EADJ: Smecial Dreams Entry

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Swaddle A Baby

1) Fold the swaddle into a diamond shape, and place baby on back in the center with shoulders just below the fold.

2) Place baby's right arm alongside the body, slightly bent. Take the same side of the swaddle and pull it securely across baby’s arm and chest, tucking the fabric under the baby. Leave the left arm free.

3) Fold the bottom of the swaddle up and over baby's feet. Tuck the point of the fabric into the top of the swaddle.

4) Place baby's left arm alongside the body, slightly bent. Take the remaining swaddle, and wrap it over baby’s arm and chest, tucking the fabric under baby to secure the swaddle.

And speaking of wraps, there's this really terrific Mediterranean wrap place near my company's garage. And if you mention my name, the owner Jon will hook you up with free chips. No joke!

Be safe kids!

Whenever A Door Closes...

I happened by 41st Street yesterday and noticed that The Old Bridge Deli is no more. In its place is "Everyday Gourmet Deli." Crappy name. Under new management, I guess.


The first question I had was answered immediately with a sign out front:


FUCK YES. I guess we'll be trying out an old favorite in the new joint! No word yet on if they still have the random, vandalizable fountain upstairs. Stay tuned on whether we'll move Project Fountain to phase 3.

The Worst of All Possible Outcomes

Spotted today at the front entrance of the Old Bridge Deli, the beloved Rolly Wrap machine is slated for removal.



Here to commemorate the passing of a beloved foodstuff, a poem by e. e. cummings, slightly altered for this entry:

i carry your rolly wrap with me


i carry your rolly wrap with me(i carry it in
my stomach)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no bread(for you are my bread,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever that guy with the mustache and dirty apron has always meant
and whatever an oven will always bake is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the menu that offers roni, cheesy, super, munch roll, or veggi

i carry your rolly wrap(i carry it in my stomach)


e. e. cummings

Larry K Offers An Explanation Of Why The Old Bridge Deli Is Closed

Larry K writes: My sources tell me it's a conspiracy set in motion by the heads of the Five Families of Food in this neighborhood:

Pierre "Le Petite Fromage" Pretamanger, head of the European cartel.


Anthony "Split Pea" Tortolini, who fences counterfeit paninis through Café Metro.


Sophie "The Beef Steak" Empanada, the Brazilian heiress.


Johnny "Stinky Taint" Bistro, known burrito smuggler.


Don Francisco “Week Old Sushi” Delmonico


Apparently, when the owners of Old Bridge refused to cut them in on their incredibly profitable Rolly Wrap business, the families decided they needed to go. Rumor has it they enlisted local muscle from “The Spanish Omelet Gang,” employees of The Café O Brothers.

Of course, this is just what I heard. Could be they’re just deadbeats.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The One Where I Introduce The Wife To A Rolly Wrap

Recently J'Net had been talking about trying someplace new for lunch, having maxed out on Delmonico and Pret A Manger (shudder). So I mentioned the excellent Rolly Wraps that they serve at Old Bridge Deli. After describing how they are made, J'Net matter-of-factly said, "Oh, so they're panzerottis." I didn't know what the hell a panzerotti was but assured her it wasn't that. It was its own beautiful new thing.


So yesterday, Tom & I met her for lunch, where she ordered a Rolly Wrap. Again, Tom did not order one. And I opted for a salad. J'Net was automatically impressed by how you could pick the ingredients or go off the menu. She reluctantly ordered a "Philly," knowing full well it wasn't going to capture the essence of a real philly cheesesteak (hardly anything in New York does).

Once the guy started tucking the dough around the ingredients, J'Net automatically said that it was definitely not a panzerotti.


A few bites into the Rolly Wrap, and J'Net was sold. When asked to describe the Rolly Wrap in three words, she said, "liquidy, warm, and perfect amount of bread."


The Rolly Wrap continues its slow dominance of Manhattan, New York, and the United States.

