The Lord Is My Pathmark, I Shall Not Reshelve

Fashion Week Comes Early

Spotted on July 4, this ensemble from the Ralph Lauren 2015 Summer Collection pays tribute to patriotism and terrible life choices.

Betsey Johnson and Emilio Pucci team up for this horrific Rainbow-Brite-going-to-Zumba-class look.

Spotted at the Sesame Place parade(!) in Langforde PA, this new line of revealing swimwear by Nancy Meyer makes your eyes scream for mercy and your erection apologize.

Givenchy launches this new style for metropolitans, which makes you look like your small dog got into your wardrobe and chewed your favorite sweater up so that it looks like you're wearing Skeletor's breast plate on your back.

Whether you're a college dandy from the 1910s or Ke$ha's boring midwestern sister, these new his & hers outfits by Balenciaga are sure to turn (dog) heads.

If you ever lose your bongo drum at a Subway, rest assured that this World Music three piece ensemble by Saint Laurent will announce to everyone that you're looking for it.

This peppy fluorescent number by Galls lets people know who's in charge, who's in control, and who is really running these streets.

When she's not pretending to speak British or eating healthy on welfare money, Gwyneth Paltrow likes to frequent loading docks in this casual ass-crack look by Gucci.

"Let your smile be your umbrella." This young chica took this advice to heart and braved the pouring rain last Friday, strutting her assets in this already-see through summer dress by Frederick's of Hollywood. You go girl!

UAG

UAG

Meanwhile At Pathmark, Or Attack Of The Coffee Cups

Will The Real Joel Thomas, Please Eat Dick?

Way back in EADJ Entry #300, we Googled "Joel Thomas" to see what picture came up. This did:


So now it's time to Google his name again and see what Joel Thomas wonders the Internet has in store for us:








Apparently, the Internet's getting better.

EADJ ProofrEADJer, February Edition

(This one submitted by Tom Weingard:)

A Full List of People Who Have Actually Refused To Have Their Dick Eaten By Joel

• John Forsythe, actor

• Ben Kweller, musician

• Salman Rushdie, author

• Berry Gordy, founder of Motown

• ZP Theart, lead singer of fantastic legendary rock group DragonForce

• Ziggy, fictional comic character

• Jake Johannsen, comedian

• Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State

• Bowzer, personality from the television program Sha Na Na

• Several members of The Geek Squad

• The Zodiac Killer

• Larry Page, co-founder of Google

A Quick Note For The Fine Folks at Istanbul

Hey Istanbul Dudes-

I've seen you used Photoshop to create some sort of clipping path around the food for your takeout menu. Since you had it open already, you know you could've changed the color balance so the meat didn't look so green, and those two things on the right wouldn't look so much like glistening turds.

Sincerely,
Matt G

From Dust To Dawn

(pictured above, a homophobic clean freak delivers some vigilante justice)

The Dickside Chats, Part Four (Entry #415)

In commemoration of the upcoming EADJ Entry #400, Eat A Dick Joel had asked Seattle reporter Andrew Gall to sit down and interview Joel himself on his views, nostrils, and general mitosis on this eponymous blog. This was part four of a very Yangtze, very camembert series:

Joel:... (continued from Friday's entry) Frankly, Susan, I'd love for EADJ to grow its readership beyond the bullshit list. And that's probably going to require me to become a famous screenwriter. I'm sorry, is this dick organic?


Andrew: Joel, you've talked in broad STROKES about the future. Let's get more specific. Where do you see EADJ 2 years from now? Are you thinking spinoff, you crafty screenwriter you? Is the world ready for "Chow a box, Tyler?"

Joel: I've got some ideas. For example, I think David needs to put weekly posts of his comic, Jarvis the sloth, on EADJ. (Seriously, David--start with the dead whale one.) In fact, I should compose a list of my favorite ones for him to post. "Joel's faves that aren't dick". See? Now it's relevant.

As for my Frasier to his Cheers, I'm thinking a good spinoff website would contain webisodes. I've been working on ideas. But I'll keep them hush-hush for now. The goal is something that can have the legs to expand into television or movie content, and the big dollars. If the webisodes just happen to involve David as a frottuer or coprophagiac, all the better. Vengeance will be mine, Tyler. He tasks me, and I will have him! I'll chase him round the moons of Nebula and round the Antares Maelstrom and round Perdition's flame before I give him up!

Andrew: What dreams may come Joel, what dreams may come. I'm tickled pink with excitement for the future. And that brings up a very salient issue here, Joel: it's been said in the past that you missed your opportunity to really trump EADJ with the famous Hindenburg-like disaster, the bill dow blog.
After all, it came before EADJ was birthed. What really happened there?

Joel: Yes, let's be clear, Alice. I was FIRST with the blog-as-slam. But I couldn't get MY site to load pictures. And then my beta was destroyed by the porn-tastic-ness of David's VHS (do you realize VHS outsold beta because beta forbade porn? true story). History is written by the victor. And so David does not masturbate to thoughts of Bill Dow, and I eat dick. If anyone can find my original website, I'll be eternally grateful. I can't remember what I called the damned thing. It's not davidsbiblepagesarestucktogether.blogspot.com. I checked that one.

(pictured above, Andrew's Dad poses for the next cover of Accountant's Weekly)

Let's Spit On the Outside Part of the EADJ Mail Sack Before Inserting Our Penis In It!

(pictured above, another submission by a not-busy-enough Vince)

Are You there Joel? It's Me, Dick.

Sorry for the lack of updates. It's been so busy at EADJ headquarters. It seems like we're stormchasers around here sometimes, except instead of a huge tornado, it's a 140 lb. blur of a man eating lots of serious cock.

Joel hit a career milestone today, eating his 7,000th dick. Spectators and well-wishers were there to help Joel celebrate the occasion, watching the big dick clock turn over from 6,999. Parade Magazine reporters were there to document the event and to make Joel the coverboy for the Feb. 18 issue. Joel is also going to appear in a swimsuit spread in Soldier of Fortune Magazine, holding three thongs in his mouth and a Faberge egg in his anus.

(pictured above, Gay Bears, the newest Western boy band on Fresh Jive Records, climb up the Gay Alternative charts with their hit "Your Love's Fermenting In My Taint.")