The ProofrEADJer: Early September Edition

Top Things To Say While You're In One of Those Soundproof Office Privacy Pods

"You exploitive, capitalistic fuckers can eat my shit."

"I'm sending you via WeTransfer all of the confidential financial records of this company along with the bank account numbers of each of its employees and a copy of compromising videos of the CEO, CFO and board of trustees."

"You should see my office, Mom. It's a corner office with a great view."

"Fuck you, Kathy. You think you're better than me because you're tight with the office manager, Kathy? FUCK YOU."

"No, this is a great time to do the Zoom job interview. What's up?"

UAG

A Foodstuff Experiment

Not to be outdone by 5 Hour Energy Drink, some random no-name company decided to come out with 6-Hour Energy Cookie. This makes sense because huh?

So what do I do? Naturally, I buy one like an idjit.

So I ate the cookie at 9:45 and will check in later at quarter to three to let you know if this morning cookie got me pumped all day like a red bu... sorry. Like a red rhino. *rolls eyes*

Shit's nasty, btw.

**UPDATE:**  My math sucks. I meant quarter to four, not three. And although I haven't felt "charged" in the last 6 hours, I haven't fallen asleep on my ass, either.

Overall grade: F

The EADJ Crappinema Proudly Presents Dead Awake

Hoo-boy. Now, I have watched some shitty movies for the EADJ Crappinema before, but this marks the first time I ever watched one of these turds TWICE. The reason for this being that I had the entire write-up for "Dead Awake" ready to go, but I lost my iPod during my commute, and all of the files for that write-up were stored on it. So I took a second bullet for you motherfuckers and watched the dang thing again, taking screenshots and adding my pithy comments, all from square one.

I never recovered that iPod, by the way. Too bad. It had all my Maroon 5 music on it.












The following is the dialogue lifted verbatim from this scene:




Old Man: (indicating yo-yo) He never puts that bloody thing down.





Nick Stahl: It's a sentimental thing. A yo-yo almost always comes back to you… reminds me of the mistakes I've made.




Old Man: Mistakes. We all make mistakes.






Nick Stahl: There's a difference between mistakes and… regrets.





(Old Woman smiles and put her hand on Nick Stahl's arm. Nick Stahl notices her Claddagh ring.)




Old Woman: Decko gave me that. The hands are for friendship, the heart is for love, and the crown is for loyalty.




Nick Stahl: Someone close to me had the same ring. (sighs) And if the heart is pointed inward, it means your heart is taken.




(Old Woman makes kissy face to Old Man.)






Old Man: Shite. They'd better go get me Viagra.















































Overall Grade: F

To help wash out the bad taste from watching this horrible movie TWICE, here is Rose McGowan in her prime: