Let's Cede All Political Power To The EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Andrew, who just moved into a Chicago apartment with his wife. Some items left by the previous tenants:

"special move-in welcome dicks"

An IM Convo

The Dickside Chats, Part Five (Final Installment)

In commemoration of the upcoming EADJ Entry #400, Eat A Dick Joel had asked Seattle reporter Andrew Gall to sit down and interview Joel himself on his ruminations, porridge, and general pterodactyls on this eponymous blog. This was part five– and the final installment– of a very Shuwetty, very palindromic series:

Joel: (continued from the part four) If anyone can find my original website, I'll be eternally grateful. I can't remember what I called the damned thing. It's not davidsbiblepagesarestucktogether.blogspot.com. I checked that one.

Andrew: Don't get testy there, Joelenator. I know you were the first. And I believe I was the one who brought to attention actual text from the page, and I quote: "yeah yeah David oh yeah." For goodness sakes, if we could only locate this decaying corpse of a blog and resurrect it. I'd give my left ring finger for that. Alright Joel, you've been a pretty good sport with this whole thing. Let's do some word association to close things out, shall we? I'll say a word, then you say the first thing that comes to your mind. Ready? Go.

Dick.

Joel: David.

Andrew: Chad Yarbrough.

Joel: amuse bouche

Andrew: Tyanna.

Joel: Dick in Russian?

Andrew: Watch.

Joel: Noel's amuse bouche?

Andrew: Walrus.

Joel: Cock ooh ka chew?

Andrew: Farts.

Joel: Get away from my food?

Andrew: Frats.

Joel: The lack of vagina is nice though. Like a chinese food place with no MSG.

Andrew: Cam'ron.

Joel: ar' you trying to be a pirat'?

Andrew: Freaknik.

Joel: I lived in atlanta. Good times. Good times.

(pictured above, Andrew's Dad fashions a comfortable safety belt strap from a golf towel as he drives through rugged and hilly Nebraska)

The Dickside Chats, Part Four (Entry #415)

In commemoration of the upcoming EADJ Entry #400, Eat A Dick Joel had asked Seattle reporter Andrew Gall to sit down and interview Joel himself on his views, nostrils, and general mitosis on this eponymous blog. This was part four of a very Yangtze, very camembert series:

Joel:... (continued from Friday's entry) Frankly, Susan, I'd love for EADJ to grow its readership beyond the bullshit list. And that's probably going to require me to become a famous screenwriter. I'm sorry, is this dick organic?


Andrew: Joel, you've talked in broad STROKES about the future. Let's get more specific. Where do you see EADJ 2 years from now? Are you thinking spinoff, you crafty screenwriter you? Is the world ready for "Chow a box, Tyler?"

Joel: I've got some ideas. For example, I think David needs to put weekly posts of his comic, Jarvis the sloth, on EADJ. (Seriously, David--start with the dead whale one.) In fact, I should compose a list of my favorite ones for him to post. "Joel's faves that aren't dick". See? Now it's relevant.

As for my Frasier to his Cheers, I'm thinking a good spinoff website would contain webisodes. I've been working on ideas. But I'll keep them hush-hush for now. The goal is something that can have the legs to expand into television or movie content, and the big dollars. If the webisodes just happen to involve David as a frottuer or coprophagiac, all the better. Vengeance will be mine, Tyler. He tasks me, and I will have him! I'll chase him round the moons of Nebula and round the Antares Maelstrom and round Perdition's flame before I give him up!

Andrew: What dreams may come Joel, what dreams may come. I'm tickled pink with excitement for the future. And that brings up a very salient issue here, Joel: it's been said in the past that you missed your opportunity to really trump EADJ with the famous Hindenburg-like disaster, the bill dow blog.
After all, it came before EADJ was birthed. What really happened there?

Joel: Yes, let's be clear, Alice. I was FIRST with the blog-as-slam. But I couldn't get MY site to load pictures. And then my beta was destroyed by the porn-tastic-ness of David's VHS (do you realize VHS outsold beta because beta forbade porn? true story). History is written by the victor. And so David does not masturbate to thoughts of Bill Dow, and I eat dick. If anyone can find my original website, I'll be eternally grateful. I can't remember what I called the damned thing. It's not davidsbiblepagesarestucktogether.blogspot.com. I checked that one.

(pictured above, Andrew's Dad poses for the next cover of Accountant's Weekly)

The Dickside Chats, Part Three (Entry #398)

In commemoration of the upcoming EADJ Entry #400, Eat A Dick Joel has asked Seattle reporter Andrew Gall to sit down and interview Joel himself on his views, balls, and general kung fu stances on this eponymous blog. This is part two of a very homestyle, very mellifluous series:

Joel:... (continued from Friday's entry) Let's keep this light. No more political questions.

Andrew: (Passing Joel bowl of dick) Point taken. Besides, the opinions of those who chomp cock are pretty much nonpartisan by default, yes? Thought so. Anyhoosies, there's been something on my mind for a little while now, and it's only grown more glaring in recent weeks, following the sink jerking developments. How does the bullshit list fit in with EADJ? Are they two circles that intersect? How do you see this playing out?

Joel: Frankly, Susan, I'd love for EADJ to grow its readership beyond the bullshit list. And that's probably going to require me to become a famous screenwriter. I'm sorry, is this dick organic?

(pictured above, a high angle spares us a shot of Andrew's Dad's balls; Andrew's Dad shows us a sock)