Spotted in the Target Checkout Line

Pictured below: Stuff Old Ladies Like

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to contract negotiations, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• Percy Sledge Songs: An In Depth Behind The Scenes Look At All of Percy Sledge's Songs Besides "When A Man Loves A Woman"

• A Mob-Run Aaron's Rents Furniture

• The Masked, Bound And Gagged Singer

• Tasty Kake Bukakke

• Unsupervised Kids Say The Darnedest Things

• Help! I'm A Celebrity On a Netflix Show Nobody Watches!

Due to periodic contract negotiations, the following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• Sonia Screwed Up

• Lou Bega Lists All 5,681 of His Sexual Partners in New Verses To "Mambo No. 5"

• Horse Piss: The History of American Beer

• The Instagram Comedian Euthanasia Project

• That's Not Guacamole!

• A Show Where We Point Out The Clever T-shirts That We're Wearing

• Boobs: A Nun's Tale

New EADJ Segment: Mister Salty Speaks

In an effort to bring fresh thinking into this tired, unfunny blog, occasionally we'll test drive a new segment to see if it sticks. Here's a new one: MISTER SALTY SPEAKS:

He's a sailor. He's salty. Why wouldn't he speak this way?

An Imagined Conversation.

"We'll call the place Smart Workout."
"Okay. What does that mean?"
"I dunno. And we'll say it's 'An activities venue.'"
"I don't understand what that means, either."
"Then we'll take a few photos of the place to put on the sign outside."
"But there's no one here. It'll be a photo of an empty gym with two rowing machines."
"Then you can take a photo of me being sexy on this here pole, as if we have poledancing classes!"
"I want out of this business, Cheryl. I'm serious."

Oh, That Joel.

Despite his never-ending need to consume massive amounts of dick, Joel still somehow maintains the reputation as a ladies man.

Just yesterday at a Cracker Barrel, four waitresses hit on him at different times. Karla the greeter gave Joel the "tongue-between-two-fingers" symbol as she found him a booth. Deborah (not to be confused with Debbie, the line cook) slipped Joel a napkin with her phone number and a brief description of her nipples. Natalie, when bringing Joel his plate of Country Fried Dick with a side of "Smashed Potatoes," leaned over so he could get a glimpse of her A-cup cleavage. And Serena threw some of her pubes in his fried apples.

Joel, of course, loves the attention. If you've ever seen Joel at the gym, he's always looking in the mirror, but only to see who is checking him out doing his wrist curls.

Plus, Joel is indeed a handsome man. So much so that women don't mind kissing a mouth they know has been furiously chowing down mindboggling amounts of cock. And most men don't mind placing their dicks where lots of women have left their gum.

(pictured above, something really erotic or really painful– I can't decide which)

Work it out, Chimp Servant.

Joel had been complaining about his chimp servant's low muscle tone and weak upper body strength. So he bought it a year-long membership to Shaz, the local hip gym, complete with Olympic-length pool and climbing wall area.

At first, the chimp servant resented wearing the obligatory tank top and shorts. And the treadmill buttons were too high for it to adjust the speed. But after a few weeks, it started to visit Shaz at every opportunity.

In a short period of time, the chimp servant has improved its core muscles, its oblique abs, and its endurance in the sauna. The newly-buff chimp also has been seen canoodling with Rebecca Romijn and Rebecca Gayheart. Joel has meanwhile gained 10 lbs., although his dick-eating burns tons of calories per day.

The chimp servant has recently challenged its master to a wrestling match in the Shaz parking lot. Rebecca Gayheart will be on hand to both referee the match and to run over children while driving with a cell phone. Bookies have 23 to 1 odds on Joel winning the match.

(pictured above, Andrew at one of those lunchtime Bad Film Club viewings. Can't remember which one. "Frogs?")