Some New Documentaries To Watch On The Documentaries Channel

Previous documentaries entry here.

The launch of the Documentaries Channel has been a rousing success! People are watching fewer scripted and reality shows to curl up with a good ol' piece of stylized, biased non-journalism set to foreboding music! Here now are the latest offerings from the Documentaries Channel, streaming today:

• The History of the "You Got Something On Your Shirt" Gag and Why It Endures

• Roles That Eric Roberts Actually Turned Down

• Wind: What Is It?

• Why Lesbians Seem To Love The Whack-A-Mole Arcade Game

• "You: What The Fuck Is Your Problem?" An Expose

• Buskers Whose Music We Stole To Score Our Documentary On Buskers

• The Definitive History of Rashes

• Robodoc, the Documentary of Robocop. Oh, you think I'm kidding?

• Remote Learning and How Schoolyard Bullies Are Adjusting

• How TikTok Dances Contribute To Global Warming

• Three Guys Named Jeff Who Have Worked At a Medieval Times

UAG

The Off-Brand TP Roundup: The Trump Era

Brand: Keep It Green

Brand Imagery: Green swirls, green lettering, and a green butterfly

Brand Promise: The earth won't die if you shit with this

Feels Like: Whatever you're wiping with has already biodegraded into mulch

Brand: Ocean Drive 2 Ply

Brand Imagery: An oval badge showing a road winding around a tidal wave into a sunset

Brand Promise: The promise of a fun road trip away from wet disaster

Feels Like: Very thin, sun-baked asphalt in roll form

Brand: Silky Soft

Brand Imagery: Periwinkle mosaic tiles and a SUDOKU(????!!!!)

Brand Promise: This brand sounds like a rapper that will soothe you with his rhymes

Feels Like: Riding an untamed horse with a burlap saddle through a thorn bush

Brand: TOILET TISSUE

Brand Imagery: Black and green argyle, white space

Brand Promise: This will technically count as toilet tissue

Feels Like: The very minimal that the government can approve as 2-ply. Gitmo ready.

Brand: White Swan

Brand Imagery: An S-shaped swan. Piss yellow flower background

Brand Promise: A soft-as-down pooping experience

Feels Like: Angry miniature geese and swans biting your balls and anus.

Brand: RETOIN? RETAIN?

Brand Imagery: Confusing recycling logo in the middle of the name. An inexplicable Nintendo logo

Brand Promise: "Why are you reading the label? Shit already!"

Feels Like: The paper-to-ass equivalent of the Kids Bop Kids version of your favorite song

EADJ NEWS REPORT: WE HAVE CONTACT!!!

(AP) Two EADJ agents received a communication via email at 12:09 pm Eastern Time (ET) from who appears to be Jerald Johnson himself. This was the message (some names have been xxx'd out for their protection) :

----------

David,

The Legend Lives. I cooked Knockwurst, Saurerkruat, and Potatoes a few days ago.

A buddy name Lxxxxx told me about WAYN (where are you now) and I believe other friends including Pastor Xxxxx Xxxxx are a part of this. Its a website for those like me who travel and want to know more information about the places we are traveling to.

Free lunch sounds good!

Regards,
Jerald


-----Original Message-----
From: David Estoye
To: Tom Weingard ; Justin Hxxxxx
Cc: Txxxxx ; Jerald Johnson
Sent: Wed, 25 Jun 2008 11:20 am
Subject: Re: Jerald found!

Where can we get bratwursts and Kronenberg?

----------

Electronic handwriting analysts and IT specialists are currently checking the authenticity of this letter, since it could be some sort of prank or joke which would break our hearts. Stay tuned for the latest developments to EADJ, America's #1 source for Jerald news and updates.