Will The Real Joel Thomas, Please Eat Dick?

Way back in EADJ Entry #300, we Googled "Joel Thomas" to see what picture came up. This did:


So now it's time to Google his name again and see what Joel Thomas wonders the Internet has in store for us:








Apparently, the Internet's getting better.

Go Go Go, Anti-Pun Force X!

"Hurry Red X, Blue X, and Green X, we waste no time to go!"
"Roger that, Black X! Must hurry to fight! ASSEMBLE TEAM!"
"ASSEMBLE TOGETHER!"
"ALL MEMBERS FIGHT PUNS GO NOW!"

(Anti-Pun Force X Theme Song)
They span the globe, Anti-Pun Force X!
They find the puns, Anti-Pun Force X!
They will rescue you, Anti-Pun Force X!
Until they won't stop, Anti-Pun Force X!


"Black X, Pink X here. I have identified a vintage LP record title!"
"Scanning... Stand down, Pink X. The pun is mild and not dangerous enough to pose a threat. Rejoin formation!"


"Gold X here. I have received three transmissions from a Larry K via cell phone camera. The three images are a little blurry, but I see pun activity underground!"




"Those are pretty awful, Gold X! It looks like part of some larger campaign of puns! Deploy underground anti-pun missile ordnance rockets!"
"Deploying!"
"Pink X here! I have detected my own transmission from a Beth Stone in the same city!"


"'Make her thorny?!' Why, the entire city is under siege! Prepare the robo-lasers and superthrust sensor mines! Scatter throughout the city and report back!"
"Ho!"
"Ho!"
"Ho!"


"There are so many ads, Black X! So many to resist! My thrusters are overheating, must eject from my mech before meltdown!"
"That is a negative, Mauve X! Stay on target and take each target down!"


"Backup systems are failing! Switching to manual override!"
"Do NOT abandon your posts!"


"Most of the city is under control now, Black X!"
"Good work, Periwinkle X! You and Burnt Umber X join me when you're done. I've got a special Internet mission for us!"
"On our way, sir!"


"'BarackBerry.' These Internet headline puns are terrible, sir!"
"That's right. It's because the writers think just because they don't make it in print, that they can disperse these terrible puns without consequence."
"LOOK OUT, SIR!"


"Holy sparklers, Periwinkle X. I dodged that terrible pun in the nick of time. My armor has been compromised. You and Burnt Umber X report back to base, I'll take care of this one myself..."

TO BE CONTINUED....?

(Anti-Pun Force X Theme Song)

The EADJ Crappinema Presents: Somewhere Tomorrow

Some movies, just by being bad, are a waste of time. But it's pretty unforgivable when a movie intentionally wastes your time. Somewhere Tomorrow is guilty of setting up a storyline, leading you down it, then pulling a switcheroo on you, all to be able to say "Hey! GOTCHA Sport!" then popping its collar and doing the two-handed point click. Director Robert Wiemer masterfully weaves not one, but TWO plot twists into this film, leaving the viewer feeling cheated and gassy. I've never understood the allure of Sarah Jessica Parker to begin with, but after seeing this horribleness, I think I might stop watching anything Matthew Broderick is in now. Wassup now, bitch?




The following is verbatim dialogue for this scene:

Mother: She was real close to her father. Doug had to work long, hard hours, but he always managed to find time for Lori. He just loved her..,just loved her so much.




Doctor: Did this thing start happening, when? At the time of his death?








Mother: I don't know. Maybe it started then...

The Doctor watches her.





(sobs) Listen, I just want to be in there with her!







Doctor: Betty, we have to talk about this. I have a problem, and I don't know how to deal with this. I've got a little girl in there who took a spill off a horse and got a bump on the head. A mild concussion, nothing more. Yet she refuses to wake up.



Doctor: A perfectly healthy 16-year old girl. Who I think wants to die. You've got to help me reach her.

Father: Betty...

Mother: It's all so crazy, I just... I don't know where to start?















The following is verbatim dialogue for this scene:


Sarah Jessica Parker: Polly!


Dude in Blue Shirt: My God, it's a horse!




Sarah Jessica Parker: Polly? Polly! Polly? Polly? Polly is that you?

Dude in Blue Shirt emerges from the woods on the horse.





Sarah Jessica Parker: Polly!


Dude in Blue Shirt: How'd you know her name?





Sarah Jessica Parker: It's you! You're alright!


Dude in Blue Shirt: I guess so, who are you?



Sarah Jessica Parker: I saw your plane go down. I found you and your friend.

Dude in Blue Shirt: The plane, where is it?? Where's Paul, my friend?

Exeunt