Two More Rolly Wrap Converts

Wednesday was the initiation of both Lorraine and Beth into the Club of People Who Have Eaten the Rolly Wrap (current known members– about 4). The Rolly Wrap lunch was arranged after one girl's interest was piqued after reading the EADJ blog entry and the other one needed to get her mind off her crippling, relentless addiction to painkillers and black tar heroin.


Amazingly, Beth admitted to never having eaten at Old Bridge Deli in the year or so that she worked next door. Lorraine was amazed and enchanted at the upstairs dining area, which seriously features two zen fountains and two fully-equipped conference rooms (?!?!?!). Shit, I forgot to take a photo of those. Next time.

Here are Beth and Lorraine's reviews of their respective Rolly Wrap experiences:


Beth:

Despite the confusion over the appropriate pronunciation of "Rolly"(like the NC capital or rhymes with "poley"?), the result of my experience is clear: Rolly Wraps are soft, satisfying, satiating, and savory. Their turd-like appearance belies the gooey goodness within. I would recommend this doughy delight to friends and family. On the sprinach/squasage satisfaction scale, I'd give it two thrumbs up.


Lorraine:

The Rolly Wrap held true to its name, like a mini stromboli made personally for me. It was steaming hot, cheesy deliciousness that really hit the spot. Although I do think there could be a broader selection (such as a chicken cheesesteak Rolly Wrap), the hand held meal was a tasty mid-week treat. The only other thing that could have enhanced the experience would have been to book a conference room in advance to the right of the Zen garden for a more personal experience. One and a half thumbs up.

Love,
Lorraine

Their glowing write-ups, however, would stand for only a short time. About an hour after lunch, Beth sent this via IM:

---------

And on a follow up note, my stomach is now making noises that sound a lot like cookie monster slowly enunciating "rooooooollllllyyyyyy"

my stomach is acting adversely.
it's rejecting the rolly.
it's alternating nosies of "awwwooooogggaaaa" and "weeeeeee"

the problem is my nose is really stuffy
so i want to blow my noise
but i'm afraid that will set off a chain reaction of other things

---------

Beth would later report some difficulty in the ladies' room, describing the ordeal as "like pushing a potato through a kazoo*."

No complaints about gastric events were heard from Lorraine. Maybe because she was already lost in the intoxicating world of painkillers and black tar heroin.


*Her words, not mine.**

**Not really.

RELATED NOTE: Some crap blog named Midtown Lunch has published their own review of Rolly Wraps here. You'll see that it was dated 9/10/08, whereas EADJ's first posting of this delicacy was on August 20. Scoop scooped, motherfuckers!

ANOTHER RELATED NOTE: As promised, here is the exchange I had on Sept 25 with that random girl in line over how mesmerizing the Rolly Wrap making process was.



I didn't mean to creepily point the camera at her toes. Just wanted to record audio.

Andrew Eats A Rolly Wrap

Editor's Note: Two weeks ago, Andrew in Seattle read the now-famous Rolly Wrap write-up and requested one of his own. Last week, EADJ sent him one via FedEx. He ate it over the weekend, and here are his words and photos:

The plan to consume my day-plus old Rolly Wrap was a well-executed strategy. As I returned from a shopping trip with my fiance Saturday afternoon, I found myself weak with hunger. It was the perfect time. I opened the Fed Ex to find my Munch Boli wrap in decent shape, considering the cross-country journey. I popped the wrap in the microwave for :45, sat down, opened a bag of Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips as a supplement, and went to work.







In short, the Munch Boli was great. I ate every bite in less than 10 minutes, all told. The peppers kept it flavorful, and the meat inside didn't seem harmed from the long journey. The marinara sauce was also excellent.

I found myself satiated and quite happy for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. I didn't throw up, shart, or cramp. And when none of those things happen, I can confidently deem my meal a rousing success. Thanks, Munch Boli. My curiosity is piqued and my stomach, satisfied. -Andrew

EDITOR'S FOLLOW-UP: For eating meat that had been unrefrigerated for over 24 hours, Andrew receives the very first EADJ Smecial Polonium Mollusk Award as indicated at the bottom of this blog. Also, bonus points for rocking a Transformers t-shirt.

Rolly Wrap Update

IT'S GOOD!


