Subliminal Oppression?

Pictured below, an onscreen Sprite ad (OBEY YOUR THIRST) on the Burger King soda dispenser briefly reminded me of "They Live":

UAG

Spotted On Recent Episodes of "Beavis and Butt-Head"

Either Mike Judge has found religion or is pulling our leg. I suspect the latter.

 

Let's Store Our Unmended Socks In The EADJ Mail Sack!

 Submitted by Emily Kane:

"Pulls your look together" is my personal favorite.

Now On Blu-Ray

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Another Fiverr Delivery/ Lazy EADJ Post!

I threw 5 bucks at this Fiverr writer cjerabek who promised to write a blog entry "from a Colorado cabin". And just this morning she sent her completed entry. Here it is in its entirety:

I live in a small mountain village in Colorado, just a hop, skip, and a jump from Telluride.

If you are thinking about moving to a small town, here are some things to consider beforehand:

You know you live in a small town when people at the post office know your business before you do. If you forget how you voted or what you did at the party last week, just ask...they’ll tell you.  Heck, they’ve already told half the town anyway.

When your community has a population of less than 500 people, like mine does, you’ll learn a lot about the word “the”.  You have “the Post Master”, “the grocery store manager”, “the black guy”, and “the thug”.  There are places to go too, like “the diner”, “the store”, and “the gas station”.  The word “the” drives home the point that a small town is lucky just to have one of anything.

At the vet, you are known by your pet such as “the guy with the German Shephard” or “the crazy lady with the cats”.  At the Post Office, they know you by your post office box number.  By the way, in small rural towns, there is no mail delivery so everyone has a mail box at the Post Office.

In a small town, the Post Office is like the watercooler at the office.  That’s where you find out who died, who’s sleeping with who, and everything else you never wanted to know.  Since there’s nothing else to do, you listen to all the town gossip and add to it as well.

There’s nothing much to do in a small town except cruise up and down the one mile of Main Street.  Going out on the town takes a total of nine minutes.  

You’ve probably heard small town jokes like “This place is so small, you have to go out of town to change your mind.” Or, “This town is so small, the city limits signs are both on the same posts”.  The problem with small town jokes, though, is that...they are all true!

If you are thinking about moving to a small town, you might want to think twice.  But, if you don’t mind the phone book being just one page or McDonald’s having just one arch, a small town might be just the place for you.


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And that's it. Five bucks for what looks like a boilerplate entry about living in a small town. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's not like she would've written about the new Spider-Man Playstation 4 game from a cabin. Or about dicks or Joel eating dicks. Okay, fine. Delivered exactly as advertised.

Bye bye, five dollars!

Car Door Was Happy

Car Door was happy.

But Tire Inflater Cord was ecstatic.

Oogie Boogie from "Nightmare Before Christmas" was shocked into silence.

Bath Towel gave the crazy eye.

Door Jr. and Door Sr. kept out of it.

Headphones Dog sat in a corner.

And Playground Climbing Wall did its best presidential impression.

6 Lies Told By The Hornblower Jazzy Champagne Brunch Cruise Brochure

1) There is no mention of the below-decks orgy that occurs halfway through brunch.

2) "Contact us for deals & specials." They neglected to share the password for the below-decks orgy, which is "Land ho!" Seriously, it's a proper no-holds-barred, go-for-the-gusto orgy with plenty of penetration, spouse-swapping, and stretched-to-the-limit latex.

3) "Glorious views" indeed. Staring into a stranger's gaping 50-year-old vagina after a couple of mimosas is pretty darn glorious.

4) "There's no better way to brunch." ;)

5) That ain't chocolate.

6) "Photo opportunities with New York's most iconic landmarks." In actuality, there are NO CAMERAS OR PHONES ALLOWED in the below-decks orgy for privacy and security reasons. Anyone caught taking a selfie while some rando Lithuanian is balls deep in you will be severely reprimanded and asked to leave.

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EADJ and the American Society of Six Lies Told are thrilled to announce the Six Lies Told fragrance, bottled and distributed by Lamå Rousse perfumery. The fragrance itself is an oriental musk, with hints of white florals and iced coffee. Starting out with top notes of whipped crème coffee, clementine and nectarine, the scent’s mid notes are made up of dulce de leche, orange flower and jasmine sambac. Rounding the fragrance out are the richer base notes of luminous amber and sensual musk.

The Six Lies Told fragrance will sell for $1500 for an 8 oz. bottle.

A List of Shows That Will Be Taken Down From Netflix In October

Netflix has announced the latest round of movies and TV shows that will no longer be available at the end of September because of contract disputes or trade embargoes or whatever. Here's what to watch on Netflix before you're forced to switch over to Hulu (what a friggin' hassle, right?):

Movies
Tyler Perry's SMH
Steampunk Gardener
The Bourne Conjugation
Tweakier
The Reanimated Undead Zombie Groupon Riot
Uber Romances (Rom. Comedy)
2 Actresses Whose Name You Forget Pretend To Be Cops In a Tiresome Comedy
"Minority Report, The Series," The Motion Picture
Aunt Margaret's Candy Dish (Horror)
Tough Titty
Craft Service Tables That John Travolta Has Enjoyed (Documentary Series)
Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot AGAIN
Gooby II

TV Shows
The Lance Bass Experiment, Seasons 1-3
Adult Swim's Fuckerfuck & The Pine Cone Cockcunts
Shark Tank, Season 2, 5, 6, and 8
Ken Burns Documentary Series: The Origin of "Yo Mamma" Jokes
America's Got Type 2 Diabetes
Rarities Series: Carol Burnett Skits Where Tim Conway Didn't Crack Up
Uber Romances, The Series
Prison Game show: Shank My Prag
Playboy's Sexiest Notary Publics In Ohio
Ignoring The Kardashians
Mama Weer All Crazy Now, The Musical Series
Asperger's + Hidden Cameras
Blackjak, The Black Kojak

Ten Tough Questions For You

1) What are you doing at McDonald's?

2) Of all the things you could order at McDonald's why would you order a Filet-O-Fish®?

3) If you were somehow forced into ordering a Filet-O-Fish®, why in God's name would you want two of them?

4) Now that you have two Filet-O-Fishes®, are you going to actually sit there in public and eat both of those nasty fucking things?

5) Does all that tartar sauce make you feel like a porn star?

6) Did you ever notice that there is fucking CHEESE in those things? Great Shit.

7, 8) How do you feel after downing two Filet-O-Fish® sandwiches although you only paid for one? Do you feel like you got away with something, or do you feel like you're being punished for something?

9) On the back of your new receipt, is there yet another coupon for a free Filet-O-Fish® with a purchase of a Filet-O-Fish®?

10) Do you have $2?

The Bulletin Board At The Midtown Five Guys Burger Place Is Interesting

Pictured below, the TSA reminds passengers to remove their nasty, scabby frontier bearhide coat before going through security.



I like whoever's holding the coat is doing so like he doesn't want ticks.