UAG

Fiverr Screamer DELIVERS!

Still reeling from the disappointment of Fiverr user Foswaldo's rejection of my request to write an EADJ blog post, I used my credits to order a death metal logo and I even hired this gentleman to scream the lyrics "EAT A DICK JOEL" for 5 bucks. And guess what? He delivered this morning!

Here is him screaming "EAT A DICK JOEL". At least I think it is.

And here is the song I had him scream over. His vocals being at 2:02



And just for yuks, I got him to scream "THANKS FOR NOTHING, FOSWALDO" over a music track of my choice:



HOLY SHIT I LOVE FIVERR NOW 😀😀😀😀

And Fiverr user ethansmith_ is a great guy. Thank you!

Stupid Is As Stupid Swims

More unnecessary taglines for a movie that only three people probably watched.

The ProofrEADJer, End-Of-April Edition

A still from the very excellent web series "High Maintenance:"

And, from ahem... an adult website...

Some Episode Summaries For TV Shows I Don't Watch

The following are completely fabricated episode descriptions based on 100% guesstimation and the magic of the imagination:

2 Broke Girls

Season 3 Episode 4

"Guano"

Because of a shipping error, a kilogram of bat guano arrives at the diner instead of pancake mix. Kelly and Josie are given 2 hours by their boss to get rid the huge bag of guano. But how???!!

The Big Bang Theory

Season 6 Episode 12

"Redshirts"

Sheldon joins a trivia competition only to discover it's a sports trivia challenge. Mookie and Wilbur do their best to find enough money for some rare Spider-Man bookends. Sexy Marsha tries to get one of the boys to go lingerie shopping with her without them blowing a load in their corduroys.

Game of Thrones

Season 4 Episode 2

"Die Hachveit"

Westernos is confronted by Duke Illich and his horde of cavedwelling man-apes. Kurr claims victory by slaying the House of Dryllys, but not before betraying Cullwhën by proposing to her sister, the next in line for the whatever whatever read the diagram.

Homeland

Season 4 Episode 16

"Not Nearly Enough"

Tamara (Claire Danes) suspects that her husband Elliot knows that she suspects that he's not entirely truthful about going to the convenience store to "just get eggs," when she discovers they ALREADY HAVE EGGS IN THE REFRIGERATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Person of Interest

Season 3 Episode 20

"1.56.322.6222.9.00"

Branford (James Caviezel) is given the key to a suspected terrorist's lovely brownstone building. Agent Wycke (Michael Emerson) pretends to want to talk him out of the mission but is secretly sent him to do his bidding. Senator Ellison (Taraji Henson) steps in to abort the mission, but is she too late?

Blacklist

Season 45 Episode 38

"Switcherooni"

The convicted felon genius Hargrove (James Spader) reveals he still wets the bed, which causes Detective Megan Boone (Megan Boone) to wonder if rumors that he is a federal agent in disguise are true... Meanwhile Duckie attempts to ask Andie to the prom since Blane hadn't asked her yet. Do you get the reference.

I don't know about you, but that bat guano episode looked pretty good.

As The Retinas Burn

Yvette's Bridal Formal is currently a link on the EADJ sidebar, and holy fuck, is it one hideous website:


Here are some IM responses from people:

Ranee


Joanne


Bill Dow


Tom


J'Net

Introducing: Sublime Nonsense

EADJ is proud to announce the premiere of Larry K's foray into web comics!

(click to enlarge)

"I've wanted to convert the stupidity I see (and/or say) into a comic strip forever," Larry said. Word has it that Dreamworks has already started developing this one comic strip into a 3 hour feature film, to be released in November. Good job, Larry!

Jerald and Why He Prevails.

Sometime last week we had mentioned receiving a message from Jerald via the WAYN (now pronounced way in) website. And in order for Jerald to send me a message, he had to have seen my profile photo:


But rather than get snippy or huffy about the photo, he sent a LOL, a :), and a "Dooooooode that's a funny photo man!" He then proceeded to make plans for our next outing next month which will include playing pool and foosball. Motherfucking class act. He really is "the Man."

Stay tuned for our next awesome EADJ/Jerald outing in August!

Some People Wait All Their Lives To Have This In Their In Box:

More on the message's contents later.

Yes. He Prevailed.

“There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction.”
-Salvador Dali



Wow. So much to process. So much to take in. It's really difficult to go point-by-point of the experience that it was to meet Jerald for lunch on Saturday. Tom & I have yet to talk about it afterwards. Maybe because that would somehow spoil our individual takes on the encounter. Suffice it to say it was epic. It was moving. It was everything we had anticipated and hoped for. It was probably better than "The Dark Knight."




