The ProofrEADJer: Soho Deli Edition

Track List From The Broadway "The Bridges of Madison County" Musical

For those who haven't seen it yet, here is the list of songs to expect when watching "The Bridges of Madison County" on Broadway, playing until sometime next month. Or sooner.

1) "That's Not Clint Eastwood"

2) "Whiny Hausfrau"

3) "Soooooo Bored With My Marriage"

4) "A Nice Drive (Through Changing Leaves)"

5) "(So Am I Supposed To Pretend) This is Romantic?"

6) "Balls Deep"

7) "Once Again We Meet Again"

8) "Bali Ha'i"

9) "He Don't Love You (The Way I Love You), Bitch"

10) "Tagging That Ass Under Bridge Support Beams"

11) "Penis"

12) "A Toast To Us"

13) "Autumnal Booty / Bumping Uglies Under The Moon"

14) "Balls Deep (Reprise)"

15) "What The Hell Are You Doing With My Wife In This Stupid Bridge?"

16) "Bridge Duel: Part One"

17) "No Don't Francis"

18) "Bridge Duel: Part Two"

19) "Another Brick In The Wall: Part Two"

20) "Wait, I Just Noticed That's Not Meryl Streep"

21) "Finale / Packin' My Summer Dresses"

A Nearby Deli With Meat

Look at this place. All dudes. Dudes serving dudes.


This place is a total...

Whenever A Door Closes...

I happened by 41st Street yesterday and noticed that The Old Bridge Deli is no more. In its place is "Everyday Gourmet Deli." Crappy name. Under new management, I guess.


The first question I had was answered immediately with a sign out front:


FUCK YES. I guess we'll be trying out an old favorite in the new joint! No word yet on if they still have the random, vandalizable fountain upstairs. Stay tuned on whether we'll move Project Fountain to phase 3.

The Worst of All Possible Outcomes

Spotted today at the front entrance of the Old Bridge Deli, the beloved Rolly Wrap machine is slated for removal.



Here to commemorate the passing of a beloved foodstuff, a poem by e. e. cummings, slightly altered for this entry:

i carry your rolly wrap with me


i carry your rolly wrap with me(i carry it in
my stomach)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no bread(for you are my bread,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever that guy with the mustache and dirty apron has always meant
and whatever an oven will always bake is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the menu that offers roni, cheesy, super, munch roll, or veggi

i carry your rolly wrap(i carry it in my stomach)


e. e. cummings

A Non-Mystery Solved

Matt S and Larry K told me the other day about a breakfast incident at Old Bridge Deli: Matt ordered a sausage biscuit with cheese and was refused. He said they refused on grounds that they won't put sausage with cheese for some reason. They also pointed out that the Deli was under new management, so that might be a new bizarre policy.


My first thought was, maybe the new managers are trying to be like, kosher. Mixtures of milk and meat are prohibited according to Jewish Law, based on a verse (Exodus 34:26) in the Old Testament.

Talmudic rabbis believed that the Biblical text only forbade eating a mixture of milk and meat, but because the Biblical regulation is triplicated they imposed three distinct regulations to represent it:

* not cooking meat and milk together (regardless of whether the result was eaten)
* not eating milk and meat together (regardless of whether it was cooked together)
* not benefiting from the mixture in any other way

This theory, with regards to the Old Bridge Deli, was quickly exploded by Matt:
"Sausage, duh."

So Matt & Larry encouraged me to investigate the matter myself. Which I did this morning. And oddly enough, I got sausage, egg and cheese on a croissant without a hitch.




It is currently unknown whether they were discriminating against Matt for some reason, but stay with EADJ News for the latest on this developing story. Also, we will be watching closely whether this new management will pay their city taxes or experience electrical problems.

If It's Not One Thing, It's Another

Apparently taxes aren't the only thing troubling The Old Bridge Deli. One morning last week, I strolled in there, and people were milling about in total darkness.




That was last week. As of today, the damn place is still closed. The city must friggin' hate that place.

Somebody At Old Bridge Deli is Fucking With Me.

In a December entry, EADJ revealed that along with all the other toys that had been purged in "The Great Purge," some native figurines had also disappeared from the Old Bridge Deli fountain.

This visual from the December entry tracks the disappearance of two "nativity figures:"


But months and months later, we discovered that two of the indigenous figures had been RETURNED to their little manger-hut thing. This photo was taken June 15:


Now, after consulting the boys in the EADJ Think Tank®, we have come up with four possible scenarios to explain why they would return:

SCENARIO ONE: The two figures were being cleaned by a Chinese figurine cleaning specialist, Wang Tzu-sung (yes, the same Wang Tzu-sung who plays shortstop for Uni-President Lions of Chinese Professional Baseball League). Due to his hectic baseball schedule (which he pronounces "sheh-jool" like the English do), Wang Tzu-sung has taken longer than usual to clean the mold, dust, and water stains from the figures.


