What In the Fart?

Spotted on FB: a t-shirt design that I swear doesn't make any sense:

Snoopy and Michael Jackson? WTF?

While Peanuts and MJ both have pretty big fan bases, respectively, I can't imagine who would want a shirt with both of them on it. There are like no lyrics or songs of his that mention Peanuts or Snoopy or anything related to angst-ridden, precocious kids with giant sphere heads.

The only connection I can guess is the terrible one with the allegations of Michael Jackson and children. But who would want to wear a shirt with THAT?

 

Spotted at an AirBnb in Detroit

A dog butthole by Roberto Borboa

More Missed Connections From A Dog Park

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the confused Setter licking where your balls used to be

Me: the demure Afghan pretending not to notice you notice me

When our eyes connected, it was like magic. I could feel a whole world of possibility between us up until my master told me it was time to go. I had pooped already anyway!

You: the Jack Russell mix with the smell of cat on you

Me: the shedding (sorry!) Samoyed

I was panting not only because I was hot but because YOU WERE. Where'd you get that physique? It wasn't from running around this cramped, 1/4 acre dog run. Look me up!

You: the mutt with the ball

Me: the purebred Rottweiler with BALLS

You looked like you were into playing games. I am, too. I like fetch, tag, and burying my bone, IF you catch my meaning! Wink wink. But seriously, let's fuck.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Make Delicious French Toast

Originally a way to use up stale bread, hot, steaming French toast is a perfect addition to a brunch, as well as making a delicious cold weather breakfast treat. Follow these steps, and you'll soon be enjoying its delicious goodness.

1) Beat egg, vanilla and cinnamon in shallow dish. Stir in milk.

2) Dip bread in egg mixture, turning to coat both sides evenly.

3) Cook bread slices on lightly greased nonstick griddle or skillet on medium heat until browned on both sides.

And speaking of "browned on both sides," if you're riding in the back of one of the limos I drive and stand out of the sunroof for hours and hours, just remember that the waiver you signed clears me of any liability for nasty sunburns.

Stay safe kids!

CSI: EADJ: Second Response

It's time once again for CSI: EADJ, where our crack team of expert investigators examine crime scene clues and try to recreate the most likely scenario that could have left such bizarre evidence. And when we say "crack team," we mean me and whatever I think up over my lunch break. Hmm, should I go for a hoagie today?

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CASE 489566

Location: New York City

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CASE 489567

Location: New York City

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CASE 489568

Location: New York City

Note: within a span of one week, random apples were spotted strewn uneaten on the streets and subway stations near Midtown.

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CASE 489569

Location: Union, New Jersey, outside a Dollar Store

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CASE 489570

Location: Deptford, New Jersey at the Returns Department of a Home Depot

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CASE 489571

Submitted by Special Agent Andrew Gall via "text messaging" technology

Location: some bar in Chicago, Illinois

EADJ Is Brought To You This Week By Springer Dog Exerciser

Do you and your dog love the outdoors? Does one of you like to get exercise? Then gear up with the Springer Dog Exerciser, a revolutionary new way to take your dog for a walk without getting off your fat ass! Ride around the park while your dog struggles to keep up! Coast through busy streets while your dog tromps his way over potholes and sleeping hobos just to stop from getting strangled!

But don't take our word for it. Here's Internationally Known Dog Fighter Doctor Yuri Dotretskov: 

"Put spring on bike. Spring hold leash. Dog forced to follow bike."

And just listen to what some of our customers have to say:

"They say that eating right and getting exercise is the best way to a long, healthy life. For dogs. I'll have a Quarter Pounder with Cheese large combo. With a Diet Coke. Is the sundae machine working?" -Amber, 29 on the phone

"I hate exercise almost as much as I hate my dog. Thanks, Springer Dog Exerciser!" -Pete, 28

"Hurry the fuck up, Lola! We have to get home to catch the 'Dancing With The Stars' recap show!"  -Margaret, 38

Springer Dog Exerciser. Now You Got The Hook Up™!

New York City, The Most Exciting City In the World.

Pictured above, what at first looks like a grisly murder scene just turns out to be a broken bottle of merlot from Zachy's.