Some More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

Previous entry here.

Charles: "Aw man. That was my favorite Caribou Coffee location."

Dexie: "Run from the comets! All of them! RUUUUUUUNNN!"

Vince Offer: "You’re going to be in a great mood all day because you’re going to be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop!"

Ted (lighting a cigarette): "So you're my daughter or something?"

Candace: "I guess so."

Ted: "Well, shit."

Sylvester Stallone's character: [Some self-aware dialogue that clues you in that he realizes he's Rocky Balboa and/or self-effacing humor about the way he talks]

Robert De Niro's character: [Some self-aware dialogue that clues you in that he realizes he's played Jack LaMotta, Travis Bickle, and Al Capone. Also, the mandatory "You talking' to me?" line]

Ethan: "Wait a minute. There's an ACTUAL alien invasion, and the aliens' only weakness is laser beams, and the only people that can stop them are people with laser tag guns like us?"

Hamas: "Yeah, us and grocery store clerks with scanners. And anyone with laser pointers."

Mrs. Dott (taking off her skin-tight yoga pants): You boys don't mind if I do some yoga nude, do you?

Gregory: "Whooaaah mama!"

Vic: "Hubba hubba hubba! Lookit that bush!"

James: "That's my mom, but I'm totally erect! WTF!"

Contractor: "...and here on page 3, in section 45A, you need to initial here, here, and here, and then sign your full name at the bottom. Here's a pen. Today's date is August 18."

Amber: "You need to find the PERFECT MAN, Mom!"

Terri: "Yeah, Mom, although you've singlehandedly raised us alone since birth, you need the presence of a MAN in the house to validate us as a complete family!"

Mom: "Oh, you kids with your outmoded societal ideals of patriarchal authority! I love you!"

Coming Soon To The EADJ Crappinema: "Secret Agent Club," Starring Hulk Hogan In TWO ROLES!!!!!!

Fresh off of the major downer gore of "KAW!" the Crappinema does a 180 in tone and prepares to embrace the 1996 film "Secret Agent Club" starring Hulk Hogan in one of the least remembered movies of his career- and that's saying a LOT. Hulk Hogan plays a Dad who is secretly a government agent. How will he keep his secret from his son Jeremy? He WON'T! It will be slam-bang hi-jinx and snappy family-friendly one liners for two solid hours!!!!!!!

Still, I kind of want to watch "A Horse For Danny," too.

The front of the DVD sleeve trumpets "Secret Agent Club" as "True Lies" meets "Home Alone!" Shit mother goddamn, I want to see some of that!!!!!!

But I sort of want to watch "A Horse For Danny," too.

Uh, No Thanks

Pictured below, I change my mind about buying some breakfast yogurt for my son after noticing the batch lot number.

EADJ Fashion Roundup

 

Overburdened by two heavy black bags? Why not pass the burden on to two four inch heels? Fuck 'em.

 

 What's crazier than cutting off your ear and sending it to a prostitute? That tie.

 

 

 So this guy is not only riding on the train, he's wearing a jacket with a patch WITH A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT.

 

A SUBWAY TRAIN ON IT. Oops. That overflowed onto this one. This girl wore such a short skirt to Panera Bread, the rolls nearby rose from the yeast.

 

Click on this photo to enlarge. Now look at that woman's expression. Exactly, lady.

 

If you're gonna be top-heavy with a bag and sweater on top of six inch heels in the subway, hell yeah, you better stand in the center of the platform.

 

Obama. AC/DC. Together. Finally. For some reason. Now.

 

"Doug, since you're going to such an important meeting, you really should wear that nice suit. And we're not talking just one ponytail cinch. This is a big meeting, so wear two to really dress up."

 

Rome reople really rink rey ran ralk raround Rew Rork Rity ressed rike Raggy rom Rooby-Doo, rut rey are rerribly ristaken. Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!

 

 "Where's the other pink armadillo-and-radiator sock to match this pink armadillo-and-radiator sock? Fuck it, I'll wear black socks, but it won't look right."

Let's Smear Day-Old Guacamole All Over The EADJ Mail Sack!

(Photo is unrelated)

 

This from Matt S:


I am in the middle of a drawn out battle with a furniture retailer in NJ, and have been given the runaround and been lied to while my son sleeps on the floor because they can't deliver furniture, their only job requirement.

In addition to contacting the BBB and (no one knows this, Fox 5 and Channel 7) I've just made a tumblr blog about this.

http://cribcitymakeskidssleeponthefloor.tumblr.com/

Can you push this to your readers? I'd love for it to start making traction!

----------------


Thanks, Matt.

We feel for your son because of this travesty of customer disservice, but as a blog that mainly covers terrible movies and dick jokes, I gotta say this might not be the right forum for this issue to air.

Still, in our 6 year history, we have never turned a blind eye to an infant's troubles. Okay, maybe that once. But still, we're with you, Matt, and we'll share that link with both of our blog readers.


http://cribcitymakeskidssleeponthefloor.tumblr.com/

 

Matt, hope this makes up for that time we pantsed you at Busch Gardens that summer.

Questions That Come After "What The Fuck?" Upon Seeing The Latest Bebe Window Display

• Are they lost?
• Or are they just Amish chicks with very permissive parents?
• Do those models know how fucking stupid they look with a wagon?
• Is the one pulling her wallet out to pay the wagon driver?
• Is the one in the skirt itchy after the ride?
• Where are the horses? Are the models pulling the wagon now?
• If the models are pulling the wagon now, how do you dangle a carrot in front if them if they don't eat?
• Why does fashion photography make me so livid?
• Did two runway models open a Cracker Barrel in Soho?
• Is this stupid photo in the models' portfolio?
• Is this stupid photo in the photographer's portfolio?
• Is this considered a new car ad in West Virginia?
• Whose big idea was it to take an antique wagon to the Diddy Ciroc party at Cirque, anyway? We're totally going to be late now, Kim.
• Who farted?
• Is this some subliminal "women driver" joke?
• Did the photographer coach both of them to do "Blue Steel?"
• That one model touching the wagon wheel– does she realize she's touching cow dung?
• Again, what the fuck?

Curlzbiquitous.

(pictured above, proof that Lincoln Park sucks demon asshole)

20+ bonus points for including a silver Hummer in the crop.

F.

(pictured above, Matt Webb finds out he doesn't have a Starbucks job to fall back on)