Some More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

Her: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Him: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Cameo by Will Ferrell: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

"You think you man enough to climb me? Climb my face, bitch."

"No, they are not real. None of this is."

"Jeez, I knew the whole office hated Alison, but this is over the top, guys."

"Can we have a deadly night out for once? I don't feel like having a deadly night in again."

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

MC Wile E. Coyote has a plan. Produced by ACME Studios.

But before E.T. boarded his spaceship and headed home, he lifted his finger and told Future, "I'll be right here... for an unnecessary collabo with Drake and 2 Chainz."

"I see you've recently changed the oil on your sedan. I can respect that. Someone who takes the time to maintain and care for their car will have great use out of it for years to come. That's something most people don't realize- they drive the heck out of a car, thinking it doesn't need to be taken into the shop until it's starting to break down. But you get it. You understand the importance of regular tune ups and... oh shit, WHERE ARE MY SHOES?"

Yes, it is possible to fail a Photoshop course.

Crip starter kits are only $119.99 with your Sam's Club card.

Few people realize that Drake is an amateur gemologist. Here are a few gems from his collection of rare glass doorknobs from old ladies' homes.

An A? I'd drop a whole letter grade because he can't spell "similes."

This could be a new age CD- I don't care. It is an awesome cover.

Here Are Your Job Numbers

Greetings, all. Sorry we haven't been able to share these sooner, but the last-minute reschedule of client presentations and Sheryl's baby shower in the Fishbowl have delayed the collection of these job codes. Please use these numbers instead of the ones given back in April:

76552 - Metadata Meeting

84944 - Social and Digital Extension Brainstorm

93411 - Discussion of Enterprise vs. Millennium Falcon

50567 - Faking Timesheets

10092 - Dollar Store Spending Spree courtesy of Petty Cash

88294 - Teaching the I.T. Guy How To Kiss

39231 - Smoke Break (No Vapes)

28221 - Comparing Your Leather Jacket To The CEO's

58994 - Explaining To H.R. Why the Term "Titty Twister" Isn't Offensive

20246 - Pushing Your Amway Shit In Conference Room B

49328 - Furious Argument Over Who Keeps Stealing The Kitchen's Honey

90032 - Fainting

18231 - Audit of Sally's Workout Clothes While She's At Lunch

54930 - Vomiting Again

TAFFY!

Pictured above, a far more depressing scene than Edward Hopper's "Night Hawks."

Epilogue

Click image to read. Unless you like squinting.

Why I Can't Concentrate at Starbucks Sometimes

Two Words: Chubby Girl Thong.



I know that's three words. But I just can't concentrate.

EADJ Doesn't Do This Bit Anymore.

(pictured above, me and two other blobs of unfried dough. And Curlz MT.)

BONUS: According to Wikipedia, in Canada, pieces of fried dough are sometimes called "Beaver Tails."

EADJ Fashion Tip

If you're fat, don't wear one of those punky jackets with skeletons on it. It just shows people how much strain your poor bones are under. Poor skeleton.

How the "Door Prizes" Cavalcade of Crap looks now.

Chicago EADJ reporter Vince was good enough to take a recent picture of the Door Prize cabinet in the Creative Department Annex. As you can see, there is still plenty of booty to be pilfered and gotten rid of.





A "mint in box" mop


A Triumph the Insult Comic Dog doll that still works. Too bad what it says isn't as funny as on the show. Vince now has this on his desk.


An impromptu memorial to Dan Consiglio and beans.


Jingoism for your infant.

And although it appears the cabinet is becoming filled to capacity, luckily there is additional storage space:

Bonus Suckage

This was at Detroit's convention center (not on the same day). Suddenly I'm not hungry for a wrap and a smoothie.