A Mini Special Entry

 Both featuring dreams by yours truly:

"Never Make a Defense or Apology Before You Are Pathmark."

 

Unintentional Exquisite Corpse

Spotted on reddit, a pair of thumbnails that create a creature with two heads and four legs:

So You Want To Get Into ________________

Hello, welcome to geekdom! I see you're interested in getting into a geeky franchise. How about Lord of the Rings? 

Yeah, looks a little daunting with four main books turned into six extended movies plus the extra Tolkien books and the new Amazon TV show. How about Star Wars, then?

Oh jeez. That's even more challenging, with like at least 10 feature films and multiple seasons of TV shows and a full-on library of both Canon and what's called "Legends" books. Say, how about Marvel?

Oh right. With a lifetime of comic books and over 69 hours of movies to watch (not even counting the multiple Disney+, ABC and Netflix shows), you'll never catch up. 

Say, how about just reading Ziggy comic strips, then?

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig,

This one doesn't make much sense, actually.

UAG

Yet Even More Mall Kiosks And What Their Attendants Are Probably Thinking

The following is what Mable at the Clock Faeces kiosk in Put-In-Bay, Ohio was thinking about:

• What time is it, really?

• Does anybody really know what time it is?

• Why did I just make a fucking old Chicago reference?

The following is what Terence at the Toy Orgasm kiosk in Jasper, Arkansas was thinking about:

• Where is my weed guy? He should be here.

• They were only referred to as "Sandpeople" in the movie, so why are they also called "Tusken Raiders?"

• "Tylenol" spelled backwards is "Lonely T." Whoa.

The following is what Chandra at the Smell Like You Mean It kiosk in Mount Dora, Florida was thinking about:

• Is it an STD if your poop burns, too?

• Why do old rich people assume I'm the goddamned concierge around here?

• I love bowling.

The following is what Hakim at the Plush It Real Good kiosk in La Conner, Washington was thinking about:

• It disheartens me that the reviews for the Dora the Explorer Live Show aren't very positive.

• I bet Mike Pence wears old fashioned matching pajamas, complete with a sleeping cap.

• Why does my butt crack look like Boba Fett?

The following is what Rex at the Currency Exchange kiosk in Greer, South Carolina was thinking about:

• I like to split open ravioli and eat it out like a small pussy.

• Why were the Thundercats's arch enemies mummies? Shouldn't they have been dogs?

• This mustache is hiding my herpes like a charm.

The following is what Gregg at the Perfumerie kiosk in Smyrna, Delaware was thinking about:

• Will Smith's son is faking it, isn't he?

• Would Loretta Lynn's career have been as successful if she had been born an insurance adjuster's daughter?

• When will that boomerang ever come back?

The following is what Keith at the Screen Savers kiosk in Kirkwood, Missouri was thinking about:

• I bet if this scab gets big enough, I could fling it like a frisbee.

• I regret sleeping with the babysitter. Especially since it was MY MOM.

• They need to make alcoholic Capri-Suns.

The following is what Walter at the Legging For Mercy kiosk in Hodgenville, Kentucky was thinking about:

• How come no customers ask ME to model these damn leggings?

• This erection has lasted about 2 hours. Do I call a doctor now or wait another hour?

• Man, whenever Raven Symone starts talking on "The View," I have to change the channel.

The following is what Frieda at the Inflated Sense of Worth kiosk in Leiper's Fork, Kentucky was thinking about:

• Barney Rubble is pretty sexy.

• I wonder why the sight of my husband's smile makes me want to murder him dead?

• I bet I could take on Kimbo Slice, even in his prime.

The following is what Dennis at the Faux Diamonds Are Faux Ever kiosk in Natick, Massachusetts was thinking about:

• If you died on a blimp, would you soul rise through the balloon part or go around it?

• Those red buzzers on "Family Feud" are probably filthy.

• Holy shit, I'm gay! I should totally divorce Chelsea tomorrow.

The ProofrEADJer: Almost Halloween Edition

This week: several people have trouble spelling "cashew:"

"Lights Up When Open?" Nice Try, Toys Я Us.

Pictured below, Marvel attempts to trick kids and comic book geeks into bathing.

EADJ Demerits

As the first semester enters its second month, we at EADJ would like to remind everyone that we've adopted the demerit system on this blog. And unfortunately, we have a lot of demerits to give out.

• 1 demerit to those Aamco or Maaco or whatever the fuck commercials where those people make irritating car noises with their mouths.

• 1 demerit to Josh Brolin for not starring in anything awesome in the past 3 months.

• 2 demerits to Gisele Bundchen for opening her stupid fucking mouth again.

• 1 demerit to the word "defibrillator" for being so hard to spell or pronounce.

• 3 demerits to Paul Shaffer for still doing that "pointing" move.


• 5 demerits to Green Giant Steamers for reminding me of poop with your name.

• 2 demerits to Carson Daly for his hosting duties on "The Voice" and reminding us that he has no musical talent or charisma.

• 3 demerits to Asplundh. You know what you did.

• 8 demerits to guys who leave gum in urinals

• 2 demerits to Joel for having filmed ONLY ONE CRISS ANGEL MINDFREAK TRICK.

• 4 demerits to Four Square for not making me Mayor of Jiffy Lube #425 in Newark.

• 848 demerits to Bobby Brown.

• 3 demerits to Maybelline (no reason given)

• 2 demerits to that recent Tron movie for not being better.

• 7 demerits to my bladder for making me tinkle when I farted just then.

BAM! KAPOW! PIFF!

Spotted in the Entertainment Earth catalog (don't judge), a pair of Bat-Cuffs that aren't authentic enough:



Would-be bat vigilantes are advised that attempting to use these to apprehend the Joker's goons will result in pretty quick death.

And kinky Catwoman S&M fetishists will find that they aren't totally in control of the situation after all. Rwaoooor!

Men who wish to dress up as Robin are asked to put on some goddamned pants, for crying out loud. Jesus.

Let's Ask the EADJ Mail Sack To Speak To Their Manager!

Submitted by Bill Dow: "Awesome."

A Full List of People Who Have Actually Refused To Have Their Dick Eaten By Joel

• John Forsythe, actor

• Ben Kweller, musician

• Salman Rushdie, author

• Berry Gordy, founder of Motown

• ZP Theart, lead singer of fantastic legendary rock group DragonForce

• Ziggy, fictional comic character

• Jake Johannsen, comedian

• Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State

• Bowzer, personality from the television program Sha Na Na

• Several members of The Geek Squad

• The Zodiac Killer

• Larry Page, co-founder of Google