Synopses For Upcoming Episodes of Netflix's "Charlie's Colorforms City"

"Alliances"

The City Council forces Charlie out of the Main Square Planning Committee when they discover his connection with the hired contractors. He plans his revenge. Casey and Darla find boxes of discarded ballots, a week after the mayoral election.

"ad Astra per Aspera"

The assassination of a state senator causes a citywide lockdown. Charlie and his black tar heroin supplier need to find an escape before the police discover their stash. The local school's Color Art Show begins.

"Vengeance"

A series of small time crooks are found stripped and murdered, but luckily Charlie has an alibi when he's locked up for fighting at the Colorforms Blue Casino. Rainbow Johnny ghosts his probation officer again.

Random 7-11 Shelf Fun

I don't know if you've ever tried this particular flavor of Coca-Cola, but imagine toxic waste combined with stale sweetener. Still better than a Pepsi, though.

This is for the ULTIMATE peanut butter lovers who don't want to fuck around with some chocolate covering on a Reese's. Why? Because it's not peanut butter! I imagine actual ultimate peanut butter lovers are just scooping straight out of a peanut butter jar into their mouths.

I'm not sure if this sign is up for health code reasons, for public safety reasons, or just because they were sick of seeing dumbasses burn their fingers. 

An Imagined Conversation

"I still think there's somebody prowling in our yard, honey. You did call the police, right?"

"The police? No."

"Why not?! I thought you said you called the authorities."

"No, I said I called El Toro-Tees. They're on their way with collectible ceramic plates, NYPD souvenir T-shirts and small statues of the Freedom Tower."

"Oh thank Jesus!"

An Imagined Conversation

Guy 1: Well, these ice cream treats are terrible.

(Guy 1 takes another taste, looks at packaging)

Guy 1: "Nutty peanut butter and cheese flavor?!" No wonder it's so bad.

Guy 2: I have another theory.

Guy 1: Yeah?

Guy 2: Maybe it's the fact that in the top upper left hand corner, it says "ice cream style treats for dogs," you moron.

Guy 1: "Ice cream style treats?!" You mean they're not even real ice cream for dogs?

An Imagined Conversation

"Man, I am psyched to get this sandwich shop started!"
"Only two more days, Don. Exciting, huh?'
"You bet, Carl."

(awkward silence)

"Something wrong, Don?"
"Not really."
"Oh come on. You can tell me. We're business partners now, remember?"
"Well, it's just this, Carl. I don't really feel like we should call it a Sub Shop."
"Why the hell not?"
"You remember how I told you I went to culinary school in Passaic, right?"
"Oh my God. You mean to tell me you were lying?"
"No no no. Relax, Carl. Sit down. No, I totally went there. The thing is, when it came to sandwich making, I skipped out on the day they were teaching us how to build a real submarine sandwich."
"What were you doing?"
"I think 'Green Lantern' came out that day."
"That was a good movie."
"I hated it. Anyway, I never really learned how to make a proper sub, so I feel really awkward putting the actual word SUB SHOP outside."
"What was to hate about 'Green Lantern?' Ryan Reynolds was totally badass."
"So that's why I feel so uncertain about actually calling what we make 'subs.'"
"I mean, the love interest between him and Blake Lively was nonexistent for the most part."
"In fact, the mechanical way we make these sandwiches reminds me of a goddamned factory."
"And it's pretty unnatural to hire Blake Lively– who's a stunning blonde– and make her a brunette. That's just like when they hired Jessica Alba– a stunning brown-eyed brunette– and did the inverse for those godawful 'Fantastic Four' movies."
"You know what, Carl? I'd feel a lot better if we put the word 'sub' in quotes. But maybe put a space between each quote and the word 'sub' so that customers don't think I'm being sarcastic. Yeah."
"What are we talking about, again?"

More Randomness From That Store

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Boring Post Du Jour

Pictured above, an exciting feature I hadn't notice on my oven.

Hey, now I can touch anyone's boobs.

Racist Appliances

I got a flyer in the mail from my local power company last week. One page in it struck me:


Those appliances didn't look too happy to have minority guests over. So RACIST APPLIANCES was born:







Racist appliances!

Okay, What the Hell.

There's this convenience store near my house in New Jersey, and I just visited it recently. It's run by a kindly Indian man who is very friendly but has an odd way of stocking his wares.




What the fuck, dude. Did he make that sandwich himself? I'm glad he clarified that it was made with two slices of bread. I'm amazed he didn't include nutritional information.


Yes, that is a single stick of butter being sold next to a single jello cup. It looks like he's ignoring all those 'not for individual sale' warnings on wrappers so he can turn a buck. Oh yeah, also the chocolate bar.


There are no words.

Voila!

(pictured above, J'Net displays our neighbor Peter's fabulous hallway shoe collection and aroma wonderland)