We expect a full write-up with photos for Monday, Andrew. Godspeed.

The First Ever Cross-Country Rolly Wrap!

After last week's entry on the Old Bridge Rolly Wrap, West Coast reader Andrew requested one. So it is with great pride that we are sending the first ever cross-country Rolly Wrap to Seattle! A lot of preparation, hidden camera work, and expense was put into this project, so Andrew better fucking like it.



Andrew had requested a "Munch Boil" Rolly Wrap, which consists of peppers, sausage, and mozzarella cheese. A closer examination of the menu, however, shows that it is actually a Munch BOLI wrap. Makes so much more sense now.





It was weird today. People were seriously fascinated by the process of making a Rolly Wrap and watched every step. I asked the girl next to me in line, "Ever see anything like that?" and she responded, "Amazing." I shit you not.


It must be noted that the fresh-out-of-the-oven Rolly Wrap smelled GREAT in the FedEx office. I moved quickly with my back to the cashier to hide that fact that I was shipping a goddamned lunch.


The Rolly Wrap has been shipped via Standard Overnight, so Andrew should get the Rolly Wrap when he gets home tomorrow. We will see how crisp and tasty a Rolly Wrap is after sitting unheated for 29 hours. Mmmmmmm-mmm!


You can also track the Rolly Wrap by clicking here.

The Day Arrives.

Last week, EADJ finally went to Old Bridge Deli to experience a Rolly Wrap firsthand. What we saw transcended all expectations and prognostications. How Larry K managed to keep quiet about this fantastic food and its fascinating baking process, we'll never know.




And now, for the very first time anywhere, EADJ is proud to present The Old Bridge Deli's secret process for making a Rolly Wrap!


And five minutes later:


The taste of a Rolly Wrap is hard to describe. It's crispy like the bread of a Quizno's sub, since the dough is thin, but once you bite into it, the ingredients are very calzone or pizza-like. The overall effect is one of cognitive dissonance but utter orgiastic pleasure. It is of this writer's opinion that Old Bridge Deli shouldn't HAVE to pay taxes. This shit is untaxably awesome.

Unmitigated Failure

I spotted this earlier today. Fancy that.

RELATED UPDATE: In a creative meeting, I stood between Brynn & Larry K. I congratulated Brynn for winning and she said, "Thanks." Then the CD overheard and asked, "What'd you win?" And Brynn and Larry K muttered, "Rolly Wrap." HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Judgment Day.

Larry K judged the Rolly Wrap contest at 4pm yesterday. He evaluated the entries not just on accuracy as was originally planned but on artistic merit and overall presentation.


Entry 1 by Joanne
"Close," Larry commented, "Everyone assumes that spiral." But the process of making a Rolly Wrap, Larry says, involves a little more.



Entry 2 by Brynn
Entry 2 was also close on accuracy but Larry pointed out that a Rolly Wrap is "not open on the ends." He described the bread as not starting out as a wrap, but like pizza dough that they pinch off at the ends ("like a toffee") and then bake, so that it's entirely enclosed. Still, this entry had the "best accuracy for how they make it."


Entry 3 by Tom
"Tortured." Larry K noted how the artist's anger towards a client had the Verizon Test Man inside the wrap, which was one thing, but the toothpick was "gratuitously violent."



Entry 4 by Mike Gambino
"A little ostentatious." Larry likened this entry to a kid he knew in school who could draw a little too well, being courted at 16 to draw Marvel Comics after graduation. He did, however, like the aesthetic choice to go retro with the roller skate instead of a rollerblade.

Entry 5 by Kat
This one surprised Larry. He actually thought this was from a writer because of its crudeness and being the most "3-year old."

Entry 6 by Bowen
"Avant Garde. But just feels so incredibly wrong."
Larry commends the artist for going different ("I appreciate Warholian anarchy") but he couldn't get behind it.

So overall, Larry called the entire contest "an unmitigated failure across the board," but forced to decide, he went with entry #2 for being "closest to how it's actually made." So congratulations, Brynn, come claim your free Rolly Wrap gift bag whenever.