We dumbly scheduled the lunch at noon at Loreley, even though the place doesn't open up until 1pm on Monday. So Jerald graciously invited us to hang at his place, where we got to know a little more about 'the Man.'

• He's a freelance fashion designer
• He doesn't pop his collar every day (maybe only for special occasions?)
• His roommate Justin couldn't join us because he went mountain biking at the last minute (which I thought was a little rude)
• He's big into jazz and has been playing the saxophone for a few years. Most notable jazz idols: Thelonious Monk, Coltrane, and Miles Davis
• He's a good host

He then showed us the rooftop to his building, which was a revelation in regards to the infamous photo.














So we finally got to the end of the meal (final bill, $130 but SO WORTH IT). Satisfied with the mystery of the photo being solved, Tom and I bid Jerald adieu and went back to our boring non-Jerald lives. Final verdict: Jerald is a totally cool guy who just happened to take the most random photo we had ever seen. Plus he promises to update his WAYN profile to include Canada and France, two countries he indeed has visited. And one other thing: he pronounces the website "Way In." That's awesome.

AND THE COUNTDOWN CONTINUES!!!

“When things mean a very great deal to you, exciting anticipation just isn't safe.”

-Dodie Smith

As we enter our sub-five days into the Jerald Lunch countdown, it's important to remember how long it's been since we first discovered 'the Man.' It was Thursday, January 10th that Tom Weingard first noticed a bizarre email from WAYN.com. Tom had mistakenly remembered his name as Jerald Williams, when in fact it was JERALD JOHNSON. And it is this very same Jerald Johnson who is going to have lunch with us at Loreley in Manhattan on Saturday at noon. My, how far we've come...

EADJ NEWS REPORT: WE HAVE CONTACT!!!

(AP) Two EADJ agents received a communication via email at 12:09 pm Eastern Time (ET) from who appears to be Jerald Johnson himself. This was the message (some names have been xxx'd out for their protection) :

----------

David,

The Legend Lives. I cooked Knockwurst, Saurerkruat, and Potatoes a few days ago.

A buddy name Lxxxxx told me about WAYN (where are you now) and I believe other friends including Pastor Xxxxx Xxxxx are a part of this. Its a website for those like me who travel and want to know more information about the places we are traveling to.

Free lunch sounds good!

Regards,
Jerald


-----Original Message-----
From: David Estoye
To: Tom Weingard ; Justin Hxxxxx
Cc: Txxxxx ; Jerald Johnson
Sent: Wed, 25 Jun 2008 11:20 am
Subject: Re: Jerald found!

Where can we get bratwursts and Kronenberg?

----------

Electronic handwriting analysts and IT specialists are currently checking the authenticity of this letter, since it could be some sort of prank or joke which would break our hearts. Stay tuned for the latest developments to EADJ, America's #1 source for Jerald news and updates.

Scanning For Jerald...

Tom sent the following email (and photo) to a group of friends of his today:


Hey guys, sorry for the mass email, but does this dude (Jerald Williams!) go to our church? Moreover, does he even exist? I've gotten a bunch of SPAMmish emails from him through this mailing list, all wanting me to join the WAYN social network. Because if he does exist, I want to personally congratulate him for his fine posing skillz. He has become a sort of folk hero at my office.

Best,
Tom.

P.S. Jerald Williams will prevail.

----------------

Unfortunately, only after he sent it did he realize the guy's name is Jerald JOHNSON, not Williams. No word on whether this will hinder or help the search for Jerald.

In related WAYN news, David has received multiple emails from WAYN members, none of which, unfortunately, are from "the Man."


A random message from a "Nicole Anderson" or a "Debby (sic) Jones" is somewhat believable, but "Angelina Jolly?" Now that's SPAM.

Jerald Controversy, Part II

In response to Tom's bristling remark from the previous entry, Andrew admitted that taking a Jerald tribute photo was indeed more difficult to pull off. He mentioned that last weekend, he had actually attempted to take one but broke a glass candle holder in the process:
"Yep. Sat my camera on it to try to take a timer photo."

Tom's response:
"It's karma. The universe will not allow Jerald's image to be duplicated haphazardly."

In related Jerald Johnson news, since posting my tribute photo on my WAYN profile page, three people have viewed it!


Tragically, none of them were Jerald himself.


Stay tuned for more news on this extremely important, infinitely fresh subject.