In a December
entry, EADJ revealed that along with all the other toys that had been purged in "The Great Purge," some native figurines had also disappeared from the Old Bridge Deli fountain.
This visual from the December entry tracks the disappearance of two "nativity figures:"
But months and months later, we discovered that two of the indigenous figures had been RETURNED to their little manger-hut thing. This photo was taken June 15:
Now, after consulting the boys in the EADJ Think Tank®, we have come up with four possible scenarios to explain why they would return:
SCENARIO ONE: The two figures were being cleaned by a Chinese figurine cleaning specialist, Wang Tzu-sung (yes, the same Wang Tzu-sung who plays shortstop for Uni-President Lions of Chinese Professional Baseball League). Due to his hectic baseball schedule (which he pronounces "sheh-jool" like the English do), Wang Tzu-sung has taken longer than usual to clean the mold, dust, and water stains from the figures.
SCENARIO TWO: Some asshole at Old Bridge Deli knows about this blog and reads it regularly to see if we post his manipulations. Well, we're talking to YOU now, Old Bridge employee! You think this is some kind of sick chess game, with your Chinese figurines as playing pieces on that chess board that you call a fountain? Well, CHECKMATE, my brother! The game is afoot, and your ass is aplomb! (Yeah, that didn't make any sense.)
SCENARIO THREE: Skynet, a self-aware network of supercomputers, has launched two shapeshifting cyborgs, or "Terminators," back in time to kill a young Basil Connor, beloved cousin of John Connor, the future leader of the human resistance. The reason why the machines would go through all the trouble to kill a cousin of John Connor or why the Terminators have chosen to take the shape of two chintzy Chinese figurines remains unclear, but when you think about it, most of the last few movies don't make a lick of sense anyway. Directed by McG. Rated R.
SCENARIO FOUR: I'm losing my mind.
