Showing posts with label Samantha Bee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Samantha Bee. Show all posts

Monday, January 8, 2018

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"So why do they call you Armstrong? Is it because of the arm?"


"Oh, hump me like a dachshund, Reginald!"


"Stop! Hitting! Me! I'm! The! Mascot! Idiot!"


"Sorry, but the Coke machine is broken again. But I can sell you a few warm cans of Coke that we have stashed behind the desk. Tell you what- instead of 75¢ each, I'll sell you them for a quarter each for your trouble. Sound good? Great. NOW DIE!!! MUHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA"


"This again? We're naked and stranded?"

"Yep. (yawn)"


"Wow, you're still alive in 2017?"

"I know, right?"


"Do you think anyone will wander into this thinking it's another Avengers movie?"

"Wait, this isn't one? Oh. That explains the piddly paycheck."

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The EADJ Pun Police: Detroit, In The Near Future


[...]
[.......]
[BIOS SYSTEM CHECK]
[RAM CHECK]
[CONFIG.SYS]
[MEMORY SET]
[SYSTEM STATUS]
[OK]

[TARGET ACQUIRED: TERRIBLE PUNS]

["TIME TO CLEAN THE STREETS."]


[THE LAST SUPPER  THE CAST SUPPER]
[CAST (N): THE ACTORS TAKING PART IN A PLAY, MOVIE, OR OTHER PRODUCTION]

[SHOOTS BULLET HOLES IN TRUCK]
[TARGET ELIMINATED]


[THEY'RE TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT  THEY'RE TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIFT]
[SHIFT (N): ONE OR TWO OR MORE RECURRING PERIODS IN WHICH DIFFERENT GROUPS OF WORKERS DO THE SAME JOBS IN RELAY]
[21 JUMP STREET: A TV SERIES WHERE POLICEMEN POSED AS TEENAGERS]

[PUN STATUS: PRETTY GOOD]
[LEAVES ALONE]



[JUST BE YOURSELF  JUST BEAD YOURSELF]
[BEAD (N): A SMALL PIECE OF GLASS, STONE OR SIMILAR MATERIAL, TYPICALLY ROUNDED AND PERFORATED FOR THREADING WITH OTHERS AS A NECKLACE OR FOR SEWING ONTO FABRIC]
[BE (V): TO EXIST]

[PUN STATUS: CUTESY, AWFUL]
[LAUNCHES RPG THROUGH FRONT WINDOW]
[TARGET ELIMINATED]
["JUST BE ON FIRE."]




[DAD, YOU RULE]
[RULE (N): A STRIP OF WOOD OR OTHER RIGID MATERIAL USED FOR MEASURING LENGTH OR MARKING STRAIGHT LINES]
[RULE (V): BE A DOMINANT OR POWERFUL FACTOR OR FORCE]

[PUN STATUS: LAZY]
[LAUNCHES 4 GRENADES UNDER DOORWAY]
[TARGET ELIMINATED]
["HAVE A NICE DAY, CREEP."]




[DON'T BE FOOLISH  DON'T BE 'FUELISH']
[FOOLISH (ADJ): SILLY; RIDICULOUS]
[FUEL (N): MATERIAL SUCH AS COAL, GAS, OR OIL THAT IS BURNED TO PRODUCE HEAT OR POWER]

[PUN STATUS: CRINGEWORTHY]
[DRIVES POLICE CAR THROUGH WALL, SHOOTS EVERYONE IN THE FOOT]
[TARGET ELIMINATED]
["YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF CODE 4.13. YOU ARE UNDER ARREST"]



[ARM YOURSELF WITH A FLU SHOT]

[PUN STATUS: NOT CLEVER]
[RUNS OVER SUSPECTS WITH DELIVERY VAN, SHOOTS FOUR IN THE ARM]
[TARGET ELIMINATED]
["I AM LITERALLY SHOOTING YOU IN THE ARM."]




[GRAB HEALTH BY THE NUTS]
[NUT (N): SA FRUIT CONSISTING OF A HARD OR TOUGH SHELL AROUND AN EDIBLE KERNEL]
[NUT (N): TESTICLE (CONSIDERED VULGAR)]


[PUN STATUS: CRASS]
[PULLS HANDGUN OUT OF THIGH HATCH, SHOOTS SUSPECT IN THE FACE]
[TARGET ELIMINATED]
["WELCOME TO DETROIT, CHUMP."]



[NAPOLEON BONAPARTE  NAPOLEON BLOWNAPART]
[FRENCH GENERAL WHO BECAME EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH (1769-1821)]

[PUN STATUS: UNFUNNY, UNNECESSARY- THERE IS NO NAPOLEON HAT PRESENT]
[EXPLODES MAIN SUPPORT BEAM WHICH CRUSHES EVERYONE HIDING INSIDE]
[TARGET ELIMINATED]
["BOO YAH, DUMBASS."]




[OCCUPY WALL STREET DOGGUPY UNION SQUARE]
[PUN STATUS: DANGEROUSLY AWFUL]
[CAUSING INTERNAL PROBøfl⁄⁄⁄
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❐TT
U+273x
 
[RESTARTING]
[...]
[.......]
[BIOS SYSTEM CHECK]
[OK]
[CONTINUE MISSION]




[LIQUIDATION LIQWOODATION]
[LIQUIDATION (N): TERMINATION OF A BUSINESS OPERATION BY USING ITS ASSETS TO DISCHARGE ITS LIABILITIES]

[PUN STATUS: POOR]

[DROPS LIT MATCH ONTO STACK OF LUMBER]
[TARGET LIQUIDATED]
["YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?"]




[STRIKE A CHORD STRIKE A CORD]
[CHORD (N): A GROUP OF NOTES SOUNDED TOGETHER, AS A BASIS FOR HARMONY]
[CORD (N): SHORT FOR CORDUROY,  A THICK COTTON FABRIC WITH VELVETY RIBS]

[PUN STATUS: ANNOYING]
[THROWS PROPANE TANK IN AIR, SHOOTS TANK TO MAKE A HARD-TO-IGNORE EXPLOSION]


[TARGET LIQUIDATED]
["YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?"]






[SERIES OF SHIT-AWFUL PUNS, INCLUDING SEVERAL THAT RELATE TO AVOCADOS]

[PUN STATUS: UNBEARABLE]
[DRIVES FUEL TRUCK OFF OVERPASS ONTO ROOF OF SUBWAY STORE]
[TARGET ELIMINATED]
["YOU CAN APPEAL THIS IN COURT."]



Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Food.

Pictured below, craft service is not very excited about today's offerings.