Doppelgänger Time!

Alternate Universe John Reid measures twice, cuts once.

Alt-Ayana is annoyed that she's halfway on a shelf.

Multiversal Marshall already seems bored with this universe and wants to go home.

The ProofrEADJer: Mid-January Edition

HENNY PENNY?!

HENNY PENNY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!???!

ARE YOU EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH, HENNY PENNY??!!! JESUS FUCKING SHIT!!!!

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD WHY HENNY PENNY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

An Imagined Conversation.

"Hello, Streetwise Promotions?"
"Hi, I'd like to complain about the posters you guys made for my January concert?"
"Yes, what is the problem?"
"Well, you spelled my name right. My name is Fabolous. You guys spelled it 'Fabulous,' like the real word."
"Okay. How is that a problem that we spelled it right, sir?"
"The problem is that I intentionally spell it wrong, but you guys didn't spell it wrong like I like, so it's spelled all right now."
"Right. So how is that a problem?"
"My name is FabOlous. You spelled it FabUlous."
"Well sir, our designers put all of the words in the poster layouts through spell-check, so I'm sure there is no mistake."
"(Groans) Spell-check. Right. Yeah, my name is spelled wrong, so of course it will correct it. Listen, I've spent a lot of time and money building my rapper name, and although I initially spelled it wrong like an idiot, I have stuck to it to build on its equity. So you as a promoter should respect that my name should always be spelled wrong."
"So you want us to redo your posters so that they're spelled wrong, is that what you're saying?"
"Yes, please."
"I don't know what else I can do for you, Mr. Fabulous. We've had lots of happy clients whose posters we've made: Boys To Men, Ludicrous, Wrecks In Effect, Sierra, Soldier Boy Tell Them, and Business Marquee, to name a few."
*click*

Joel Reviews New DVD Releases Whilst Eating Dick

This week: "Eragon" starring Ed Speleers, John Malkovich, & Jeremy Irons. 1 hr 44 mins. Rated PG.

Well, the first thing that struck me about this movie was its obvious influences by big epic fantasies like the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy and the recent film "Reign of Fire."

Ed Speleers plays Eragon, who gloph uph meph theph gah oph fuh oph meph (gulp) eph thah ath heph ahh gahh fahh oahh aahh muphh muhhh muhh phoh ahh kaagghh.

Ahh gaahhhh, fahah? Thaah naahh goohh shohhhh fohhh (gulp).


Buh bah haughh hah huh gah phlehh dragahhh ahh sehhhh...such huge balls... gahhhh gahhh hahhh teh froahhh (gag) fehhh sheeuhh (gulp) tahhh dahhh ahhh ohhh oohhh tehhhh. Sheehhh nahhhh poohhh nohh hoh fehh shehh nuhh dragohhhhzhhh.

Grahh fahh hahhgahh noohh stehhh DVD gahhh transfehhh... so meaty... hughhh ghhhh fghhhh kaaakhhhh (gag) *cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough* hashhh thehhh frahhhh fahhhh buhh tuhh gerrghhhhh jushhhh frahhh thethhhh sahhhhh shehhh nahhhh.

Buuuhhahh hahahh ahhhshh drehhh puuhhh (choke) rehhh nuhhh ferrhhhh shehhh... (deep breath) stuhhh hunnnhhhh guhhh fuuhhh Ed Speleers hehhh verhhh sheehhhhh turhrhhh turhhh turhhhh gakk.

Joel's Movie Rating: ****
Joel's Transfer Rating: ***
Joel's Extras Rating: **

Are You there Joel? It's Me, Dick.

Sorry for the lack of updates. It's been so busy at EADJ headquarters. It seems like we're stormchasers around here sometimes, except instead of a huge tornado, it's a 140 lb. blur of a man eating lots of serious cock.

Joel hit a career milestone today, eating his 7,000th dick. Spectators and well-wishers were there to help Joel celebrate the occasion, watching the big dick clock turn over from 6,999. Parade Magazine reporters were there to document the event and to make Joel the coverboy for the Feb. 18 issue. Joel is also going to appear in a swimsuit spread in Soldier of Fortune Magazine, holding three thongs in his mouth and a Faberge egg in his anus.

(pictured above, Gay Bears, the newest Western boy band on Fresh Jive Records, climb up the Gay Alternative charts with their hit "Your Love's Fermenting In My Taint.")