New Perks of an AMC Stubs Membership

AMC's rewards program gains more and more members every month, primarily because of its growing list of perks and rewards. Here now are the latest benefits of being a Stubs card holder:

• If you nod off, we will rewind the film to where you were last paying attention

• Exclusive access to the upcoming "Passion of the Christ: Resurrection" popcorn bucket

• Diego can bake some hash into the chocolate chip cookies for you in the concession stand wink wink

• Text alerts for next time a movie starring that actor you like is playing

• Free spicy jalapeño nacho pretzel bites with purchase of XXL moon pie cookies & creme frozen blizzard shake diabetes

Hollywood Gives Up and Just Makes Movies Out of Products That Celebrities Are Currently Endorsing

The major studios have been out of original movie ideas for years. But only now have they figured, Why not just make a movie out of the movie stars' product endorsements that you can find at your local Walgreens? Here now are all the synergistic releases movie audiences can look forward to:

"Cozy Days To Glamorous Nights" starring Tamera Mowry

An identical twin estranged from her sister travels to the Italian island of Scünci to get away from her troubles. She hangs out in sweatshirts and yoga pants (cozy days) in her isolated villa but eventually finds love when she meets a mysterious dark winemaker (glamorous nights). Rated R for nudity and coarse language.

"Nobody Glows Like You" starring Taraji P. Henson

An inspirational semi-fictional-biopic of Taraji's rise to fame. Taraji stars as a young daughter of a royal space archaeologist who unites his moon colony to dethrone the tyrannical Mars invaders. Music by Taraji P. Henson and The Killers.

"Hyaluron + Plump" starring Eva Longoria and Ellie Fanning

A female buddy cop movie– Longoria plays the strait-laced Captain Valerie Plump who's very sensitive about her surname, and Fanning plays the flighty Gen Z rookie Moonbeam Hyaluron. Together they uncover a corruption scandal that reaches all the way to CITY HALL!!!!! Rated PG-13 with an upbeat soundtrack by Fall Out Boy, Lizzo, and Maggie Rogers.

Ummm...

I'm guessing someone named their beloved pets after former presidents, and not their kids?

"Who pooped on the carpet? Was that you, Obama?"

More Available But Stupid Porn Stage Names

"Sup. Wait, hold up, hoss. You can't walk onto set and start fucking until you get yourself a porn name. My buddy Huzz has some available porn names in that bucket over by the window, and you can help yourself. But be warned, my dude– they're mostly shitty and embarrassing. Like the movies themselves.

Him

B. Nana Sling

Rodrigo Skidmarks

Banging Chad

Ollie Wantsistocuddle

Randy Sumbitch

Her

Mona Clonal Antibodies

Polly Urethane

Cher N. Sharealike

Maxine Out Yourcreditcards

Pegging Youhard

Belle Bivdevoe

More Unwanted Taglines For A Crappy Movie That Came And Went Already

EADJ Fashion Roundup: Sweet November Edition

Dang. That guy is like a CHERRY/CHERRY/LEMON on a slot machine.

Steve Zissou takes a smoke break–after bowling a game, apparently.

This lumbering beast of burden plowed three rows in Penn Station before Farmer Blake could plant next year's corn.

Look. It's Nick Nolte's mugshot.

This is either a wacky French cartoon or a very easy page of "Where's Waldo?'

This middle aged hipster still cruises Tinder and brews his own craft beer. Has he mentioned his Twitch Channel where he plays RDR2?

Cheapo Construction Companies

The other week we had an entry that featured a poster with some safety site icons:

Then earlier today I was doing a search for stock imagery for warning signs for work, when I came across these same icons on a free website:

Hmm. I guess using free stock imagery for posters is a lot cheaper than chaining undocumented graphic designers to a radiator and making them crank out six quality icons that can stand out at 20 feet. It's just economics.