Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Here are the shows and films being added to Netflix this month:

• The Big Bad Wolfgang Puck

• The Gerunding

• Stranger Things rebooted with infants

• How A Bill Doesn't Become A Law Anymore

• Killing New Friends At School

Netflix will be removing the following shows and films from their streaming service:

• Love, Ackshually

• 12 Angry Men Who Couldn't Get Out of Jury Duty

• James Cordoned Off

• KC Masterpiece Theatre

• The Teri Hatch-elorette

Yard Waste Bin Was Happy

Yard Waste Bin was happy about something.

Microwave was unhappy about it.

Diaper Bins At Babies Я Us were unenthused about it.

Shopping carts were dispassionate about it.

Airplane Tray Table Latch liked it for evil reasons.

Dunkin Donuts Sign Base was appalled, however.

Wall Bracket was shocked.

Hot Dog Vendor Cooler was okay with it.

Diaper Genie Box was outraged. Outraged!

Building thought it was a big deal, too.

Parking Lot markings didn't give a shit.

Neither did Left Flip Flop.

Burger King Window Cling was all 'bleghhhh' about it.

Water Fountain smugly kept his opinion to himself.

Soda Bottle Crate was dismayed.

Luxury Toilet Paper Fixtures was angry about it.

Parking Meter thought it all was pretty cool.

Spotted In Irvington, NJ

A totally legit-looking proposition.

Lifetime Nora Roberts Movie 4: Tribute

What I Thought The Movie Was About Based On the Poster: Woody Harrelson and Brittany Murphy are newlyweds who are suckered into buying a house that is literally FALLING APART! Despite their best efforts, hilarious hi-jinx involving ladders, paint buckets, and a rascally St. Bernard ensue. Special guest appearance by Christopher Walken as a bag lady. Rated G.

What The Movie Was Really About: Brittany Murphy is the granddaughter of a famous actress who allegedly committed suicide. She comes to her grandmother's dilapidated home to fix it up and "flip" it. Jason Lewis plays her comic book artist neighbor who is somehow interested in her. Through a series of dream sequences, Brittany's grandmother reveals that she was in fact murdered! Then they catch the killer and holy shit I'm glad this is the last one.

What I Wish The Movie Was Really About: Mark Hamill plays a young farm boy named Luke Skywalker who finds two droids that have escaped from the clutches of Darth Vader and say they need to find an "Obi Wan Kenobi." They deliver a message from Princess Leia to him, along with schematic plans of a planet-sized battle station called the Death Star which Leia asks them to deliver to her home planet Alderaan. The group hire a cocky pilot named Han Solo and his Wookiee first mate Chewbacca to take them there. Instead, they find the planet destroyed and get captured by the Death Star. They avoid capture and eventually free Princess Leia. But Obi Wan confronts Darth Vader in order to assure their escape. Obi Wan is struck down, and the group escapes on Solo's ship, the Millennium Falcon. All of them (except Han Solo) join the Rebel Alliance. The rebels study the Death Star plans and find a weakness in its defenses. They plan their attack just as the Death Star discovers where their base is. They blow up the Death Star (with some last minute help from Han Solo!) and are awarded shiny medals at a fancy ceremony.

Nora Roberts Excellence: Yes, once again the handsome male lead fawns over the female lead although she isn't having it, and quite frankly this time is pretty nasty to him. Brittany Murphy (who I hear is crazy) pouts, mugs and overacts throughout this production. And the guy is so wooden you could mount a backboard on him and shoot a few hoops. AGAIN, this is a terribly weak 'love story' and is more about the murder mystery, peppered with some annoying dream sequences of the grandmother's fabulous dinner parties.

----------Celebrity Damage Index----------

Woody Harrelson: -10 pts for just looking like he's in the poster.

Jason Lewis: +60 pts. My wife tells me he was on Sex and the City. So I'm assuming this is a big step up for him. Go get 'em, champ!

Brittany Murphy: -80 pts. Not that her star fell that far or anything. The amount is punitive. Plus I hear she's crazy.





Overall rating: F

State of My Mangina: "Slack but Relieved"

Who Are We Advertising To?

In advertising, there are people whose job it is to define a target audience– to figure out exactly to whom one is selling. These people are called ACCOUNT PLANNERS. The good planners are often named Phil Flickinger, but there are others I've come across who do little more than throw together a perfunctory "mood board" with some glitter glue and shuffle around some important sounding words to pass off as work. This, of course, does not apply to my current job, where the planners are not doing that. Just want to clear that up to anyone who thinks that's the case. Because that would be stupid of me to do on a public blog. Ham sandwich.

Here are examples of some "demographics" that BAD planners invent to make it look like they did their job:

"Food Enthusiasts"- These go-get-'em achievers are successful, forward-thinking, and most of all, EAT FOOD! Whether it's breakfast in the morning, lunch around noon, or dinner in the evening, these "Food Enthusiasts" are always game for some "chow!" Some "F.E.'s" even enjoy eating in groups, which makes them very social! Ages 24-36. Income $20K-$789K

"Car Riders"- Ever meet someone who didn't like to walk 100 miles? Chances are they're "Car Riders," an emerging new demographic that really tends to stay inside an automobile when it's in motion. These upwardly mobile goal-oriented passengers are really gung-ho about being in a vehicle that's taking them somewhere! 50% male, 50% female. Income $2K-$3M

"Anti-Murderees"- Today's hectic society has created a new group who has proactively kept up with today's more dangerous times. This contemporary new social subdivision tends to REBEL against the idea of getting killed! Way to go, Anti-Murderees! You have taken a stand AGAINST being stabbed, shot, strangled, pushed out a window, crushed by boulders, shocked in the bathtub, poisoned by mercury, vaporized by atom bomb, and thrown to hungry Rottweilers! Keep up the good work! We salute you in your fight against becoming corpses! Income 4¢-$699 Trillion.

"Maracanalists" Young, hip, and ready to go at a moment's notice, this active group of fun-loving rebels buck the system and shoot for the stars by shoving the handle of Mexican maracas up their ass. Rejecting the traditional use of maracas as musical instruments or their buttholes as buttholes, they have "lifehacked" their environment to achieve their own ends, LITERALLY! Restricted to one guy on 163rd Street in the Bronx. Income, none.

(pictured above, a typical "Mood Board")