More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

"So why do they call you Armstrong? Is it because of the arm?"

"Oh, hump me like a dachshund, Reginald!"

"Stop! Hitting! Me! I'm! The! Mascot! Idiot!"

"Sorry, but the Coke machine is broken again. But I can sell you a few warm cans of Coke that we have stashed behind the desk. Tell you what- instead of 75¢ each, I'll sell you them for a quarter each for your trouble. Sound good? Great. NOW DIE!!! MUHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA"

"This again? We're naked and stranded?"

"Yep. (yawn)"

"Wow, you're still alive in 2017?"

"I know, right?"

"Do you think anyone will wander into this thinking it's another Avengers movie?"

"Wait, this isn't one? Oh. That explains the piddly paycheck."

EADJ Magazine Feature: ASIS

If you ride the New York subway regularly, you'll often find a tiny magazine/bodega on the actual platforms. These vendors carry magazine titles that you won't see at your local Borders- often there's a black woman with a gigantic ass on the cover of these periodicals. It was here that I bought a copy of ASIS.


ASIS. The magazine for hustlas, bangers, playas, and ballers who need something to read while waiting at the orthodontist's office.


ASIS boasts articles like "Most Expensive Cars," "Expungement 101," "Domestic Violence: When She Lies," and "How To Bake Vegan Cupcakes In Only 45 Minutes."


One prominent article involved self-defense and domestic abuse, offering helpful ways to avoid getting arrested when your lying bitch of a wife claims you whaled on her when you totally didn't.



Other "how to" articles ranged from the practical to the highly-aspirational:


Oh yeah. There's also booty.



Throw in a rambling interview with wrongly-convicted inmate Darryl "Reese" Johnson with a history of drug dealing and murder attempts, and you've got yourself Issue 13 of ASIS on the newsstands!

Racist Appliances

I got a flyer in the mail from my local power company last week. One page in it struck me:


Those appliances didn't look too happy to have minority guests over. So RACIST APPLIANCES was born:







Racist appliances!

Unmitigated Failure

I spotted this earlier today. Fancy that.

RELATED UPDATE: In a creative meeting, I stood between Brynn & Larry K. I congratulated Brynn for winning and she said, "Thanks." Then the CD overheard and asked, "What'd you win?" And Brynn and Larry K muttered, "Rolly Wrap." HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA