Drink Carrier Was Cranky

Drink Carrier was cranky.

Target Rack ignored him.

"I am zee French door, non?"

Paper Towel Ghost tried to escape.

Coming Soon to EADJ: Unwanted Shitty Taglines For Yet Another Shitty Shark Movie

Although "Gonna need a bigger board" is sufficiently shitty already. Stay tuned.

New Video Segment: EADJ Changes the Ending To a Porno

Special Weekend Entry

EADJ doesn't do this bit anymore, but if you look closely at the banner in this photo on NewYorkTimes.com, you'll see the phrase "WELCOME BACK GOVERNOR" set in the typeface Curlz MT.

Introducing: Foster's Law

Foster's Law: When Jessica is around a banana, the probability of a dick joke being made approaches one.

Eat A Dick Joel: Special Teacher's Edition

(Note: This is a special guide to help educators explain in more detail the life and travails of Joel Thomas to their students. This is not an instructional guide on how to eat dick.)

Students often ask "Why does Joel eat dick?" Instead of ignoring this obvious question or punishing them, you should let them figure it out for themselves. Answer them with questions of your own: "Why shouldn't Joel eat dick?" "What is the symbolic connection between Joel and dick?" "What about Joel can we identify with?" "Who's making farting noises near the radiator? Is it you, Peter?"

Also, workbooks are helpful in developing a student's understanding of dick being eaten by Joel. By involving them in activities, essays, and pictograms, by the end of 8 weeks most 3rd graders can grasp the concept of Joel chugging huge amounts of ding dong and can probably write "Eat a dick, Joel" in cursive.

Answers for section 2 of the workbooks:

1. Yes
2. Yes.
3. Four.
4. Dick.
5. 225 North Michigan, 24th Floor, Chicago, IL 60601, Attn: Brad Harvey
6. The letters C, U, and N.
7. Frederick Douglass
8. Chris Klein dressed like a pizza.
9. Fangoria Magazine, Vol. 4, Issue 8

(pictured above, the exact amount of Indian food that Scott Wild can eat without spraying the bowl in orange.)