EADJ ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: What If Andrew Gall Had Never Met Megan?

The following is an entry by the Andrew Gall from parallel universe #68456E, wherein he never meets his fiancée Megan M in Chicago:

Hi guys! It's me, Andrew. I guess a lot of you have been wondering what I've been up to lately since we all worked together at CK. Well, since getting laid off that place after we lost the Kia account, I had been keeping myself busy by working at That's Our Bag, working the register, restocking the window, stuff like that.

On weeknights, I've been pretty social– a group of cool guys I know from the gym have formed a World of Warcraft guild, and we call ourselves "OMG Crew," you know, like "Oh My God" crew? LOL! (that means "Laugh Out Loud")



Work-wise, I've been doing pretty well. The Manager Monica lets me sell on the floor now instead of merely answering the phone or restocking the back. But that also means I have to dress in khakis instead of shorts. A worthy tradeoff for a .10 per hour raise!


Speaking of money, I've been saving up for a Playstation 3 for some time now. I've already bought a controller and some game called "DragonForce," which I hear is pretty great in battle mode. My neighbor Keith has promised to let me borrow his blue ray Jenna Jameson porn so I can watch some on the DVD player. Maybe in a few months!

Let's Replenish the Dilithium Crystals of the EADJ Mail Sack!

For this very special sci-fi edition of the EADJ Mail Sack, Pat Ng submits this sad news story:

Star Trek: The Experience Closing in Las Vegas

Also, Tom W has submitted this:

Should I STA or should I go

Pictured above, a photo from a few months ago of a business which finally gives Hobbit Travel a run for its money for Worst-Named Travel Agency.

Let's interview the owners today to see what were they THINKING? hahahaha



...Oh.

Apologies Are In Order

*** An official apology to Joel, from the Chamber of Commerce of Jefferson City, Missouri***

On behalf of the Chamber of Commerce and the good citizens of Jefferson City, Missouri, I would like to extend an official apology to Joel Thomas for the inconvenience and embarrassment that we had caused him last week.

1. We had no idea that naming our shrewmole "Joel" would be offensive to you.

2. We didn't realize that the accommodations for your stay in Jefferson City were unsatisfactory; we thought the canvas cot and bowl-to-piss-in at the Colony Inn were sufficient for your needs.

3. Our presenter Randy Galley, is a local favorite and a "hoot." We apologize if any remarks he made during his introduction of you caused offense. For example, when he said that Japanese samurais were "chinks in armor," we hope you didn't have any Japanese or chink heritage. "Cause that would be awkward.

4. We thought sending you to Angelina's Café on Boonville Road would be a good way to soak up the local color. We didn't realize you were on a strict dietary regimen of "dick, ranch sauce, dick, and Goobers." We are sorry that Angelina's Cafe only had Goobers for you.

Please accept this notarized document and a coupon good for $5 off any regular size Pizza at Pizza Hut (none in Jefferson City, sorry sorry sorry) as our official apology. We hope you could maybe find time in your busy schedule next year to have another dick-eating exhibition at the Jefferson City Town Fair.

Irma Thadeus
President & Vice President of Chamber of Commerce
Jefferson City, Missouri

(pictured above, Mister Lazybones doesn't take the extra effort this morning to look for his yellow sneakers with the black grid pattern. I mean, why even bother sometimes?)