"The Magic of Cakes", My Ass

 A birthday candle display at a nearby DQ trumpets "The Magic of Cakes":

Kind of an overpromise, ya think, DQ? Cakes are great, but let's be realistic here.

• Have cakes ever significantly canceled student debt in any part of the country?

• No cakes in the past 50 years have ever de-escalated a hostage situation.

• Fish: Yummy; Fish cakes: I'll pass

• In 99.99% of marriages that have ended up failing, a cake was at the wedding.

• Firearms ballistics experts have calculated that even the thickest layer cake cannot stop a .38 bullet.

Spotted on Packaging For an Electronic "Flaming" Lamp

"The dancing flames are like elves in the dark night." How poetic. But I don't remember seeing elves in The Dark Knight, do you?

The Triumphant Return of CSI EADJ

After a 2 year hiatus, the forensic offices and labs at EADJ have been reopened for new investigations. Today with fresh equipment, new staff, and hot shit SUVs to drive around in, we tackle three new cases:

CASE C24862

Location: Midtown, NYC

CASE C24863

Location: South Orange, NJ

CASE C24864

Location: Subway, NYC

The ProofrEADJer: End of February Edition

Submitted by Emily Kane: