EADJ Fashion Round Up: The Spring Collection

Waiting in line at Walgreens just got more stylish with a multi stripe golf shirt and a snug pair of flowery linen shorts. Finish off the impatient look with ankle socks and a pair of New Balance sneaks!

Doing strenuous yard work with an analog push mower? A floral jumper will speak to the nature part, while the Adidas tracket keeps you spry and sporty!

Inspiration can come from anywhere, and that includes a 3 year old middling Disney animated movie. Witness Tiffany taking a neighborhood stroll as she channels Raya and the Last Dragon.

"Look for me in church service. I'll be the one sporting the startled owl look."

The Victorian governess look is made more convincing with a Spanish flu facemask and a black lace kerchief that screams, "I'm in mourning!"*

*Yes, I realize the Spanish flu was in 1918 and technically the Victorian era ended with her death in 1901. Don't @ me.

🤦

Pictured below, Saks communicates to out-of-touch rich people that they too are out-of-touch and are perfect for them.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Give a Child a Fade

Parents are learning that cutting their children's hair can save a lot of time and money. Here's a quick guide on how to give your kid an awesome fade:

1) Get your clippers and attach the desired guard. 1 is the shortest and 5 is for longer hair.

2) Run the clipper along the child’s head, starting at the back. Make sure to keep your strokes slow and smooth. 

3) Use a longer guard length to give your child a fade. Start from the nape of the neck, bringing the clipper up towards the bottom of the crown. As you do, bring the clipper towards you in an arc to blend the different lengths together.

4) Brush off your kid and send them to the shower!

And speaking of showers, I once had a bridal party totally wreck my limo with confetti and glitter. Took me a week to vacuum out completely. ASK FIRST, LADIES!

Maybe the leg warmers just fell over time.

Shopping for a new hat often involves wearing a hat you don't particularly care about.

The rest of the ensemble is *chef's kiss*.

I'm guessing two roommates in the middle of a slumber party suddenly remembered they needed a popcorn machine, band aids and a 2-Liter of lemonade.

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up, 2022 Winter Collection

Stacy's Aunt doesn't have it going on.

Either this guy biked to the bank or he's being thrifty in case his pants pockets have holes and wants to catch the coins that fall.

This fellow crossing the street near Lake Merrit in Oakland had a bright orange parasol and a cowhide satchel and he was worried that cars won't notice him.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Shell Pecans

Pecans are great for snacking, baking or just snacking. Did I say snacking twice? Jesus, this medication is fucking me up. Anyways, here are some quick steps to shelling pecans:

1) Place the nut between the arms of a nutcracker and squeeze gently until you hear it crack. Don't squeeze too hard, or you will break the nut meat inside.

2) Rotate the nut between the arms of the nutcracker and squeeze again. Continue rotating and squeezing along the length of the nut until the shell becomes loose enough to remove.

3) Separate the nut meat from the shell and you're done!

4) Read the directions on your prescription drugs before taking too much, especially before driving your limo on a job.

Stay safe, kids.

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up, Fall 2016 Look Book

So somebody once told you you resemble Steve Perry, so you fancied yourself a rock star and started wearing hipster jeans so tight that they rendered your parents infertile.

When you dress like John Goodman in "The Big Lebowski," people assume that either you're cosplaying or about to whip out a gun in a bowling alley.

The problem with "urban fashion" is that it automatically makes you look like a six year old going to a sleepover and suddenly you're not interested in women.

Thank God she found the matching pink shoes. Otherwise she'd never have left the house.

Going to take the dog out to take a shit on the pavement? Wear long slacks that drag on the ground with sandals, of course!

(This photo submitted by Emily Kane)

Whether you're the living embodiment of the Flintstones' Bam-Bam or Gary Busey in a "biker phase," you'll want to hang out at the roadhouse in this grey-tshirt-and-sleeveless-denim-vest ensemble to announce to the world that you're "too fast to live, too lazy to pick out a better outfit."

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up: Not Yet Halloween Edition

 

Look closely. That is the hardest working bra hook in the history of brassieres.

"Sexy Minion Costume." Such a missed opportunity to have a single eyeball on the chest.

 

Some people don't even need to walk into a Halloween costume store.

Uh, I think an airport neck pillow doesn't provide as much support as one of those work belts.

David Lee Roth called. He just wanted to say hi.

Two Facebook Messages

To Eva Cunningham: No thanks. I'm pretty sure you're a pornstar/spammer. Fuck off.

To Katie Holmes: Hi. It's nice to see you're back on the market. It must have been a really emotional, difficult divorce. But glad to see you back on your feet, ready to meet new people. But no thanks. I'm married already.

EADJ Fashion Tip

If you're fat, don't wear one of those punky jackets with skeletons on it. It just shows people how much strain your poor bones are under. Poor skeleton.

Metallurgy Corner!

(this entry has been provided as a service to the many EADJ readers who have requested a section devoted to the art of metallurgy)

Electroplating is a popular surface-treatment technique. It involves bonding a thin layer of another metal such as gold, silver, chromium or zinc to the surface of the product. If the product is Joel, then the substance used is dick. It is used to reduce corrosion as well as to improve the product's aesthetic appearance.

Aluminium, copper, tin and gold are used in power lines, wires, printed circuit boards and integrated circuits. Integrated circuits sometimes have dick, and then Joel is used to eat that dick to fully integrate the unit. Soldering is a method of joining metallic electrical conductors where high strength is not required. Dick-in-Joel is another method of joining dick to hungry, hungry Joel Thomas.

(pictured above, only by going to a bridal store at a strip mall in the suburbs can you ever see a sweet poster like this)