Showing posts with label Corky Romano. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Corky Romano. Show all posts

Friday, December 7, 2018

25 Days of Hallmark Movies, Day 7: "The Sons of Mistletoe"


After yesterday's intolerable parade of rich white people problems, I decided to do something different than the standard boy-meets-girl romance bullshit. "The Sons of Mistletoe" is the standard learning-the-meaning-of-Christmas bullshit instead. 

A foster home for boys is in danger of being closed when its benefactor dies, and the mentor to the boys must convince the benefactor's daughter not to sell the property for condos. Or the Fox News translation: A government moocher begs a job creator to sacrifice her potential profits to selfishly provide for himself and a handful of ungrateful youth who are already a strain on the welfare system.


 



































Romance Factor: 3 out of 10
Christmas Cheer: 7 out of 10
Overall Rating: 5 out of 10
Time Until First Kiss: 01:29:09


Thursday, September 20, 2012

Who Knew Dwarf Planets Had a Help Line?



Not really. It's an ingenious system that replaces those gunky, germy audio tour devices that tour groups used to use, now at the National Air and Space Museum in Washington, D.C. Now you can use your cell phone to hear more info on stuff! Those rocket scientists are smart.

EADJ readers can now call from their own phone now to hear more about exhibits that they're not standing in front of!

I randomly punched in some codes and found these items:


5# Hubble Space Telescope backup mirror

21# Armillary Sphere

26# Infrared light

30# Uranus and Neptune missing from model

65# Lindsay Lohan's career path (chart and model)

Friday, June 20, 2008

The EADJ Crappinema Presents: Happy The Littlest Bunny

Oof. A bad movie is one thing. A bad children's movie that tries to teach you a lesson is an entirely new ball of suck. And after watching this cheaply-animated romp through lesson-land, I'm not even sure exactly what the moral of it all is.







The following is verbatim dialogue from this scene:

Happy: It isn't fair mama! I eat my turnips every day, And still I'm the littlest bunny in the woods!

Mama Bunny: Now, Happy. There's more to life than being a big bunny.

Happy: Like what?

Mama Bunny: Well, like being honest, and having a big heart. If you keep your heart full of love and kindness, it doesn't matter what size your body is. You will be bigger than all the rest.

Happy: It will?

Mama Bunny: In a very special way, yes.

Happy: But, Mosey and Patch– they're always teasing me. I hate being teased.

Mama Bunny: I know, dear. But if you don't react to their teasing, then you'll be bigger than either of them, in spirit.

Happy: I'd rather be bigger than them in body.

Mama Bunny: Sometimes growth happens on the inside before it happens on the outside, Happy.

Happy: Being a littlest bunny stinks! My whole life stinks!

Mama Bunny: (shocked) Happy!

Happy: Well, it does! I'm always being picked on! And not just my brothers, either. Everybody on the woods is picking on me, just 'cause I'm so small!

Mama Bunny: Chicky doesn't pick on you.

Happy: Mama! Chicky is a chipmunk! He's just about the only animal in the woods that isn't bigger than me!

Mama Bunny: Is there anything I can do to make you feel better, Happy?

Happy: Figure out a way to change me from the littlest bunny into the biggest bunny.

(Mama Bunny shakes her head)


















The following is verbatim dialogue from this scene:

Farmer Bellows: There! Maybe if I leave you some food, you'll stop raiding my garden.

(no reaction from the bunnies)

Farmer Bellows: Tell your friends I'll bring fresh vegetables out here for all of you every day until the harvest is over.

(no reaction from the bunnies)

Farmer Bellows: And on until winter, too. Well, eat well, my little friends, eat well.

(no reaction from the bunnies)

(Farmer Bellows leaves the garden. The bunnies still don't react. Because they're bunnies for crying out loud.)






The following is verbatim dialogue from this scene:

Mama: You are going to have some very serious consequences to your actions, young bunny.

"Scrappy": Yes ma'am, I kind of figured as much.

Mama: Good. You and Chicky will have to pay back the field mice every morsel you stole from them, and then some.


"Scrappy": Yes ma'am. We will.

Mama: And you're going to have to stop stealing from Farmer Bellow's garden.


"Scrappy": I will, don't worry. And I'll make sure nobody steals from him, either. Even if I have to stand guard myself!

Mama: Good. And I think you owe your brothers a big apology.

"Scrappy": Yes, ma'am, I sure do.


"Scrappy": I'm sorry, Patch. sorry, Moosie.


Moosie: Ah, that's okay, Scrappy. If it wasn't for me and Moosie teasing you all the time, this wouldn't ever happened.

Mama: I certainly hope you learned something about being big, Scrappy Rabbit.


"Scrappy": Oh, I did, Mama, I did. There's just one thing.

Mama: What is it?


"Scrappy": I don't want to be Scrappy Rabbit anymore. Will you start calling me Happy Rabbit again?

Mama: Well, well. It looks like the littlest bunny is finally growing up.

(Scooby and the gang then burst out in laughter)



So Happy's brothers were never in any danger. In fact, their vandalizing Farmer Bellow's garden prompted him to start sharing more with the animals. So what was the lesson to learn from all this? That becoming a violent asshole will make you a big shot, and eventually it will get you into trouble but that will somehow fix itself and reward everyone around you, so it was all worth it. Kind of like the end result of "Shaft."