The Newest Perks of an AMC Stubs Rewards Membership

AMC has enjoyed a surge of new memberships to its Stubs program, thanks to the constant updating of new benefits for cardholders. Here are the latest new offerings for new and current Stubs members:

• Free "Smurfs" popcorn bucket from last year. We're trying to get rid of them.

• Complimentary lap-crumb-removal service at all AMC dine-in theaters

• Nicole Kidman will briefly sit with you to say "Even heartbreak feels good in a place like this."

• You like Takis? We'll have Stuart get you some Takis!

• Special vibrating seat that says "VA VA VOOM!" every time Jacob Elordi appears on screen

• Hey, you on your betting app during the movie. Shut that shit off.

• Close captioning for stupid people

• Free Dag Nasty CD we found in Theatre 3

• Special upgrade to IMAX 70mm, Dolby Surround Sound 3D screening of that terrible "Animal Farm" movie

• We'll make you a custom XL popcorn bucket if you've got 45 hours to wait for the 3D print

UAG

Títulos Alternativos Para un Cómic Mexicano

I found this lovely Spanish comic book at a magazine stand at a NYC subway stop. The drawings are lovely and over the top, as you might expect. What struck me most was the cover:

And rather than "Amores y Amantes" (which boringly translates to 'Love and Lovers'), I wondered what other titles this could sell as...

An Imagined Conversation

"Oh, Dios mío, that was a long flight, José!"

"Yes, Pedro, but finally, here we are, hello America!"

"Uh, yeah. About that, guys..."

"Yes, Mister American in a suit?"
"The thing is, amigos, your host families ducked out of the commitment of hosting youse. Last minute, like, when you guys were in the air."
"¡Ay no! What are we going to do, José?"
"We are going to be destitute, Pedro!"
"No, it's cool, guys. On the way here to the airport, I posted a sign on the side of a random road in New Jersey advertising for anyone to become your host family for the month of July. I'm sure to get a bunch of responses."
"From who?"
"People who happen to drive by, I guess. People who like the Spanish."
"Mister American, this sounds like a very terrible idea!"
"No, it'll be fine, guys. Just you see how many...*cell phone rings*... Oh wait a minute, guys. Here's our first caller! Hello?"
(cell phone chatter)
"Yes, this is he. You called about the Spanish students?"
(cell phone chatter)
"Um, I guess both of them are pretty sexy if you think about it. What was your name, sir?"

The Stars of Latin Pop Radio Are Very Angry With You

The stars of Latin Pop Radio are very angry with you. Muy enojado.

For one thing, they are muy irritado that you haven't watched much Univision although you get it on your 400+ channel cable subscription. You even have Univision HD and haven't bothered to turn to channel 459 once! The only time you've ever even seen Sabado Gigante was when you accidentally scrolled the wrong direction looking for ESPN Classic. ¡Qué decepción!

Ricky Martin is totalmente descorazonado that you haven't caught him in his guest star role on "Glee." He has a net worth of over $60 million and you can't be bothered to see him shake his bon-bon as Spanish teacher David Martinez? Living La Vida Furioso!

Shakira has been a wildly successful judge on "The Voice" this season, and you still think Cee-Lo is on it? She boasts an IQ of 140 and has sold over 7 million copies of her second album alone, and you still mistake her for Christina Aguilera? She is lo lívido that she can't even hablar! Hips don't lie, and her hips are completamente enumeró.

Enrique Iglesias is glad you don't call him "Julio" anymore, but he is muy muy deprimido that you still think he has that birthmark on his face, although he quité that mierda back in 2003. Muy muy muy cabreado.

Don't even think about speaking to the stars of Latin pop radio again until you pensar about what you've hecho.

Let's Ring In The New Year With A Big Cock Two EADJ Mail Sack Entries From Barry!

Barry sent in this flyer:

"Ground your spiritual connection... in Flipper"

And this movie clip:

"Your life would not be complete without seeing this."

Burned By Dunkin Donuts AGAIN.

Some of you readers might remember an earlier entry (remember, who am I kidding?) where the wife and I had breakfast at Dunkin Donuts and got burned by their shitty service/food. Well, I got burned by their advertising this time and got a belly full o' nuthin out of it.


Saturday morning, I ordered one of their "Wake-Up Wraps," because I wanted to wake up and eat something as close to a Meximelt as possible. "One o' them Wake-Up Wraps, please!" So ten minutes later, the English-as-a-second-language student brought out what looked like an empty tray. But it wasn't.





I know I mumbled something about never eating there again, but both J'Net and I know that's not the case; it's the only place to eat breakfast before the on-ramp to 278 West to Jersey. So for now I pound my fist at you, Dunkin Donuts! Till we meet again, my breakfast chain nemesis!