"Don't Boo– Pathmark."

Come Ride the META-BUS

Spotted in Midtown Manhattan, a bus with an airbrushed painting of ITSELF ON THE BACK.

That's right, bitches. This bus is such hot shit, it wanted its own likeness tattooed on its ass! How full of itself is this bus? That's fucking arrogant and AWESOME.

Even the eagle grabbing a fish out of the lake is amazed by the bus. "Oh, don't mind me, an endangered national bird doing something awesome like fishing from the sky. I just spotted the fucking blue METABUS driving by, with its motherfucking HEADLIGHTS ON IN THE DAYTIME, driving into the dark blue unknown OF ITS OWN PAINT JOB!!!!!! HOLY ASS, THAT IS SOME HOT SHIT!!!!"

9801 FOR LIFE, COCKSUCKERS!

Let's Almost Forget To Submit A Daily Entry For The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Matt S., a piece of obvious (and generic) plot summary for "House."

An Imagined Conversation.

"We'll call the place Smart Workout."
"Okay. What does that mean?"
"I dunno. And we'll say it's 'An activities venue.'"
"I don't understand what that means, either."
"Then we'll take a few photos of the place to put on the sign outside."
"But there's no one here. It'll be a photo of an empty gym with two rowing machines."
"Then you can take a photo of me being sexy on this here pole, as if we have poledancing classes!"
"I want out of this business, Cheryl. I'm serious."

Making Douches With Bottles of Beer.

If the previous issue were any indication, August's issue of Wassup! Magazine was sure to be full of photos of douchebags doing backwards devil horn hand signals. But surprisingly, this was not the case. The magazine itself proved to be hard to find, since most bars in the Wicker Park area simply toss the stack of free magazines in the trash shortly after they are delivered. And you thought Cans had no taste!


The cover, at least, promised plenty of poor wardrobe choices and general cheesecock douchery. I also suspect that the cover's art director is a big Minnesota Vikings fan.


But a few pages in, EADJ was shocked to see such a dearth of devil horns.




Only until the very end of the issue were there any backwards devil horns. This one photo singlehandedly made the douche quota for Wassup! Magazine's editorial staff, ensuring another six months of funding by the National Endowment of the Arts and the Illinois Association of Journalists.



***CORRECTION: The photo labeled "Mothers 2" is actually The Windy City Inn.***

Joel: A Bottomless Dick Pit

Lou Gramm once said "Too much ain't enough to satisfy me." Such is the case with our hero Joel. Still fresh from the 7000 Dick afterparty, he went to Koi in West Hollywood to devour some sashimi and dick. He was spotted leaving with Ashlee Simpson, although the two have not been linked by any of the tabloids.

Always gracious with the paparazzi, Joel waved hello to the cameras before climbing into his Subaru Outback. Flashbulbs lit the tinted windows enough to show that Joel was eating yet even more dick with Ashlee. Sources close to the Outback have said that the dick belonged to Joe Simpson. Creepy!

(pictured above, The Hyatt Place teams get briefed for the 4th time at 5:40 pm.)