The ProofrEADJer: End of February Edition

Submitted by Emily Kane:

More Unwanted Taglines For A Crappy Movie That Came And Went Already

The ProofrEADJer: June Edition

Boombox Was Surprised He Was Still Around.

Boombox was surprised he was still around.

Roller kept his mouth shut about it.

Pink Balloon wanted to talk about it with someone.

Toilet Paper Dispenser was going apeshit over it.

(Submitted by Andrew) French Toilet was surprised.

But American Toilet wasn't surprised at all.

Ethan And Theo

Editor's Note: Earlier in the month we posted the downside to attending an all-ages show. Here now is one serious upside. All that you're about to read is true.

Last Saturday, Andrew Gall and I attended the Rock The Bells Hip Hop Show on Governor's Island which featured the greatest rappers and DJs from the early 90's: KRS-One, Rakim, A Tribe Called Quest, Wu-Tang Clan, Snoop Dogg, and DJ Premier, to name a few. And it was all ages. The crowd was a good mix, both racially and age-wise. A few minutes before Snoop Dogg was about to perform, Andrew and I spotted two very young gentlemen in front of us– one chubby, one thin. They looked pretty drunk, and we noticed how one had even found a discarded drink wristband and crudely reassembled it on his wrist. I said to Andrew, "Hey, look in front of us. It's 'Superbad.'"

And wouldn't you know it, they heard me. This gave them the opportunity to approach and laugh it off with us. When the chubby one started saying he really is Jonah Hill's little brother, I told him he was a terrible liar. We asked them what they've been drinking to get so hammered, and the chubby one (named Ethan) produced a water bottle filled with vodka. "Where did you get the vodka?" one of us asked him. His parents' basement, Ethan said.


The skinny one (named Theo) told us he also gave blood earlier that day, making the alcohol affect him even more. They had taken a train down from Connecticut and were having the time of their lives. Turns out Ethan was 16 with only a learner's permit and Theo was slightly older. I laughed at both of them for not being old enough to even rent a car yet. Theo gave me the finger.

Ethan told Andrew and me that he was going to Princeton and that he would soon be joining "us college age dudes" after graduation. Andrew and I were stunned that he mistook us for 20-year-olds.

We did ask them how they were into this type of music scene, rather than being into screamo or 30 Seconds To Mars. Theo said, "Isn't that some old sitcom?" Andrew corrected him, saying that was "3rd Rock From The Sun." I couldn't tell whether that was Theo's youth or vodka confusing him.

Then when we were all getting along, Ethan asked me semi-politely what my nationality was. I told him I'm Filipino, and he started "apologizing for World War II" to me. Instead of asking him to elaborate on why a Jewish kid needs to apologize to a Filipino man for WWII, I told them, "You boys enjoy the show." Theo was smart enough to pick up on the hint to get the fuck out and grabbed his friend's arm to whisk him to another part of the crowd.


Andrew and I have since wondered if Ethan and Theo puked later that night from all that vodka. One would hope. Plus I would imagine their after-show misadventures would have a pretty awesome soundtrack featuring Van Halen, De La Soul, and Papa Roach.

Good kids.


Unnecessary legal disclaimer: Neither Andrew nor I supplied Theo or Ethan with alcohol of any kind; those two chuckleheads had their own already. But one skinny ginger kid approached Andrew at one point in the show and offered to trade him a valium for the beer he was holding. Andrew declined.

For more information on 89.7FM WRUC, click here.


Tiny Update: A quick check on iMDb reveals that the characters' names on "Superbad" were Seth and Evan. Close enough, right.

EADJ Song Like, Holiday Edition

Here are three really good holiday songs:

1) "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"- Originally written by Phil Spector and performed by Darlene Love for Phil Spector's 1963 Christmas album, this short song has a great melody with a tinge of sadness.



