25 Days of Hallmark Movies, Day 20: "A Gingerbread Romance"

Quality control. I guess when you crank out 50+ Christmas movies a year, they can't all be winners. In fact, an unfortunate few can fall so far between the cracks that you wind up with a frosted turd like  "A Gingerbread Romance." A ridiculous premise that plods through the rom-com paces with actors who not only reluctantly draw the paycheck but actually look like they don't even like each other. Remember how I said "Christmas On Honeysuckle Lane" was brutal? I take it back now.

Romance Factor: 2 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 4 out of 10

Overall Rating: 3 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 01:22:21

Nobody Owns Life, But Anyone Who Can Pick Up A Pathmark Owns Death

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of June 12

Twitter is just a big, dumb electronic megaphone that any moron can use. But even they have standards. The following are hashtags so unpopular, that maybe a bottom-feeding cockhole like yourself could use them. Go nuts:

#respecttheinjuns

#KraftSinglespasties

#poppinfresh'spenis

#TJMillercomiclegend

#gagmewithahobodick

#ConnectTwofordumbkids

#iscalpedtwoticketstoparadise

#ispankedthemonkeyandthenhebitoffmyface

#doingtheyougotsomethingonyourshirttricktosomeonewhojustlosttheirhealthcare

The ProofrEADJer: Pre Black Friday Edition

From The New Jersey Department of Children and Families

UAG

What The "Plus" Means Whenever You See It

 

Unleaded Plus

"Plus" =  about .20 more just to feel like you're not poor

  

Batteries Plus

"Plus" = battery carriers? battery cases?

The real question is how the hell is this place still in business? Does anyone ever go to a store only for batteries? You can buy those shits at any convenience store, gas station, drug store... shit, I've got some batteries in my pocket right now. How many do you want?

 

Self Storage Plus

"Plus" = discreetly looking the other way when you haul in a bloody rolled up rug into your storage unit at 4:30 in the morning

 

A Plus

"Plus" = a shitter that doesn't flush with no toilet paper, so you're forced to wipe your ass with those blue paper towels you're supposed to use for windshields

 

Ice Crystals Plus

"Plus" = unmeltable pellets that stay in your driveway cracks until the end of time 

 

Spectrum Plus

"Plus" =   surprisingly, guacamole. Yum!