Eat A Dick Joel would like to wish you and whoever you're shacking up with a happy, healthy, and hearty Thanksgiving. Except you Trump supporters. Fuck all y'all.
Showing posts with label turkey jerky. Show all posts
Showing posts with label turkey jerky. Show all posts
Thursday, November 23, 2017
Friday, June 5, 2015
Monday, March 31, 2014
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Today's Daily Sponsor Of The Day
Today's Daily Sponsor Of The Day is Turkey Perky Jerky.
Are you sick of regular jerky that leaves you blah, without any pick-me-ups or power-ups? Does you jerky just sit there and not give you a kick in the pants, like you deserve, you lazy dog? Well, stop looking, because now there's Perky Jerky! It'll perk you right the fuck up!™
Now, what makes Perky Jerky so perky? Does it contain caffeine, giving you that extra edge you need during your day? No. Then why did you call it Perky Jerky, then, asshole? Because it's a snappy name, cocksucker. But why didn't you leave that name for a jerky with caffeine to use, dipshit? Well, you shitbird, we as a company have a right to use that name, because we thought of it first.
Does Perky Jerky come in any other flavors besides turkey? Yes, but what fun would that be? We do happen to offer Beef Perky Jerky, but that is not fun to say at all.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Salivary Disturbing.
Over the years, I've noticed some people have a "wet mouth," meaning they always look like their lips are red and shiny. It gives me the impression that they've just finished a giant red popsicle.
A short list of celebrities who have a "Wet Mouth:"
•Macaulay Culkin
• that ginger kid from "Harry Potter"
• ESPN Fantasy Sports analyst Matthew Berry
• Gene Simmons (even when not doing the tongue thing)
• Jim Bakker
• every actress who played that blonde girl in "Atonement"
• both "Coreys"
• Kirk Cameron
• Jean Claude Van Damme
• Ewan McGregor
• Beck
• Juliette Lewis
Do you know any other wetmouths?
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