Questions That Come After "What The Fuck?" Upon Seeing The Latest Bebe Window Display

• Are they lost?
• Or are they just Amish chicks with very permissive parents?
• Do those models know how fucking stupid they look with a wagon?
• Is the one pulling her wallet out to pay the wagon driver?
• Is the one in the skirt itchy after the ride?
• Where are the horses? Are the models pulling the wagon now?
• If the models are pulling the wagon now, how do you dangle a carrot in front if them if they don't eat?
• Why does fashion photography make me so livid?
• Did two runway models open a Cracker Barrel in Soho?
• Is this stupid photo in the models' portfolio?
• Is this stupid photo in the photographer's portfolio?
• Is this considered a new car ad in West Virginia?
• Whose big idea was it to take an antique wagon to the Diddy Ciroc party at Cirque, anyway? We're totally going to be late now, Kim.
• Who farted?
• Is this some subliminal "women driver" joke?
• Did the photographer coach both of them to do "Blue Steel?"
• That one model touching the wagon wheel– does she realize she's touching cow dung?
• Again, what the fuck?

A Cry For Help

Pictured above, if you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can hang a painting of Mr. T out of your office window without your boss knowing, maybe you can hire– the A-Team.

Somebody At Old Bridge Deli is Fucking With Me.

In a December entry, EADJ revealed that along with all the other toys that had been purged in "The Great Purge," some native figurines had also disappeared from the Old Bridge Deli fountain.

This visual from the December entry tracks the disappearance of two "nativity figures:"


But months and months later, we discovered that two of the indigenous figures had been RETURNED to their little manger-hut thing. This photo was taken June 15:


Now, after consulting the boys in the EADJ Think Tank®, we have come up with four possible scenarios to explain why they would return:

SCENARIO ONE: The two figures were being cleaned by a Chinese figurine cleaning specialist, Wang Tzu-sung (yes, the same Wang Tzu-sung who plays shortstop for Uni-President Lions of Chinese Professional Baseball League). Due to his hectic baseball schedule (which he pronounces "sheh-jool" like the English do), Wang Tzu-sung has taken longer than usual to clean the mold, dust, and water stains from the figures.


SCENARIO TWO: Some asshole at Old Bridge Deli knows about this blog and reads it regularly to see if we post his manipulations. Well, we're talking to YOU now, Old Bridge employee! You think this is some kind of sick chess game, with your Chinese figurines as playing pieces on that chess board that you call a fountain? Well, CHECKMATE, my brother! The game is afoot, and your ass is aplomb! (Yeah, that didn't make any sense.)

SCENARIO THREE: Skynet, a self-aware network of supercomputers, has launched two shapeshifting cyborgs, or "Terminators," back in time to kill a young Basil Connor, beloved cousin of John Connor, the future leader of the human resistance. The reason why the machines would go through all the trouble to kill a cousin of John Connor or why the Terminators have chosen to take the shape of two chintzy Chinese figurines remains unclear, but when you think about it, most of the last few movies don't make a lick of sense anyway. Directed by McG. Rated R.

SCENARIO FOUR: I'm losing my mind.