EADJ Christmas Gift Guide: Purchasing The Right Katy Perry Perfume For Your Dog

Does your dog eat lots of table scraps with meat, causing him to emit long, wet farts that stay in your curtains for weeks? Katy Perry recommends her Killer Queen scent, an empowering and regal fragrance that hides dog farts with nobility and imperial magnificence!

Katy Perry Royal Revolution literally overthrows her previous release Killer Queen off the throne, forcing the queen to bow and beheads her in front of a bloodthirsty crowd of peasants. It's also a great scent for covering up the ammonia stains your Welsh Corgis will leave all over the velvet pillows when they watch their momma get guillotined.

Did your dachshund vomit all those Fig Newtons after you left the package open on the couch? Fear not, idiot. Katy Perry's Mad Potion will cleverly make that puke stain smell like dark magic- with a hint of musk and something we call "Katy taint," your couch will smell (but not look) like new!

Let's Store Vegetables in the EADJ Mail Sack To Keep Their Freshness Longer!

Submitted by Kat, a puzzling CAPTCHA she got while buying tickets:

That's One Tough Wrap.

Mental note: never buy Saran Wrap from a Dollar Store again.

Judgment Day.

Larry K judged the Rolly Wrap contest at 4pm yesterday. He evaluated the entries not just on accuracy as was originally planned but on artistic merit and overall presentation.


Entry 1 by Joanne
"Close," Larry commented, "Everyone assumes that spiral." But the process of making a Rolly Wrap, Larry says, involves a little more.



Entry 2 by Brynn
Entry 2 was also close on accuracy but Larry pointed out that a Rolly Wrap is "not open on the ends." He described the bread as not starting out as a wrap, but like pizza dough that they pinch off at the ends ("like a toffee") and then bake, so that it's entirely enclosed. Still, this entry had the "best accuracy for how they make it."


Entry 3 by Tom
"Tortured." Larry K noted how the artist's anger towards a client had the Verizon Test Man inside the wrap, which was one thing, but the toothpick was "gratuitously violent."



Entry 4 by Mike Gambino
"A little ostentatious." Larry likened this entry to a kid he knew in school who could draw a little too well, being courted at 16 to draw Marvel Comics after graduation. He did, however, like the aesthetic choice to go retro with the roller skate instead of a rollerblade.

Entry 5 by Kat
This one surprised Larry. He actually thought this was from a writer because of its crudeness and being the most "3-year old."

Entry 6 by Bowen
"Avant Garde. But just feels so incredibly wrong."
Larry commends the artist for going different ("I appreciate Warholian anarchy") but he couldn't get behind it.

So overall, Larry called the entire contest "an unmitigated failure across the board," but forced to decide, he went with entry #2 for being "closest to how it's actually made." So congratulations, Brynn, come claim your free Rolly Wrap gift bag whenever.