Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Periodically, Hulu renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Hulu's schedule this month:

• We Retell the Classics With Emojis Because The Kids Seem To Like It

• Baron Tumid & Lady Clenched

• Game Show: Guess Our WiFi Password!

• An 8 Hour Fully-Restored and Remastered Documentary on Candlebox

• Dingaling Hygiene

• Jake Crackity's News Quarter Hour

Here are the shows and movies that Hulu is removing this month:

• Nothing But Podcast Program Notes

• Napkin Folding Documentary by a Clearly Schizophrenic Woman

• The 2021 Gender-Swapped Porky's

• Some Pawn Shop Scumbags Ripping Off Old People

• Drag Queen Ninja Course Challenge

• 4 Hours of Footage of Divorced Men Trying To Assemble IKEA Furniture

• Cock! The Making of the Smash Hit Musical

A Short List of Things Millennials Don't Get/Understand/Care About

Everybody says that Millennials are our future. That they're the ones to be marketed to now, so we should begin to understand what they care about and what they don't know. So whatever, here is a short list of things that Millennials don't know or understand:

• Currency: what are these coins and paper pieces? Boring!

• Writing in cursive: who writes anymore? And why are those letters connected?

• "The Dukes of Hazzard:" Was that the Jessica Simpson movie?

• Eating without taking fucking pictures of it with your fucking phone: Huh?

• Keeping family drama private: But I want to share with social media how much a dick my Mom is!

• Software on discs: Is that a band?

• Not writing in emojis to make a coherent sentence: --------------

• Camelot Music Stores: Now you're talking alien language, right?

• General knowledge without using Google or Siri: (sad kitty cat emoji wearing a viking helmet)

Fuck you, you movie theatre-texting, selfie-taking, non-social-skills-having shitheads!

The ProofrEADJer: July Editionne

Coming Soon To The EADJ Crappinema: "Texas Rangers," Starring James Van Der Beek, Dylan McDermott, Usher, Ashton Kutcher, and K-Mart $5.00

A pussy from a 90's show. A hunkier pussy from "The Practice." An R&B crooner who probably still rakes in the pussy. And someone who used to tag some seriously older pussy but who is now hitting some amazingly hot and young and apparently very cool pussy. And Rachel Leigh Cook, who was in  "Josie and the Pussycats."

All wearing cowboy hats and bandoliers like they're taking family photos at Kings Dominion. For two hours.

Coming soon, Jack.

UAG

UAG

A Special Message From His Holiness, Swami Yaro

Wassup bitches!

A most holy and heartfelt greeting to everyone in this blessed Hai Komanci season.

Hai Komanci is a time for meditation, fasting, and checking out 50 Cent's new album, "Before I Self Destruct," featuring "Baby By Me (featuring Ne-Yo)." Darker and harder than his last two releases, the album is a return to the roots and feel of 50 Cent's debut album, 2003's `Get Rich Or Die Trying', which went on to sell 12 million copies worldwide. On top of that, the Deluxe CD/DVD edition includes a bonus DVD that contains a full length feature film of the same name.

Personally, I'm glad 50 finally walked away from the auto-tuned synth vocals and went back to the sing-song rapping that made him famous. I believe in the spirituality of the universe, and that universe punished his album "Curtis" because it relied too much on chart-ready vocals and guest appearances that diluted his raw delivery.

On track 7, "Crime Wave," he asserts his street knowledge and rhyme genius with the verse:

Pistol pop, drop the top, burn baby burn
Revolvers spin' again and again and niggas never learn
Got an itchy itchy, itchy itchy trigger finger, nigga
So if you hit me then you get me.. I'll be back to get ya
Man, I might bring the homies, that's necessary
See, you might not be worried, but I think you should worry
the bullets come in flurries.. they sting, you know you buried
yeah! I do away with 9 niggas in 9 days
my 9 sprays, wish it, don't go my way
hold it sideways.. fuck around, cause a crime wave

Again, a blessed Hai Komanci season to you and your family.

Well, Those Are Big.

Spotted in Starbucks this afternoon: a girl wearing the most gigantic sunglasses in the world.

This Week In Surprising Hostility

"The Jonas Brothers can suck my ass."

–J'Net, while watching The Teen Choice Awards(?) on Monday night