UAG

Screensaver Themes You Probably Forgot About

Screensavers were popular in the 90s during the boom of personal and office computers. The belief was that these screensaver programs would help "save" computer screens from burning out by giving them something constantly moving instead of a steady signal. One popular screensaver theme was After Dark's Flying Toasters (pictured). Here now are some other screensaver themes you may have forgotten:

• Dean Cain flexing his Superman muscles

• Rotating "Seaquest DSV" logo

• Super-complex animation of 3 ribbons weaving and unweaving

• Kim Basinger strip solitaire

• Scrolling lyrics of "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia

• Dancing baby bloody footprints

• Animated text from John Grisham's "The Chamber"

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Every so often, Hulu renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Hulu this month:

• The Real Fake Bitches of Wherever

• Game Show: Is This Cake or Cancer?

• Hillbilly Hospital: Mostly Moonshine Still Explosion Injuries

• Footage of Jamiroquai Sleeping

• High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The Making Of Documentary: The Cereal

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu is removing from their lineup this month:

• Star Wars: The Origin Story of That 3rd Jawa From The Left

• Flip That Hospice!

• Dirty, Boring Jobs That Don't Play Well On Television

• Prawn Stars

• White-Ish

• MSNBC's Round Table of Perpetual Agreement

Missed Connections at a Local Dog Park

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: The cockapoo with the ball in your mouth

Me: The clearly aroused Irish Setter

Hey baby. If you noticed, I was panting but it wasn't because it was hot. It was because YOU are. Let's get together over a can of Alpo and see where the night takes us. ❤️

You: The mixed something-or-other by the chain link fence

Me: The half Beagle with the distinctive bark

Hello! I would like a play date with you sometime! You seem nice! I have no friends!

You: The Yorkshire Terrier with the striking "Emotional Support Animal" vest

Me: The dirty Dachshund with the one bent ear

Hi, Yorky! You obviously seem like a good soul, helping your owner deal with the crushing reality of life. Do you like chasing squirrels? Let's connect! You can bring your oversensitive owner!

The ProofrEADJer: First of 2020 Edition

Chees.

The ProofrEADJer, End-Of-April Edition

A still from the very excellent web series "High Maintenance:"

And, from ahem... an adult website...

Channel 2 News is Crap.

"Around 11:25, we must always, always make room for some kind of retarded animal story. As journalists we owe it to our viewers."

Some Vicious Rumors About Joel That Must Be Quelled

• That he does not eat dick
• That this blog is all in good fun
• That Joel's chimp servant Chad Yarboro is in fact, a small person in a suit
• That Joel rushed Rod Stewart to the emergency room one night to get his stomach pumped
• That Joel rushed Richard Gere to the emergency room to get X-rays
• That most of Joel's earnings come from his African folk art store
• That Joel is not really Hispanic and his show "Mind of Joel" is extremely unfunny
• That Joel's famous "400 Techniques For Eating Dick" are actually 389 with 11 variations on #12
• That Joel is extremely angry with me for not lending him a really nice tray I got from Crate & Barrel because I knew he was going to use it to serve dick on
• That Joel eating the dick of a guy named Dick counts as 2

(pictured above, a recent shot from Pathmark, a bit we don't do anymore because the security guard woman threatened to kick me out if she saw me taking pictures in there again)