Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"Goo goo fuck you."

"Well, Karla, I guess you reap what you sow... in bed."

"Can a Roomba do this?" *takes top off*

"A classic tale of Girl Meets Poi"

"Okay, okay, I confess, Christine. I'm a professional clown. I dress up goofy and spray people in the face with a fake flower. I wear comically oversized shoes and pretend to slip on banana peels that aren't there. I ride around with 60 other clowns in a Mazda Miata, and yes, I do throw pies in people's faces and yes, I can sculpt literally anything out of long, squeaky balloons, but I do know this... I know that I am falling in love with you."

"Well, call me a triceratops, because I'm definitely horny!"

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Step right up, three tries for a dollar! Drop a rose petal in the cleavage, win a giant teddy bear!

The real reason the Swedish Chef had "real" hands.

There was a time that Ice Cube could give good "hard" look. Now he just looks constipated.

And Joel Ortiz is in the stall right next to Cube.

Shut Da F Up & Pay the Album Cover Artist the Five Dollas Already

You might want to consider changing your name these days. "Rebel Soul" doesn't fly in many communities. 

When making a wish, Scotty ATL wasn't specific enough about what "island" he wanted to relax on.

Dude. Those nails are BEYOND DISGUSTING. I don't care how much gold you can afford–I am NOT sharing my popcorn with you, Trinidad James.

I wish I could remotely open that sunroof and make him disappear.

Neat. Way to reference a 24 year old movie.

Scanning For Jerald...

Tom sent the following email (and photo) to a group of friends of his today:


Hey guys, sorry for the mass email, but does this dude (Jerald Williams!) go to our church? Moreover, does he even exist? I've gotten a bunch of SPAMmish emails from him through this mailing list, all wanting me to join the WAYN social network. Because if he does exist, I want to personally congratulate him for his fine posing skillz. He has become a sort of folk hero at my office.

Best,
Tom.

P.S. Jerald Williams will prevail.

----------------

Unfortunately, only after he sent it did he realize the guy's name is Jerald JOHNSON, not Williams. No word on whether this will hinder or help the search for Jerald.

In related WAYN news, David has received multiple emails from WAYN members, none of which, unfortunately, are from "the Man."


A random message from a "Nicole Anderson" or a "Debby (sic) Jones" is somewhat believable, but "Angelina Jolly?" Now that's SPAM.