decked out in opposite colored dresses for a concert in Brooklyn. The woman in white going all out in a cream pair of Christian Louboutin heels, and her friend opting for open-toed flats.

Lord Christ Jesus God Almighty, there is one hell of a wingman to be made there.

Camilla tells the world she doesn't give a shit in this unique ensemble of Hannah Montana pajama pants, a cinched M*A*S*H t-shirt, and a studded leopard purse. Okay, the fact that the flip flops do match the purse does show she gives a hint of a shit.

Leopard print seems to clash with everything this season, as Dana demonstrates when matching it with a tropical zebra print and bright green hiking Tevas. You cross the street, girl!

Meanwhile in Soho, these actual fashion models were carrying these suspicious terrorism boxes to a local studio. Perhaps they are falconers? Ventriloquists? Or maybe that's their food for the whole year.

Why clash during the week when you can clash at church? Monica pairs a club shirt with some camo pants.

"Judge not lest ye be judged" - Matthew 7:1

"Only God can judge me" -2Pac

Sometimes just getting out of bed is a chore, as Tina shows in her coral pink top, leopard print leggings and black patent shoes. Tina has learned that when you choose not to have pants with pockets, you're forced to wear your keys around your neck like a manager at Sizzler.

Nathan is an intrepid urban explorer in a cowboy hat, walking stick, and the outfit Rodney Dangerfield wore in "Ladybugs."

Let's Form An Alliance With Both The Warrior Goblins, The Tree Elves And The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by John Reid:

New Jersey Train Stop Vs. Fishermans Wharf in San Fran

I'm sure some film majors could read a lot into this.

Hey, You Think I'm Done Picking On "Ten Inch Hero" Yet?

The answer is no, assholes. There's still more to make fun of with this forgettable movie (even though I'm sort of obsessed with it). Keep in mind, this film did have likeable characters, and it was produced nicely and well-intentioned, but that doesn't mean it didn't suck m'balls.

In addition to the official website, I actually found a page devoted to "Ten Inch Hero" fan fiction. That's right. These stories are mainly focused on Priestly– I'm sorry Boaz- because apparently a lot of chubby chicks totally swoon over that actor from "One Tree Hill." The stories are even rated according to if they contain cussing or are considered "canon." "Ten Inch Hero" canon. Now I've geeked everything.

Also, here are a couple of re-do's for the write-up:

Food.

Pictured below, craft service is not very excited about today's offerings.

Breakfast.

Not to be outdone by KFC's Double Down chicken-as-the-bread sandwich, IHOP announced their new Pancake Stackers, where cheesecake turds are sandwiched between pancakes with fruit and a dollop of whipped cream on top.

"Customers can now enjoy pancakes– an already unhealthy, carby breakfast– with unnecessarily sweet fruit topping and a super-high calorie dessert in between," said Helen Trenton, VP of Marketing, "Pour some lingonberry syrup on top of all that, and PanCAKES with cheeseCAKE will now be the biggest pigfucker breakfast on the planet!"

Mrs. Trenton then gagged and gave a doctor the finger.

A Non-Mystery Solved

Matt S and Larry K told me the other day about a breakfast incident at Old Bridge Deli: Matt ordered a sausage biscuit with cheese and was refused. He said they refused on grounds that they won't put sausage with cheese for some reason. They also pointed out that the Deli was under new management, so that might be a new bizarre policy.


My first thought was, maybe the new managers are trying to be like, kosher. Mixtures of milk and meat are prohibited according to Jewish Law, based on a verse (Exodus 34:26) in the Old Testament.

Talmudic rabbis believed that the Biblical text only forbade eating a mixture of milk and meat, but because the Biblical regulation is triplicated they imposed three distinct regulations to represent it:

* not cooking meat and milk together (regardless of whether the result was eaten)
* not eating milk and meat together (regardless of whether it was cooked together)
* not benefiting from the mixture in any other way

This theory, with regards to the Old Bridge Deli, was quickly exploded by Matt:
"Sausage, duh."

So Matt & Larry encouraged me to investigate the matter myself. Which I did this morning. And oddly enough, I got sausage, egg and cheese on a croissant without a hitch.




It is currently unknown whether they were discriminating against Matt for some reason, but stay with EADJ News for the latest on this developing story. Also, we will be watching closely whether this new management will pay their city taxes or experience electrical problems.

Burned By Dunkin Donuts AGAIN.

Some of you readers might remember an earlier entry (remember, who am I kidding?) where the wife and I had breakfast at Dunkin Donuts and got burned by their shitty service/food. Well, I got burned by their advertising this time and got a belly full o' nuthin out of it.


Saturday morning, I ordered one of their "Wake-Up Wraps," because I wanted to wake up and eat something as close to a Meximelt as possible. "One o' them Wake-Up Wraps, please!" So ten minutes later, the English-as-a-second-language student brought out what looked like an empty tray. But it wasn't.





I know I mumbled something about never eating there again, but both J'Net and I know that's not the case; it's the only place to eat breakfast before the on-ramp to 278 West to Jersey. So for now I pound my fist at you, Dunkin Donuts! Till we meet again, my breakfast chain nemesis!

Let's Put a Paper Towel Underneath the EADJ Mail Sack To Soak Up All the Nasty Grease!

Submitted by Lauren Fontinel, uh... hmmm...a submission.

A Challenge Arises.

In response to a recent EADJ entry about a cart that sells bagels stored on a cock-level shelf, a snarky blog reader has challenged this reporter to actually order a bagel (specifically a cock-level one) from said cart. I reluctantly accept.

Tune in next week for a review and write-up of this high-carb waste of time.

An Imagined Conversation.

"We'll call the place Smart Workout."
"Okay. What does that mean?"
"I dunno. And we'll say it's 'An activities venue.'"
"I don't understand what that means, either."
"Then we'll take a few photos of the place to put on the sign outside."
"But there's no one here. It'll be a photo of an empty gym with two rowing machines."
"Then you can take a photo of me being sexy on this here pole, as if we have poledancing classes!"
"I want out of this business, Cheryl. I'm serious."

An Estoye Family Tradition

So for four years in a row now, the Estoye family has made it a grand Christmas tradition to not cook and go eat at Denny's instead. (Yeah, I know it's like two months late for this post, but I just had to get that Intimate Agony movie review out ASAP.) We've consistently picked Denny's for the value, the prices, and the great prices we get on value. Plus if you've ever seen the inside of my parents' fridge, you'd not want to eat there, either.