Latest Lineup Roster for VidCon US 2024!!!!!

Social media's biggest collection of influencers, vloggers and useless dipshits luminaries will grace the stage at VidCon US 2024 next month. Here are the latest appearances scheduled: 

• Jake Paul and Logan Paul will fight over the last Hot Pocket in the freezer

• Viral ukulele player Sondra Gash will play the entire catalog of Pink Floyd on the convention hall roof, rain or shine

• Liam Kyle Sullivan, the creator responsible for the 2006 viral video "Shoes", will celebrate his 80th birthday

• Virtual influencer "Skynet" will make a big announcement

• Manosphere podcasters Joe T & Buck will oil up and shave each other onstage to show how straight they are

• The Drake/Kendrick Lamar beef explodes when their respective caterers face off

• 4-hour "In Memoriam" montage for all the Instagrammers who died doing something stupid

Upcoming Exhibits at the Annual Consumer Electronics Show

CES takes place in Pueblo, Colorado next month. Here are the featured booths and products to check out:

• an Ebookshelf

• some complicated DJ equipment that makes it look like you're doing something

• a humidifier for your wife's privates

• an A.I. controlled Roomba that clicks its teeth at how messy you are

• live music by the Boston Dynamic Stagediving and Moshing Robots

• fiber optic butt plugs

• digital ham

Bruce Willis's Inner Dialogue Based On Movie Posters

"Survive the Night? If I can survive this shoot without undercooked food in the craft service, I'll be happy."

"I'm sure this Chad Michael Murray fellow is a lovely person, but when did he and I get joined at the fucking hip?"

"THAT'S the title of the movie? Fine, whatever. As long as the check clears."

"Now I really don't get this title. And I'm a cop in this one? Is this a romance? No? Shit."

"I remember being in a Seagrams Golden Wine Cooler commercial with Sharon Stone. Those were the days."

"This is kind of fun. Sci-fi. This other guy seems familiar, too. We're acting on green screen? Shit."

"Please help me. I don't want to be in movies anymore. Not even good ones."

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Periodically, Hulu renews or cancels shows or movies based on what's leftover from Netflix. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Hulu this month:

• Bozack Makeover

• Dr. Pimple Popper, Senior Edition

• Hip Hop Hype Man Job Fair

• Real Geishas of Feudal Japan

• Still Photos of My Ass

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu is removing from their lineup this month:

• MythPerpetuators

• We Follow Papa John Around While He Mutters

• Toddlers Playing With Dangerous Farm Equipment

• Goof Militia

• The USB Experience: The Series

U.S. Soccer® Scarves⁵?!

Okay, McDonald's. Let's talk about U.S. Soccer® Scarves⁵.

Number one, if this is all part of the World Cup® promotional thing, that shit is over for the U.S., you know. Reminding us of the World Cup® is just painful³.

Number two, the World Cup® is held in Rio De Janeiro in BRAZIL. Who needs friggin' scarves⁵ there?

Number three, why am I slumming in McDonald's® again?

Number four, what is so shitty about the Fan Pack⁶ that it gets listed sixth⁶?

Number five, Double Quarter Pounder™ With Cheese, $2.99 plus tax†

Number six, since when do soccer and scarves go together?

Edit: Well, shit. Apparently it is a thing:

Number seven, the only Americans who wear scarves are Dr. Who and Harry Potter. Wait, what?

TV's Cancer

Newton Minow once referred to a day of watching television as "a vast wasteland" to the National Association of Broadcasters in 1961. Even then, he had no idea how far TV had to fall.


Here's a tiny sampling of how bad TV has curdled:

The Discovery Channel
Then: Documentaries on science, technology, and history
Today: Reality shows (Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters, American Chopper)

MTV
Then: Tons of music videos, Mark Goodman rambling, Martha Quinn looking adorable
Today: Reality shows (The Hills, My Super Sweet 16, Paris Hilton's My New BFF)

The Learning Channel
Then: The Learning Channel: "A Place for Learning Minds" Documentaries on nature, cooking, and home improvement
Today: Now TLC:"Life Unscripted" Reality shows (Junkyard Wars, What Not To Wear, Jon & Kate Plus Shoot Me in the Fucking Face With a Shotgun)

I'm anxiously waiting for reality shows to die forever. Because I can't justify buying a widescreen TV just to watch banal repetitive shit like this (feel free not to watch the whole thing):



Purgatory is full of reality stars, all milling about and not making friends. And definitely not reading.

*EDITOR'S NOTE: I realize "National Lampoon's European Vacation" is not a reality show. It just fits in with the theme of TV going to hell.

Sublime Nonsense

As always, click to enlarge:

The Series Finale: "At Long Last"

Teaser trailer:



Sunday's series finale to "Brynn 'nn Matt" featured all-star special appearances by Candice Bergen, Candace Bushnell, Sarah Jessica Parker, America Ferrera, Dom Deluise, both of those guys from "Wings," Armistead Maupin, Kathy Griffin, Oprah Winfrey, Joy Behar, Debra Messing, Billy Zane, Dean Cain, Chelsea Handler, Mo Rocca, Frangela, Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum, Perez Hilton, Tyra Banks, Jenna Jameson, Kennedy, Downtown Julie Brown, Julie Brown, Judy Tenuta, MC Skat Kat, and Emmanuel Lewis.

Viewing parties all around the country saw the two star-crossed account executives saying goodbye as one sets out on a different path.

"I was crying throughout the whole thing," sobbed Kristy Cheever, 23, at her viewing party in Sacramento, "It was just soooo sad to see all these beloved characters saying goodbye to each other. And I can't believe how he finally said goodbye in that hot air balloon over Central Park. It was sooooo romantic!"

ABC is already working on a spinoff series titled "Joanne" which follows one of the key "B'nn M" characters and her wacky misadventures.

***BREAKING EADJ NEWS***

We actually have 2 Rolly Wrap items to announce:

1) The Old Bridge Deli on 41st & Lexington, the unofficial "Home of the Rolly Wrap," has BEEN CLOSED DOWN by the City of New York! Huge orange posters on the locked doors announce to disappointed would-be Rolly Wrap eaters that the property has been seized due to tax evasion:




This legal snarl has not only bummed out hundreds of lunchgoers but has threatened to severely alter the EADJ Rolly Wrap Drawing Contest. Will this affect the deadline? Will there even be a contest now? Will we be forced to eat at that horribly overpriced Pret A Manger now? *shudder*

Most importantly, with The Old Bridge Deli closed, how can we confirm what a Rolly Wrap even looks like now? The answer to this last question is simple: Larry K remains the only person to have seen one of those things, and he has agreed to still judge the contest. EADJ has consequently sent security guards to stand guard and protect Larry's life until the contest deadline. Let's hope his memory of what a Rolly Wrap looks like stays intact for the next few weeks.

EADJ will continue to monitor the latest developments of The Old Bridge Deli's closing and of Larry's health.

2) Despite the serious governmental setback, submissions have continued to pour in. So far we have Rolly Wrap drawings from:

Joanne
Kat
Brynn
Tom

The deadline is still Wednesday, August 27 at 3pm. We are eagerly awaiting YOUR submission! Send all submissions here.

Fresh.

Yesterday, Joel farted into a Ziploc bag to see if it would keep.

It did.

(pictured above, Tom W prepares himself for 40 days and 40 nights of ankle flooding)