The ProofrEADJer: End of August Edition

This one isn't so much a typo as it is very unfortunate word spacing:

Uy, the Indignity of It All

My 7 year old obviously doesn't respect the most feared Sith Lord in the galaxy.

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of June 12

Twitter is just a big, dumb electronic megaphone that any moron can use. But even they have standards. The following are hashtags so unpopular, that maybe a bottom-feeding cockhole like yourself could use them. Go nuts:

#respecttheinjuns

#KraftSinglespasties

#poppinfresh'spenis

#TJMillercomiclegend

#gagmewithahobodick

#ConnectTwofordumbkids

#iscalpedtwoticketstoparadise

#ispankedthemonkeyandthenhebitoffmyface

#doingtheyougotsomethingonyourshirttricktosomeonewhojustlosttheirhealthcare

EADJ Tries To Justify The Odd Group Photos In Halloween Costume Ads

This is more of a writing exercise than anything.

Tony Stark attempts to rescue Pepper Potts' 6 year old niece (who happens to be a toddler pageant champion) from the clutches of a Captain D's employee and a Goth mom who runs a Devil Dogs franchise.

An untested time-traveling teleportation device goes haywire and tragically transforms a 17th Century pirate, an LAPD officer, a Salem Witch and the Devil himself into sexy Latina strippers.

An employee from Universal Pictures (dressed as a Minion) infiltrates a Disney franchise convention between Pixar, Lucasfilm and Disney Animation Studios to steal their trade secrets. Unfortunately, he is discovered and force-choked by overweight security guards.

Good Lord. A group of patriotic (but ill-informed) sorority girls arm themselves with all sorts of shields but end up pregnant anyway.

That's Weird.

I had never pegged Yoda to be the MMA tribal tattoo kind of guy.

The Guy Who Keeps Bringing Up Star Wars On Dates Strikes Back

All Geek To Me

Spotted at the local comic store, some neato Star Wars Jedi Force figures.


On the back, however, I noticed a legal line:



"Products shown in fantasy situation." Well, obviously it is, because Vader was never at Docking Bay 94 in Mos Eisley when the Stormtroopers were trying to apprehend Han, Luke, Ben, the droids and Chewy when they had left the cantina. Also, by that time, Luke had already sold his X-34 landspeeder to the Vuvrian alien Wioslea to help pay Han and Chewy to take them to Alderaan. I mean, right, guys? Ahem.

That Logo Looks Familiar

Spotted at Bob's Furniture in Jersey, a set of "Bob-O-Pedic" children's furniture:

First Unfortunate Logo of 2009

Found in the iTunes Applications store, a logo for Wine Enthusiast Guide:


Unfortunately, it looks like the crotch of a half naked dude with a red t-shirt and some serious bush.

Who Are We Advertising To?

In advertising, there are people whose job it is to define a target audience– to figure out exactly to whom one is selling. These people are called ACCOUNT PLANNERS. The good planners are often named Phil Flickinger, but there are others I've come across who do little more than throw together a perfunctory "mood board" with some glitter glue and shuffle around some important sounding words to pass off as work. This, of course, does not apply to my current job, where the planners are not doing that. Just want to clear that up to anyone who thinks that's the case. Because that would be stupid of me to do on a public blog. Ham sandwich.

Here are examples of some "demographics" that BAD planners invent to make it look like they did their job:

"Food Enthusiasts"- These go-get-'em achievers are successful, forward-thinking, and most of all, EAT FOOD! Whether it's breakfast in the morning, lunch around noon, or dinner in the evening, these "Food Enthusiasts" are always game for some "chow!" Some "F.E.'s" even enjoy eating in groups, which makes them very social! Ages 24-36. Income $20K-$789K

"Car Riders"- Ever meet someone who didn't like to walk 100 miles? Chances are they're "Car Riders," an emerging new demographic that really tends to stay inside an automobile when it's in motion. These upwardly mobile goal-oriented passengers are really gung-ho about being in a vehicle that's taking them somewhere! 50% male, 50% female. Income $2K-$3M

"Anti-Murderees"- Today's hectic society has created a new group who has proactively kept up with today's more dangerous times. This contemporary new social subdivision tends to REBEL against the idea of getting killed! Way to go, Anti-Murderees! You have taken a stand AGAINST being stabbed, shot, strangled, pushed out a window, crushed by boulders, shocked in the bathtub, poisoned by mercury, vaporized by atom bomb, and thrown to hungry Rottweilers! Keep up the good work! We salute you in your fight against becoming corpses! Income 4¢-$699 Trillion.

"Maracanalists" Young, hip, and ready to go at a moment's notice, this active group of fun-loving rebels buck the system and shoot for the stars by shoving the handle of Mexican maracas up their ass. Rejecting the traditional use of maracas as musical instruments or their buttholes as buttholes, they have "lifehacked" their environment to achieve their own ends, LITERALLY! Restricted to one guy on 163rd Street in the Bronx. Income, none.

(pictured above, a typical "Mood Board")

Let's Replenish the Dilithium Crystals of the EADJ Mail Sack!

For this very special sci-fi edition of the EADJ Mail Sack, Pat Ng submits this sad news story:

Star Trek: The Experience Closing in Las Vegas

Also, Tom W has submitted this:

Sith.

(pictured above, yet another Star Wars item more enjoyable than the Prequel trilogy)