“A Good Plan Violently Executed Now is Better Than a Pathmark Executed Next Week”

Some More Available (But Terrible) Porn Names

What's up, hot stuff? Welcome to the set! We’re ready to begin shooting your first scene, but first we'll need you to pick a porn name- something we'll use to indicate you in the credits. Here's a trucker hat full of porn names that you can pick from. Help yourself to any of it, but fair warning– a lot of these are pretty stupid: 

Him

Ben Ana Sling

Al O’Pecia

Basick Abel

Black Lives Matt R.

Outstanding Warren

Her

Liv LaughLove

Isabella Stinkhole

Frieda Lay

O’Hare Layover

Barba Sol

Olivia Flutin'-Dong

"We Hang the Petty Thieves and Appoint the Great Ones to Pathmark."

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week Of November 27

What, this again? This fake bullshit entry where we pretend that these are actual hashtags that people have refused to use on Twitter, so then we're offering them for the reading public to use in their own insipid tweets? Yep.

#ottertits

#stripperdick

#skoalcasserole

#harmonicalewinski

#makingabongoutofajoint

#wherethefuckisthataltarboy

#willyoubemineKateGosselin

#hewongetoveritiamagoodperson

#dumpingcomcastfortimewarner

#shittingfrommydeerstandandlovingit

The Dangers of Being a Fanboy.

Pretty much everyone who knows Larry knows of his band, Supra Genius.

And those who receive Larry's Supra Genius emails know that they have a myspace site, where you can check out their excellent songs, shirtless-on-a-hay-wagon promo photos and latest news and whatnot:

Supra Genius on myspace

So the thing is, someone in the band responsible for putting them on myspace (Larry won't say who) got all "friend request" crazy when the spam hookers came calling— he said "YES!" and let such dubious individuals as "DaNIeLLEmaBeLLe," "[NaTaLiA]," and "AnGeLgRaCE" into their circle of friends. So now when someone legit (aka ME) became friends with Supra Genius, the spam hookers latched onto my profile and have infected my inbox like a case of digital herp-herps:



So I say to you Amber Lynn, oOoJENNAoOo, ♥ CrAzY/BeAuTiFuL♥, PaTTYCakeZ, JoannaBanana, I R MEGSTAH, GRkGRL,...MiMi...♥, [vividAlt.], Tushiba, (:dRAMMAKwEEEEEn*:), BETHANY T**TSm and Matt Webb, STOP SPAMMING ME, YOU SLUTS!!!!!! Thank you.

Feet Fay Fick Foel

In an ongoing effort to keep his weight off, Joel has requested all potential dick-eatees to not slather their dicks in gravy or ranch dressing.

"It's very thoughtful of you fellas to add a little something to the mix, and I do appreciate the gesture," Joel said in a booth in a Bob Evans off the freeway, "But a man's gotta keep his figure down, and too many fatty condiments add up. Especially when I'm eating like 800 in one sitting, BURP."

Since 2003, Joel has lost a total 48 lbs. and is now at a very agile 130 lbs. 132 if he has two dicks in his mouth.

In response to Joel's new request, many local eateries and grocery stores are now offering a "No Trans Fat" version of a popular lime tequila dick eating sauce.

(pictured above, Al Roker has the unmitigated Andrew GALL to tell people to eat healthier when all he did was cheat via gastric bypass surgery)