SCENARIO TWO: Some asshole at Old Bridge Deli knows about this blog and reads it regularly to see if we post his manipulations. Well, we're talking to YOU now, Old Bridge employee! You think this is some kind of sick chess game, with your Chinese figurines as playing pieces on that chess board that you call a fountain? Well, CHECKMATE, my brother! The game is afoot, and your ass is aplomb! (Yeah, that didn't make any sense.)

SCENARIO THREE: Skynet, a self-aware network of supercomputers, has launched two shapeshifting cyborgs, or "Terminators," back in time to kill a young Basil Connor, beloved cousin of John Connor, the future leader of the human resistance. The reason why the machines would go through all the trouble to kill a cousin of John Connor or why the Terminators have chosen to take the shape of two chintzy Chinese figurines remains unclear, but when you think about it, most of the last few movies don't make a lick of sense anyway. Directed by McG. Rated R.

SCENARIO FOUR: I'm losing my mind.

Project Fountain: Recap, Postmortem, and Next Steps

Since our last Project Fountain entry on December 15, there hasn't been any activity at the Old Bridge Deli dining area, either from a hiding-toys-in-the-fountain standpoint or a reason-to-eat-there-to-see-if-anyone-noticed standpoint. The sudden removal of ALL the toys on December 10 (from now on known as "The Great Purge") left little to rebuild on, a veritable scorched earth policy that has left the region barren for half a year. Fortunately, some donations for future placement by Larry K and Matt S could revitalize this project. Enough time has also passed for the management of the Old Bridge Deli to have forgotten about last year's invasion, so EADJ looks forward to reporting any potential new developments in Project Fountain. But if Old Bridge Deli employees are somehow reading this blog, no, we are just talking abstractly and are NOT planning anything. Hey, look over there!

Something I've Discovered About People

No matter where a fountain might be, whether it's in the dining area of a crappy deli, or in Trafalgar Square, or even in a display in a Lowe's Home Improvement Store, people will always want to throw their coins in it.


Always.

Fresh Direct Friday: Moroccan Chicken With Herbed Couscous, or Well, Whaddaya Know, They Don't All Suck After All

I was really dreading doing a fifth punishing mouthful of steaming hot microwave food today. But duty calls and I psyched myself up for more Fresh Direct. Today I chose Moroccan Chicken With Herbed Couscous from Smart & Simple and kissed my wife goodbye.


Although there was a torrential downpour outside, the kitchen had only one other person in it. It was quiet in there. Too quiet. I was tempted to get the salmon just to piss off the workers nearby.


This time, the instructions called for FOUR minutes of cooking. Why the extra time? What difference could one lousy minute make in the grand scheme of things? Better safe than sorry, I guess. I also remembered that couscous would probably require a wee bit more preparation.



As it cooked in the microwave, I noticed something new– whatever was in there was actually starting to smell GOOD. What the hell.


A disturbing 'pop' came from the microwave. I peeked in to see that the seal had broken. Did this mean it wasn't being fully cooked anymore? Should I tape it back up?


So I took it up to my desk, peeled back the wrap, and whoa:

A few pokes with a fork showed that yes, it was real food and not one of those plastic props at the front of Chinese restaurants that look remarkably real. And yes, the chicken breast was smaller than a gallstone my friend Mel once passed and showed me, but it did look tasty. No, the chicken, pervert.

The chicken proved a little too tough for a plastic fork, so I had to break out a metal one.

All the disappointment of the previous four days dissipated with the first taste. There was a medley of snap peas, white raisins and asparagus that accompanied the moist (however tough) chicken. The couscous was cooked (not al dente) and benefited from tiny scallions, thinly-sliced almonds and spices. Slices of zucchini and carrots went well with the chicken, all drenched with a light soy sauce. In short, pretty damn good.

A few minutes later, I looked down and saw another first:

Yes, my friends, this was the best dish all week. Which isn't saying much when you think about it. But it was a solid, well-seasoned meal that I would buy again if I ever had to work late and the 24-hour Old Bridge Deli were somehow closed due to tax problems and it was raining too hard to go anywhere else. So there's a ringing endorsement.




Overall rating: F

It Ain't Over

Okay, I had no intention of posting a Project Fountain update. Frankly, I'm tired of the bit and the "Great Purge" from last week just broke my heart. So I went into Old Bridge Deli just to grab a sandwich and a gallon of milk. But what I saw in the fountain in the upstairs dining area did warrant an EADJ entry:





Somebody there is fucking with me now.

Mission Sorta Accomplished: Project Fountain 5.2