The snow's coming down
I'm watching it fall
Watching the people around
Baby please come home

The church bells in town
They're ringing a song
What a happy sound
Baby please come home



U2 made a rousing ballad out of it; Death Cab performed it with a more plaintive tempo. And even though it's been sung by caterwauls like Mariah Carey, Cher, and Leighton Meester, the melody still holds up, which is a sign of a pretty damn good song.

2) "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"



"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" is a song introduced by Judy Garland in the 1944 MGM musical "Meet Me in St. Louis" offers much more than just a tinge of sadness:

From Wikipedia:
"...A family is distraught by the father's plans to move to New York City for a job promotion, leaving behind their beloved home in St. Louis, Missouri just before the long-anticipated Louisiana Purchase Exposition begins. In a scene set on Christmas Eve, Judy Garland's character, Esther, sings the song to cheer up her despondent five-year-old sister, Tootie, played by Margaret O'Brien."

The original lyrics were considered depressing by Garland and the film's director:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, it may be your last,
Next year we may all be living in the past
Have yourself a merry little Christmas, pop that champagne cork,
Next year we will all be living in New York.

No good times like the olden days, happy golden days of yore,
Faithful friends who were dear to us, will be near to us no more.

But at least we all will be together, if the Fates allow,
From now on we'll have to muddle through somehow.
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

Thankfully, songwriter Hugh Martin changed the lyrics to be more upbeat. But the melody still retains that sadness.

3) "The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire)" by Mel Torme



Okay, this one is a no brainer. The entire song paints an idyllic landscape of Christmas imagery, tying at all up at the end as a greeting to you, the listener. Although covered by pretty much every recording artist out there, including Twisted Sister, Gloria Estefan, The Cheetah Girls, and Alvin and the Chipmunks, this bulletproof song is pleasant to hear and can get anyone in the Christmas spirit.


Okay, those were three good Christmas songs. Everything else, I am fucking sick of hearing.

Get Ready To Live Excellently!

Spotted on 8th Street and 4th Ave in Brooklyn: some fat, bearded guy laid out in his minivan with the motor still running. No more calls, please- we have found our new king.






Here's to excellence! Viva l'excellence!

Let's Put a Paper Towel Underneath the EADJ Mail Sack To Soak Up All the Nasty Grease!

Submitted by Lauren Fontinel, uh... hmmm...a submission.

EADJ Fashion Tip

If you're fat, don't wear one of those punky jackets with skeletons on it. It just shows people how much strain your poor bones are under. Poor skeleton.

Something I Noticed in Vegas Hotel Rooms

(pictured above, like their slots, you always almost get three in a row)

A Cause For Concern in Aisle 3.

There's a noticeable problem arising in supermarkets across the country, and it's taking hold of our breakfast cereals. Not the predominance of fat and sugar in the cereal, mind you; I'm talking about the over-enthusiasm of mascots on the box art. It used to be an aisle full of the harmless, smiling faces of your spokesanimal buddies. Now it's like you're afraid of getting gang-raped there.


"Crazy" used to belong to a select few characters. Their M.O.: disguise themselves so they can steal the cereal from the kids. They always get close to their object of desire but lose their shit at the last moment, foiling themselves every time. It's like the myth of Tantalus played between cartoons every Saturday morning. This was the realm of Sonny and the Trix Rabbit. Some well-defined territory.


But by turning every single one of these mascots into zealots, it's made ALL of them bizarro nutjobs. I feel like they want to give me a "personality test" and tell me of all the thetans that are trapped in my earthly body. Creep-a-roni!


Sad, really. Like nobody has dignity anymore.


Crunch-atizing someone consists of strangling them with an extension cord and burying them in a shallow grave in the woods, btw.


Even flesh 'n blood humans are acting cartoon-wacky. Check out these two.


Calm down, you whores. And yes, even the ones considered cool customers have a hint of psycho in them now. Half open eyes + slack jaw = deranged


I guess I'm supposed to write some sort of wrap-up line here, but fuck it. Just calm down, cereal critters.

Oh My Gawd!

(pictured below, J'Net discovers the free nudie channel on New York cable)