"Why Aren't People Watching Network TV Anymore?"

I dunno. Maybe because they don't want to see the 5th reboot of a show they watched 30 years ago?

Let's Replenish the Dilithium Crystals of the EADJ Mail Sack!

For this very special sci-fi edition of the EADJ Mail Sack, Pat Ng submits this sad news story:

Star Trek: The Experience Closing in Las Vegas

Also, Tom W has submitted this:

So Many Questions.

1) Does my Dad read any of his caps before leaving the house?

2) If he does, is Dad a fan of Hootie & The Blowfish?

3) Which does he like better, "Let Her Cry" or "I Only Wanna Be With You?"

4) Did Hootie & The Blowfish really come out 10 years ago?

5) Hootie & The Blowfish are still together?

6) Where in the hell were they giving out free Hootie & The Blowfish schwag?

7) Or more disturbingly, where did Dad buy Hootie & The Blowfish merch?

8) If my Dad had met Darius Rucker, did he call him Darius or Hootie?

9) If Darius Rucker had met my Dad, did he call him "Cesar" or "Dr. Estoye," or "dude?"

10) Is that a hockey stick?

11) Did my Dad get carded at the entrance to the 9:30 Club in downtown D.C.?



***UPDATE*** After a quick Google search, a special Hootie and the Blowfish 10th Anniversary event was found here. My Dad has mentioned volunteering for golf outings before, and he does indeed frequent Myrtle Beach.

Mystery solved!

(So that's not a hockey stick.)

A Few More Theories

• It is Lil' Marshall, one of three lovable new characters on the new cartoon series BABY C-KERS! Watch Lil' Karen and "SweePea" Krivkovich get all pitchcrazy with Lil' Dean, Teenage Phil May and "Spider-Boy" in tow! Special appearances by Lil' Kat McGrath, The CKPR clubhouse gang, and the infant Joe Nudelman (don't laugh)!

• "marshall ross was recently in NY for an ad club ceremony. marshall ross has joined hairclub for men, and will now be seen in their commercials swimming with his shirt off. he also bought a coonskin cap, but the hair growth and the cap counteract each other to the point where no one knows where one ends and the other begins." -from Andrew Gall

• It is actually a trompe l'oeil, or "trick of the eye" due to solar flares, pollution haze and a hanging coonskin cap.

• Computers?

Don't Look Now, But...

What the? How did this happen? Some possible theories:

Marshall at age 29 creates a time machine and travels 30 years into the future, so he can finally dine at the 5th Avenue Diner in Brooklyn.

Marshall was so smitten by Jeanette's handling of RFP's at Cramer-Krasselt that he is stalking her, trying to woo her back to his agency. Also, he donned a Davy Crockett coonskin cap.

Ever see Sam Shepard's "Fool For Love" with Harry Dean Stanton as a bigamist who has another wife in another town? Like that, but with a coonskin cap.

Marshall, a big swinger in the seventies, slept with Marsha Touhy while visiting New York. Marsha Touhy decided to keep the baby and raise him to be everything his hippie father was not: a more upstanding, more responsible human being. Also, she buys him a coonskin cap.

That's probably some young guy who resembles Marshall a lot but doesn't have any real connection to him in any way. But what fun is that.

Scientists in Finland have successfully cloned a Marshall Ross. They have uploaded the new clone with the latest fighting techniques, a chip in the brain that stores terabytes of defense secrets, a coonskin cap, and a bionic leg that can kick a hole in a trash can. But they have not taught the clone how to love...Clone of Love, starring Sandra Bullock and Jeremy Piven as Marshall.


Do you have any theories?