Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Boombox Was Surprised He Was Still Around.

Boombox was surprised he was still around.

Roller kept his mouth shut about it.

Pink Balloon wanted to talk about it with someone.

Toilet Paper Dispenser was going apeshit over it.

(Submitted by Andrew) French Toilet was surprised.

But American Toilet wasn't surprised at all.

Some More Taglines For "Sharknado"

The filmmakers of "Sharknado" finally got their movie aired on SyFy, and with a reported 1.4 million viewers and a score of mentions on Twitter (#sharknado), it has already been scheduled to re-air on July 18. In anticipation of this re-airing, EADJ has created some MORE unsolicited free taglines for their marketing department to use:

Fucking Hell.

 

"Hey Tiger, let's go for a walk," he said.

"Let's get some fresh air," he said.

He gets me up from a perfectly good nap near the radiator for "a walk," which actually turned out to be a quick drive Sears so he can watch "Finding Nemo" on Blu Ray rather than another grainy episode of "CSI" on his old-school standard TV.

Walk my ass.

And now I gotta poop something fierce, but he won't let me out of his lap because this is the part where Nemo meets Dory, voiced by the incomparable Ellen Degeneres.

I'm starting to think he's forgotten that he's not at home.

I remember Ellen Degeneres starring in a movie called "Mr. Wrong," where she played a straight woman who marries a psycho dude. Weird.

Well, at least it's nice and warm in here. Can't take a nap, though, because so many people (who smell terrible, by the way) keep walking by and saying how cute I am.
Can't poop. Can't sleep. And I've already seen "Finding Nemo" three times.
Fuck me.

Let's Refer To the EADJ As "Snazzy," Even Though That Word Makes Us Feel Incredibly Uncomfortable!

Submitted by John Reid, a headline that came very close to becoming the next blog masthead.

A New EADJ Monday Segment: The Confused NYC Tourists

Pekka: Helmi!

Helmi: What, Pekka?

Pekka: Can you see what I see?

Helmi: There is so much to see in New York the City. Which thing are you seeing?

Pekka: Agreed, there is an explosion of visual delights in this marvelous city. But I was specifying the looking at the one thing on the "side-walk" there.

Helmi: Ø Mein Göten!

Pekka: I know, right?

Helmi: Ø the wonders of mankind! New York the City is like a display of man's finest achievements!

Pekka: I am glad that I brought the photo-camera with us to United States for recording these marvels.

Helmi: Well, don't just stand there, take a photograph of the strange thing!

Pekka: I am still lost in wonder. Is it even real? How did it find its way there? Who helped it become that way? It is so high. perhaps it is a tall farmer's duty? So many questions.

Helmi: No time to wonder! Photograph the thing so we can show our relatives! We can discuss later, there is no time! PHOTOGRAPH IT!!!!

* click *

Fictionalization-a-rama!

The following is a totally made-up account based on the information given by this flyer:


Last Saturday, Joel flew out to New York to hang out with me and to enjoy the STONE STREET HISTORICAL DISTRICT OYSTER FESTIVAL that he's been hearing about for years. He had pawned his Nordic Track, refrigerator and his chimp servant's chimp-sized ATV to afford a plane ticket on such short notice. But he felt it was worth it to finally try the festival's famed FRESHLY SHUCKED OYSTERS and PERFECT PINTS OF GUINNESS. Joel had taken an extremely early flight to give him enough time to land, get his bearings, and cab it to the financial district by NOON, which was when THE FUN BEGINS.

And sure enough, he met me and my co-worker Barry between the two hosts of the event, ULYSSES' and HARRY'S. Crowds were starting to form already between STONE STREET AND MILL LANE– police had to cordon off the area to allow more foot traffic. Greta, a friendly woman in her forties, collected our $30, checked our ID's and gave us wrist bands. We thanked her, but she was too busy singing along to CHRIS BYRNE'S SEANCHAI & THE UNITY SQUAD, who were 10 minutes into their unique punk/funk Celtic hip-hop set.

Band website

A flip of a coin, and we three entered Harry's to start off with some CHAMPAGNE AND RIESLING. The main bar was too crowded, and no tables were available, so we huddled by the Golden Tee machine and toasted to the good life. A smelly dude with the teeth of a pirate was playing the game and seemed irked by where we were standing. Barry's elbow kept brushing against his, and it was affecting his drive. The dude intentionally spilled Barry's RIESLING.

The two eventually got into a shoving match while Joel ordered a round of HARP & SMITHWICK'S. Joel diffused the situation by eating the guy's dick, which gave Barry enough time to go outside and cool off. Barry was upset but also shocked at seeing Joel's knack for eating cock. I explained to him that Joel has changed a lot since Portfolio Center.

We went over to ULYSSES' to get our first dozen oysters and to check out MILO Z and LUNASA. They totally blew ass, so we decided to go back to HARRY'S and brave the hostility of the smelly dude. It was 1:30 by this time, and we hadn't eaten a single oyster yet. Only Joel was full (cock).

A harried waitress plopped platters of FRESHLY SHUCKED OYSTERS at the table we had finally snagged, and the feasting began. Joel spilled cocktail sauce all over his camo cargo shorts. Barry was on his third platter after 20 minutes.

Then the band started. In a predictable twist of plot, it was the smelly Golden Tee dude singing on stage! He turned out to be DAN DONNELLY, and he totally fucking sucked. Barry, Joel, and I booed all through his set, throwing oyster shells at his eyes and fingering his girlfriend (that wasn't me).

We drank and harangued and pissed ALL NIGHT. Barry lost his wallet in the women's toilet, and I found a lantern. Score!

Dan Donnelly's shitty website